Being left on read

[re'up]

Also, the values we ascribe and use to signal all this is fascinating and VERY telling in itself

We are using essentially using inanimate forms of communications to ascribe value to someone, and weigh their character

A fast response = that person is interested and therefore "good"

a slow response = that person is kinda interested and therefore ok

a non response = that person is worthless to me, and has revealed themselves to be not of worthy character

That's like some medieval shyt, like Scarlett letters and family crests.

 

[timeless]

We use our phones for everything now. Can't respond to everyone the same day or even within the week. We live fast lives, instant gratification. Call it what you may, but you too designate most of your time to the people that matter.

 

[Lieutenant Daniels]

We also culturally tend to judge people way too harshly, as in it's either true love or fukk you. It's me and no one else, or fukk you. Don't really get this myself, but I try to understand other's mentality. I answer everyone's texts always. Why would I care if someone I am attracted to hits me up, because she's done with another guy? Isn't that just ego? Not being critical of your post, just using it observationally, as in the subtext that I take from it, is that it's a bad thing.

of course that happens, and I do that too, someone doesn't respond or ignores an invite, I'll move to next person. Doesn't mean I have anything against any of them, or one is lesser. It's just options.

Everyone has their own perception and with that perception deals with actions accordingly. For some, their life dealings are reduced to absolutes. Others, take things as they are with flexibility and understanding. I’m not of the nature to give repeated mercy when it comes to my time and what I want. So yes I guess you could say it’s my ego making the decisions.

Nowadays, I make decisions with un-entrenched people in my life by asking myself “would they do the same for me?” With women, and I guess it’s not gender specific, but the answer is usually no.

 

[Ohene]

I've written a lot on this, it's pretty fascinating to me, and there's multiple reasons:

1: looking into a lot of people's phones is just pure chaos, there's dozens and dozens of unread messages on three or 6 different apps, group chats, work emails, Snaps, DM's, on and on, it's overwhelming, and people tend to "triage" as in respond to only what the feel is the most important, and as part of that, they may feel like replying a few days later is too "awkward", as a lot of texts are time sensitive to a degree, people realize this, even if they don't verbalize it. We used to kind of think "we all have our phones 24 hours", and that's true, but many have lost control in a sense

2: Ascribing a lot of meaning to digital communication, through gesturing or signaling, even the words you use, we use, "ghost", "left on read", we are Anthropomorphizing and ascribing meaning to behavior that isn't always that meaningful, someone didn't respond to your message, but if that person walks up to you right now, what is your interaction going to be? Probably fine. Maybe even intimate to a degree.

First example, you text someone who likes you, (Hey, are you free tonight?") they are, but don't know if they are done w/ their ex, so they say nothing, even if you will 100% see this person again. They were uncomfortable. They chose to avoid.

-second example, people use the phrase "talking phase", to describe essentially texting with someone, but the meaning is romantic/sexual, therefore that bleeds into all other communications

-As in, if you are "talking" with someone, there is some deeper meaning to that, or is that "cheating", is that "showing interest", and so on

I collect these stories all day, you can't take it too personally, or like a full on rejection, One of the harder parts though, is that you know what it feels like when people are texting "right", everyone knows how to do it, quick responses, building to something. But, that doesn't always happen, so it gives the feeling of rejection.

i think this sort of mind set is part of the issue.

if somebody is avoidant when it comes to text messages...that passive aggression is likely to permeate through whatever relationship you could have with them in other ways. so it is actually worth taking seriously.

on that note, it is a signal that the person should be left alone - either because they are immature, disrespectful, unreliable or simply not interested enough in you

 

[Ohene]

it's people leaving people on read, saying "dont take it seriously", who will be the same ones to ring you off if they need something or complain if somebody they like/value is treating them the same way

we as a people need to stop cosigning and absolving wack, cowardly, damn near sociopathic behavior

 

[re'up]

i think this sort of mind set is part of the issue.

if somebody is avoidant when it comes to text messages...that passive aggression is likely to permeate through whatever relationship you could have with them in other ways. so it is actually worth taking seriously.

on that note, it is a signal that the person should be left alone - either because they are immature, disrespectful, unreliable or simply not interested enough in you

Yes, right, what I am describing is that (the rise of digital communication, IPhone intro, Facebook, IG, Tik Tok) this has made everyone more avoidant, as in avoidance as normal behavior creeping and rising in everyone, without really anyone noticing how much has changed.

An avoidant personality was probably just as prolific with not returning calls, or selectively screening calls (remember this) but now, I think it's everyone. Or a lot more then say 20 years ago. It's so much easier, and so much more acceptable. Not saying that we need to shame anyone, ghosters, or nonghosters, but the responses in here are telling. Someone says "Hey this bothers me", and people basically say "They don't like you. Move On".

Just my theory based on all the reading, is that it's getting more and more pronounced, it's easy, it's socially sanctioned, and pushing back leads to kind of negative labeling of sorts.

 

[ROFL_GUY]

it's people leaving people on read, saying "dont take it seriously", who will be the same ones to ring you off if they need something or complain if somebody they like/value is treating them the same way

we as a people need to stop cosigning and absolving wack, cowardly, damn near sociopathic behavior

No one likes you


Sounds like

Kante west shoulder shrug
Cacye west funny face
Kanha east dance

 

[colicolicoli]

People expect too much.

Be wanting to text all day, everyday about NOTHING.

If you’re not my man or my parents, wrap the convo up!!

I can do an hour or two of quick texts back and forth but people be wanting to drag a convo all day.

One of us gotta end this convo and it’s gonna be me.

 

[The_Sheff]

I thought everyone had that read receipt turned off by now.