I feel you.
My point is, for someone in her position, sure, there is less financial stress than the average single mother, but the emotional toll? And as you said- they’ve been a “volatile couple for forever”. Why purposely create a life in that type of dynamic?????? That’s crazy. That energy doesn’t just dissipate; the kids are born into it and are raised in it. That’s coming from both parents.
Not to mention this is someone who dodges questions when asked if he will marry you? When that’s what you want?
I’m only pointing this out because this isn’t an Erykah Badu situation. She moves intentionally and we know she doesn’t concern herself with the traditional dynamic. And that is completely fine and I love her for it.
But that’s not Jhene.
It’s one thing if marriage is not someone a woman desires, but it seems like she did want it.
And divorce def happens; I’m a product of it. And some relatives in my generation have already gotten divorced. So I get it. Lived through it and watching kids in my family go through it right now. So I get it.
But the difference is at least the effort and commitment to creating a family unit came before the divorce.
Riri, Jhene, Keke Palmer, etc — they can afford this. They can afford it financially, they can afford therapy and spend time doing lots of self-care, they have ppl around them to cater to them emotionally if necessary. MOST (Black) women aren’t in that position.
And I’m not gon lie- having a baby 7-8 yrs into a relationship only to split up ~2 yrs later and he pops up with a new broad immediately after the breakup is announced?
Nah. That’s typical “babydaddy” behavior/drama. It’s classless. But it is commonly associated with men who don’t see the importance of having a child within wedlock. Sean is no different than all the other rappers/entertainers; his image is a little cleaner since this is his first kid, but ultimately, he’s like all the other men in that industry who don’t value creating a household with the woman who birthed his child.
And I’m not in the camp that it’s solely about having a ring, believe me. I personally have no desire to marry someone simply for the sake of being married; that always ends badly, almost always for the woman and child. I would most certainly prefer to be single than marry for image— it’s truly about what the ring represents.
That nikka didn’t give enough of a fukk to fight to keep his family together after 10yrs and a kid— or at least not debut a new chick immediately, because he didn’t really give a fukk at all. And many on the outside looking in could see that years ago.
This goes back into the “men wasting women’s time” conversation. A man will have a girlfriend for 10 years because it’s “convenient”. Sex on demand, meals, emotional support, comfort, and it’s better than being alone or starting over with another woman at an inconvenient time. But when he’s ready, he’ll drop her and marry the next chick within one year and give her the emotional and financial security his ex wanted for years.
That’s all I’m saying.
A man will have a kid with a woman knowing that he doesn’t want to stay with her and plot to go play house with the next chick while leaving his ex to be the primary care giver while he’s exploring a new a relationship. I think a lot of girls were not taught that there are plenty of men who do this shyt intentionally, because “babydaddies” will not receive blowback from society. WE get blamed for everything. It’s completely fukked up, but when you accept that men are capable of this, you view them, their intentions and their actions more shrewdly, and you make sure you get what you want— marriage included, if that is what you want. So if you want marriage, at least get that so if/when he decides to break bad he will have to think about it because of legal/financial reasons.
Of course, if a woman is marrying/having kids with a man with no character AND no means then yes, my argument falls flat. This is part of the trade off that comes with marriage. There are protections in place, if we marry/procreate with the right kind of man.
In Jhene’s exact situation— yes she will be fine financially so this is different. But it was clear she wanted marriage from Sean, but he refused to do that and instead created life with her then skated on to Becky immediately.
I drop your baby and 2yrs later you skate on with a white bytch? No sir!!!!! We gon have some fukking problems if you think it will be that easy.
But that’s the kinda nikka he is. And those are qualities you have to check before you decide to create life with a man.
Again- I get passionate about this topic because, while men rarely give us grace, I understand that a lot of women get screwed out here because our families don’t give it to us straight when it comes to dealing with men.
And no, all men ain’t bad, but life is different for them and they can move however they want. So I need to know that you want to be married and choose to commit to creating and raising this child. When a man actually wants the same things we want, he won’t move like Big Sean did in that relationship.
One of my celeb crushes is Sterling K. Brown. Cuz he’s cute and because of how intelligent and sharp he is. I could listen to his interviews all day.
He has a beeeeeautiful Black wife who is also an actress.
When you see the way he gushes about his wife, after 10+ years of marriage…
That’s what I’m talking about.
That man, for me, is a perfect specimen. And that doesn’t mean he’s actually perfect and doesn’t have some issues- we all do. But there is a difference between a man like that and a man like Big Sean.
A man who carries himself like Sterling K Brown? Now, that’s an entertainer who is an example of the kind of dude who will probably stick by a woman’s side through the ups and downs of a relationship/marriage. A man like that? I’m playing my part and we’re gonna put in the work together. If he ain’t coming like that, I’m good
Folks just feel a way because it was clear that he wasn’t gonna do right by her but she stayed.
