Man, I recently came to a realization—two actually. One time I was wondering what happened cause I wasn't confident in doing something I SWORE i was gonna be confident in. The other one came because I was trying to figure out why people ain't loyal nowadays.
A lotta times people talk about
confidence as something you have to have going into something. But i realized that that's a miseducation. The way people say it you'd think it's some energy that you tap into to do something for the first time, but it never happens like that. When you do something over and over to the point where, mentally you have no hesitation in your step because you know EXACTLY what to do and not to do, based on the trial and error, that lack of hesitation is confidence.
Confidence is a side effect of experience. So it made me realize that as a man, if you're doing something for the first time, and you feel that hesitation, you shouldn't feel like things are going wrong, because that's how it's supposed to be. You're not supposed to be fully confident
doing something for the first time, so that lack of confidence means things are going how they should, regardless of how everyone else in the situation feels about you. The only way you can be confident in something you've never done is if you're a psychopath. Psychopathic peoples have no connection to the world around them, so they don't care how their affect the world around them. Thus they can "go boldly where no man has gone before" and conquer, because they don't factor the consequences of their actions.
Second one came more recently. I was trying to figure out why there's a problem with
loyalty in our society. Another word for
loyalty is
Devotion. We list loyalty as a trait of good character, but it's actually the other way around. Good character is a function of loyalty. It's like loyalty is an equation with different parts.
Discipline is one.
Good character is one. But the one that came to me recently is
loss of innocence. So let's ignore discipline and good character for a minute, and focus on the last one:
By loss of innocence i mean, Any new experience that changes you on a personal level. Imagine your consciousness as a living thing in of itself, and draw a timeline for it. Those lynchpin moments of your life would be checkpoints on that timeline, moments where who you were evolved, like a pokemon. Whenever you have an novel experience like that, whoever you happen to share it with you're gonna develop a connection to that person. And that
connection, is the seed that grows into what we call
loyalty.
Think about it:
- Imagine a parent who decides they're gonna abandon their parenting duties when you're young. And 20 years later they come around. You might not have as strong a sense of devotion to that parent as you would the one that stuck around. Why? Cause they missed your first day at school, they weren't there the first time you got sick and thought you were going to die, they weren't there to give you advice for your first date, they weren't there for your wedding and to help you pick the spouse, etc.
- You go to the army for the first time, It changes you, how you think about the world, how you think and react to stuff, your opinion of death and war and government. All the guys that are there with you, you're all sharing those transformative experiences for the first time together, so that gives you a bond of loyalty. You become like brothers because you developed that connection to each other.
- Your friends are the same way. You develop kinship because they're your day ones. You're first time you went to the club, he/she was there. They might have been there when you went up to talk to whoever became your first relationship with the opposite sex. That wild shyt that happened in class y'all experienced in the same space together.
So for example, with kids growing up, you share a bedroom, so it increases the amount of life experience you share with your siblings. So imagine a parent grows up poor, and becomes a millionaire, and says "I'm gonna get each of my kids their own room cause I can afford it." But because they're living separately, and they may not be around each other in school, and may not hang out with each other after school, and you guys never do anything as a family, they grow up and end up not being that close as they could be. You see that happen alot nowadays.
And when you experience those certain situations again with someone else, you're not gonna gain a connection that can develop and grow into loyalty, because it's not a novel experience you're having.
Let's put that in the context of relationships. Let's say someone's having a sexual experience for the first time. They're gonna develop that connection to whoever they're having it with. But let's say that person they're having it with isn't having it for the first time themselves. That connection they're developing, that
would-be loyalty, isn't gonna be reciprocated. Instead in this society it's dismissed and referred to as
"being clingy." So then that connection is wasted. and the next time they have that experience it might be that other person's first time, and not theres, and they'll dismiss that other person. And it becomes a lopsided back-and-forth that continues as more people get fukked up in the game. There was a recent thread on here a chick made a nigerian dude who did something to her in bed she was experiencing for the first time. She found herself quasi-stalking dude. She felt that connection cause she gained an experience she had no idea about before. She's not gonna feel that way about the next dude who does that to her. But she may feel that way about the first man to take her on a cruise around the world. That connection is where loyalty comes from. Human beings understand that connection, but they don't necessarily communicate their desire for it correctly. You hear a woman say it this way: "I need a man I can
learn from.".
Here's the problem.
Women are attracted to
experience in a man, cause experience makes a man move efficiently in his environment, and being the master of your surrounding environment is
confidence, and the essence of masculinity. And, just like how men are attracted to a fully developed woman, and foolishly ignore all the good women who haven't blossomed physically yet for the ones who already have, women will dismiss a man without confidence, to chase the men who already have it. Women want a ready made man. But women(
yes, it goes both ways, but one thing at a time...) also seek
loyalty. And one of the key factors of loyalty is
loss of innocence. And
innocence and
experience are the opposite of each other. So
loyalty and
confidence are on the opposite ends of the timeline. It's like asking for the sweetest fruit, that's also the most unripe. It doesn't work. That's why most young women get their hearts broken. They chase men who are the most confident. I want a man to approach me with confidence I want a man who knows what he's doing in bed. So the only men who pass the screening test are those who've practiced those things on a lot of women. Those whose innocence is far gone. Because his innocence is far gone though, that connection can't be developed, cause he's not doing anything for the first time with her. So she'll have a new experience with him and become close to him but he can't feel that closeness back. And when that lack of closeness dawns on her in the form on him breaking up with her abruptly, or cheating, then all of a sudden she joins a pack of women who had the same experience and it's "men are scum."
The more experience a person gains in a particular area, the more confidence they develop, but the less inclined they are to
devote that area of their life to any particular person. So a man may be able to devote his finances to his girl, because she was with him as he developed that area of his life, back when he had nothing, but he had to know what he was doing in bed before he met her, so he lost his sexual innocence already and doesn't have the internal inclination to devote that part of himself to her 100%. Discipline and good character and two other parts of that equation of loyalty that will have to run overtime, but that loyalty is just a word. It's not a natural inclination like it would be if he had gained all that experience with her. Most women don't have time for that shyt. "Learn how to do everything nikka, THEN come fukk with me." It goes both ways. If a chick learned how to do everything with all kinda other nikkas before you, she has no internal connection to just wanna fukk you. If she's loyal to you it's just a word. That's why cheating happens. That's why the elders of the old world said that promiscuous women(men too) don't lend themselves to a permanent marriage. Modern society
* socialises people to wanna wait till they're 40 to get married and by then their innocence well so to speak is all dried up. You can keep looking for someone to teach you something new but the more you do with random others the more you reduce your ability to feel that connection with someone for something permanent. You might get older and chase someone who's inexperienced but they'll be able to devote themselves to you for gaining that experience with you, but you won't be experiencing something new in that situation so you won't have that feeling to give back to them so it's still fukked up. Then by the time cats are pushing 40 you got men and women like, "fukk that marriage shyt, Ima just ride this single shyt out." And it's tragic.
People are like flowers, each one blossoms in it's own time. Men wanna shyt on women who aren't in bloom physically. A woman's looks are her money. LITERALLY and FIGURATIVELY. That shyt is their currency in life. So men only chasing the good looking women instead of reading personalities are essentially golddiggers. Sometimes, SOMETIMES... the reason women do alot of the foul shyt they do in relationships, all the shyt men complain about on here and around the world, is the same reason men that get shyt on by women when they're broke dog hoes out when they get money. A lot of women were ugly ducklings in highschool, maybe college getting ignored and shyt on by men who go for the physically "richer" woman, so to speak. Then she comes into her own by herself and nikkas start simping. "Oh NOW you wanna fukk with a bytch?!!
" She gained experience solitarily, so she has no connection to any men. Women were there for her though, so now she has a certain loyalty to women as a gender over men cause when she was gaining those key experiences that helped her blossom, going to the gym, how to apply makeup, yadda yadda yadda guess who was there for her? Other females.
Same shyt with men. Women will shyt on a guy till he's learned everything. Then expect devotion, except he learned everything without you, so there's no instrinsic connection making him feel like staying with you permanently, even though you'll get that feeling cause you're learning something from him.
So if Young women want a solution where they can not only feel loyalty but get it back? They'll have to stop chasing a man they can learn something
from, and become receptive to men at their level whom they can learn something
with.
But I don't know if that's gonna happen. And that screening out of less experienced men is why alot of guys are saying fukk this marriage shyt. Women say "approach me with confidence." But you need to already have experience in approaching women to have confidence. That means in the beginning you have to go out and approach different women WITHOUT confidence, to gain confidence. and if you're starting out without confidence she's turned off, nowadays they call going out and approaching different women street harassment. Confidence in the bedroom? You gotta go around and fukk alotta different women. Oh no wait you're a pig. Oh shyt and you might risk feminists accusing you of rape. And most of the time it's an upward slope that keeps getting steeper, cause women gain experience earlier and quicker than men. So now many men are just saying "fukk it", and abandoning the effort altogether in favor of other pursuits. Either that, or they are able to freak the system, and they gain experience in all the areas women like, but have no reason to devote it to any one woman. It's kinda like that NaS quote: "When they do make the whip you like ya chips ain't right. By the time you can afford it, the shyt ain't important."
I grew with my dude..I'm really just talking about what i've observed from others..
bytch got life fukked
huh?