You know what, when more shootings happen, I'm gonna remember this post and SMH.
“Black Men Don’t Have A Space To Discuss Their Fractured Relationships With Their Mothers.”
- Thread starter ThrobbingHood
- Start date
You know what, when more shootings happen, I'm gonna remember this post and SMH.
Breh stop, I got more people to Rep before I can circle back
My therapy thread was all jokes first. That is how seriously people treat this. Then women swing in and get their unasked opinion on the matter. Then you get male bytches in here yammering about it ain't needed, testosterone is scary, male gaze is scary etc etc etc.
I just joined a Men's Group and will be attending my first session tonight in person actually.
This society is forever fukked. Save who you can and leave the rest. You ignorant fukks have no idea the kind of harmful toxic behavior you are encouraging.
Then you go and act surprised and clutch pearls when a man does some fukked up shyt due to potentially decades of BS.
You want men to hold other men accountable right? Well we need to fukkING TALK FIRST.
Yea I'm heated, I've had to deal with this shyt offline too. FFS, had a fukking pastor talk crazy to me about a Men's space.
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cyndaquil
Lv 100 Bold natured
This right here. We have an empathy problem. A lot of people lack the intelligence necessary (yes it is a form of intelligence) to be empathetic to the situations of others. When mind is a prison it can be inescapable. Some of our minds are in a locked bedroom door we can kick down with a little help others are in the mental version of Rikers Island. Everybody ain't the same even if they have the similar traumas
I present exhibit A:
I remember my mom put me out the house once when I was a child because I brought the wrong flavor pop home from the gas station, and I had to sleep in a dumpster because it was on top of a heated industrial grate and it was too cold for me to keep walking to get somewhere safe or sleep outside. I thought if I went to the police and told them what happened they’d lock her up or if I told any of my friends I’d embarrass her. I told her about it when I got grown and she said “I ain’t got to apologize to you or anybody, I got nothing to hide.”.From that day on I learned to never expect a woman to apologize for anything even if they dead ass wrong.
I bet a lot of yall who were disparaging people's traumas don't understand that stories like this are not uncommon. And much worse shyt has popped off in the lives of a bunch of the random folks you'll run into. Yall don't think behind every villain there's an origin story there?
"Well shyt, I figured it out, why can't yall?!"
Then you actually start speaking and realize it's not easy but you gotta puff out the chest instead of admitting you were wrong.
But that is a different conversation
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It’s a fine line between empathy and enabling
So what you may deem as lack of empathy, sometimes may be the type of ‘love’ you need; an alternative perspective.
Ie You break up with your girl. Your only perspective is your own. So you can’t fathom that this isn’t the greatest pain. So what’s more likely to help you: someone telling you ‘yes, this is terrible you should feel bad, this is TERRIBLE
’, or your homie cracking jokes with you? We are delicate insecure paranoid beings by nature and there are ENDLESS reasons to be a mental wreck if that’s the perspective you chose (and don’t realize you’re choosing it).God forbid someone breathes life into you instead of validating your misery
What you're talking about is an echo chamber. Black men spaces can check you for being wrong too. But calling them a he man woman haters club is wild considering noone seems to say that about women's spaces
EA
A Pound & A Prayer
My initial post comes from a place of frustration with the narrative that we don’t have anyone to talk to because it’s untrue.
I have had loads of conversations over the years with my boys, younger brothers and even some of their friends about the importance of not dwelling in our trauma for too long because of the impact it has on our quality of life and the quality of relationships we have.
Maybe I’m idealistic for not believing that people are incapable of getting better. I just don’t believe the narrative that we don’t have spaces to heal should be allowed to fester because I’ve seen it firsthand when someone gives up on themselves and how they further perpetuated their own downfall.
Whether it’s therapy, religious counseling, male support groups or even online communities (that healthily discuss issues and not just trauma dump), there are options available to us.
Rell84shots
Veteran
False. There are a lot of successful people with health issues from the stress of keeping shyt bottled up.
You can go too far in either direction though. There is a thin line between encouraging a person to move on and overcome something and dismissing and diminishing and being an unempathetic selfish ass.It’s a fine line between empathy and enabling
So what you may deem as lack of empathy, sometimes may be the type of ‘love’ you need; an alternative perspective.
Ie You break up with your girl. Your only perspective is your own. So you can’t fathom that this isn’t the greatest pain. So what’s more likely to help you: someone telling you ‘yes, this is terrible you should feel bad, this is TERRIBLE
God forbid someone breathes life into you instead of validating your misery
No validation or understanding is just as damaging as too much. But if we keeping it a band, how many black men really getting too much?
Ski Mask
Friendzone: Collection 1
It is what it is. We can talk about how nikkas ain't shyt, we can generalize BM in a way no one else would tolerate. Hell BM will be the first ones to roll the red carpet out for those who think we're the weakest link.
cyndaquil
Lv 100 Bold natured
This quite literally terrible advice. Keeping shyt in actually causes you to implode. Whatever you keep compartmentalized eventually comes out one way or another. Do you think the high number of strokes and cardiac related deaths among black men is only a result of poor diet? No we hold onto a fukk ton of stress. shyt is literally killing us.
Agreed. I’m just tired of the misery porn and I categorize it as that bc that’s how it’s presented. ‘Black men can never….black men need…black men can’t cry’. We been saying this for a decade like bruh…...CRY
Who tf is stopping you?!Plus we’re in the midst of the biggest normalization of therapy in the history of civilization. Therapy has never been more accepted. So when people talk from a victim mindset they’re framing their own hangups and fears as some grand force working against them
Scustin Bieburr
Baby baybee baybee UUUGH
You're literally doing it right now.
Black men can and do create spaces for themselves to discuss this. Black women don't want to talk about it, and they dont want their men to actually be vulnerable. You'll be seen as a bytch if you elaborate on your struggles, and they don't want to be put in the position of providing you advice to solve the problem either because they want YOU to be the advice giver when they ask for it.
Much better to just tell her "I need a moment" and link up with your friends at a bar, park, or online to talk about what's bothering you and what can help you. I acknowledge I have a problem, I'm going to do something about it, and what works for me to help me resolve that. Most women will respect your boundaries and understand that it's not a lie that you're going to link with your friends if you've shown yourself to be a trustworthy person and her emotions and brain isn't cooked from dating a series of disloyal and untrustworthy men.
I personally have a policy of refusing to see a woman who isn't currently in therapy after she tells me about how the men in her life did her wrong. That tells me she's used to that and I'm a break from what she's normally used to and will return to. People cry even when brutal dictators who made their lives miserable die because they got used to that presence in their life and they're afraid of what it means to lose that. People are creatures of habit and unless they break their habits they'll continue to repeat them.