So maybe this can help you out friend. I’ve had suicidal ideations for years and years. Sometimes they are multiple times a day and sometimes they are a couple times a week. I used to get really depressed about it which would just make the whole thing even worse. The thing that changed and has saved my life is coming to a new conclusion about the nature of thought. Here’s an example: you know when you meet a brand new person and you start talking to them it can be pretty uncomfortable? It is even worse if every time you see that person and they try to talk to you you just avoid them and dip out. It’s the same with your thoughts. When the suicide thought comes around one of two things usually happens. We get sucked into it and think it’s who we are or it happens and we do whatever we can to avoid it. What i do now is i have given the suicide thought a name. When it pops up i say “hello suicide thought guess you’re gonna be around for a while” and i let it enter my mind and do its thing but while it’s happening i place my focus on something in reality. Any of the five sense will do. What do i hear right now? What can i feel? Paying attention to your breath is a great practice because you can hear, taste, feel, and smell it. I’ve found that after about 10 minutes of paying attention to something other than my thoughts all of a sudden the thought passes and i continue with my day. This is the basics of mindfulness. Just remember that you are not what you think. The inner monologue is just electrical impulses moving through neurons that you have no control over. People have 50,000 thoughts a day but isn’t it strange that we only notice the ones that bother us? Our bodies are amazing things and they have an internal alarm system that starts working as soon as you give attention to a thought that contradicts reality. Thoughts and emotions are one and the same, and our bodies instantly give us feedback when we think something incorrect. Thinking about something that contradicts reality makes us instantly “feel” bad. And that, my friend is the wake up call. When you have a shytty emotion take a look at the thoughts you are paying attention to. 100% of the time they are not lining up with reality and your body makes you feel shytty so you will stop. This method works for every single thought. Good luck friend and know that I love you.
Edit: thanks for the gold stranger ;)