* 911......state your emergency*
clerk: I think josh is dead.

911: do you know the victim?

clerk: joshua stolengold.

911: can you check the victim?.....is he breathing sir?

clerk: wait......he's breathing.

911: you checked his vitals?

clerk: naw.....a bag of lays just fell off his gut so he's breathing.

911: what happened sir?

clerk: he picked a fight with the real life batman.

911: was he shot......stabbed?

clerk: the punch sounded like a 38 going off.

911: where is mr stolengold now.

clerk: sleeping on a bed of lays....the salt and vinegar joints.

911: were sending paramedics.

clerk: bring a neck brace and clean underwear.....josh shyt himself.

911: can you provide any information on mr stolengold?

clerk: he's a pro league elder scrolls player......oh and he has toddler feet.

911: help is on the way.

clerk: i'm about to upload the video.

911: sir that's evidence......police may need that video.

clerk: they will see it online......this is gonna do numbers.