Changing People & Expectations

[Mad Good Dro]

two in one question for those


Part A


I had a dialogue recently with friend whose premise was that we should live as best we can and be good folks but that we should not try to change other folks.

I tend to agree with this generally but I'm not always confident if it is the correct approach. Are there exceptions?

For instance, if someone in your life is doing something harmful to themselves or other individuals, is it right to try to intervene? Is it right to try to show them that their actions are wrong? Or is it always better to let them learn their own lessons over time and risk that they never change?

Part B

Why is it that we have higher expectations of those individuals we feel closer to? Why is it important to us that our loved ones do better and be better?

 

[IronFist]

read that other thread i swear folks need to grow the fukked up


moving along to your question:

Part A

I can overstand how if someone see's life as some notion of natural learning process where bad circumstances have to happen (and are beneficial in their own way perhaps), it would be worth thinking whether or not one should intervene with such things and to what extent. Though i think that in the end, the intervention can be viewed as a form of learning in itself. (re-evaluation)

No matter what, we can't change everything or everyone, and we can't avoid all harm. Yet we can reduce those circumstances somewhat. So if i viewed life as a learning experience or process for me and others, i'd view my interactions with them, how i affect them and how they affect me as a part of that, and i would be inclined to want to change things for myself and the better. We can probably learn more when we help each other (each one teach one) see things we are failing to see for whatever reason, and the learning experience can be more pleasant if less ignorance/harm is happening.

Part B

At a basic level i think first there's an issue of attention. People vary in how much they value of those close to them and of people in general, but in the end you'll usually have the people close to you infront of you more, basically. (well at times) You're more involved with them, you see them more, you know more details about them, and so all your thoughts for people in general can be applied to them more often and with more detail.

Then, there's an issue of emotional investment. Since you said people we feel closer to, it means that at least there's an element(s) of positive attachment, or a will to be close. We like somethings about them, we care for them, we can relate to them, and so we naturally want the best for them even more so than we do for everybody else.

Then, there's also the possibility of a bit of an ego in the mix, in how people close to you usually reflect or say something about you, in your eyes and in the eyes of others. Some people might feel a sense of obligation even, to try and influence people around them to be certain ways, due to this element.

Finally, when people around you are better and are doing better, that usually has a return to you. If you're surrounded by pleasant, kind, successful, ethical people (from your view), you will be treated by them in ways you'd view positively, and in the ways that you'd ideally want to be treated (or as close to that as possible). In contrast, if you're surrounded by people who are doing bad in life and are from your view not very good people when it comes to ethics, kindness, and things like that, they'll probably cause you negative experiences, and affect your life generally more negatively than positively.

There's probably more detail when one thinks about it more, and possibly a better frame to put all of that in, but i'm just sharing what came to my mind as i read your question.

 

[Remy Danton]

i think only the person can determine if it right to intervene just m.o

i'll come back to this

good though

something to get those mental juices flowing

 

[Mad Good Dro]

i think only the person can determine if it right to intervene just m.o

i'll come back to this

good though

something to get those mental juices flowing

old freewill