Coli Confessions '16
- Thread starter (Lean Ambrose)
- Start date
Vinny Lupton
Superstar
I'm one of the best posters out but i worry i might not be appreciated until im dead like Van Gogh or Big L
It scares me how often I find myself agreeing with him lately
Worthless Loser
Blackpilled
Probably not the best idea sharing this with the type of people on here but whatever.
A lot of males on here say they are ugly just to say it, or maybe for the admiration of a female on here. Truthfully, I have considered myself ugly since I was 10 years old. And it became official at 14. All through my teenage years when my mom friends would call me handsome, I would snap back at them quick and tell them they are full of it. It made for very ackward moments. When I was 16, I broke the mirror in my room because i could not take looking at myself anymore. When my mom came home and seen it, she asked me why I did that and when I told her, she broke down and cried. As she kept crying, I told her that she should of either used birth control or picked a better mate to have a baby with, or waited for a better nut from my father so that they could produce a better looking child. She kept crying and eventually had me speak with her psychologist. When my father found out, I told him he should of pulled out and he felt so hurt that he hung up the phone and didnt speak to me for 4 days.
I had a lot of meltdowns back then where i would "scream at god" and curse him for making me look this way.
Back then, i probably would have off'd myself if it wasnt for my mom and dad. I knew how much they loved me and i didnt want them to go through permanent grief and pain by me being gone forever.
Therefore, when women use to clown the way i looked, I always had the one up on them because i would shyt on myself ten times harder. They would stand there dead quiet because they expected me to get mad.
A lot of people would tell me the cliche things, and it would go one ear out the other because in my mind, it was all BS. I was right. All of them were wrong.
That may have been too honest for people. Sorry if it is.
A lot of males on here say they are ugly just to say it, or maybe for the admiration of a female on here. Truthfully, I have considered myself ugly since I was 10 years old. And it became official at 14. All through my teenage years when my mom friends would call me handsome, I would snap back at them quick and tell them they are full of it. It made for very ackward moments. When I was 16, I broke the mirror in my room because i could not take looking at myself anymore. When my mom came home and seen it, she asked me why I did that and when I told her, she broke down and cried. As she kept crying, I told her that she should of either used birth control or picked a better mate to have a baby with, or waited for a better nut from my father so that they could produce a better looking child. She kept crying and eventually had me speak with her psychologist. When my father found out, I told him he should of pulled out and he felt so hurt that he hung up the phone and didnt speak to me for 4 days.
I had a lot of meltdowns back then where i would "scream at god" and curse him for making me look this way.
Back then, i probably would have off'd myself if it wasnt for my mom and dad. I knew how much they loved me and i didnt want them to go through permanent grief and pain by me being gone forever.
Therefore, when women use to clown the way i looked, I always had the one up on them because i would shyt on myself ten times harder. They would stand there dead quiet because they expected me to get mad.
A lot of people would tell me the cliche things, and it would go one ear out the other because in my mind, it was all BS. I was right. All of them were wrong.
That may have been too honest for people. Sorry if it is.
I've had guys tell me this as well. This is not uncommon. I think it could be because of the way boys are raised tbh. Girls are given affirmation throughout their lives on their looks and it's thought of as an issue only girls/women deal with. It's not at all. Men have body issues/self esteem issues with their looks but it's considered shameful to even acknowledge. This is a HUMAN thing. Not a chick or guy thing. Men bleach their skin, have eating disorders, hate certain facial features, their bodies, just like women do.
I confess. It's not that I don't wanna go home, I'm scared to go home.
I avoid the sun to keep from getting darker.
When I look in the mirror, I actually think I'm somewhat cute. I call myself ugly so my feelings get hurt when others say it.
I fantasize about having curly hair, but I still love my locs.
Im aware of how dumb I am and sound so I stay quiet instead of looking crazy. Even my posts here are dumb.
I only talk about being a ig model, because they have the opportunity to get rich men and I want that instead of woking hard. I know that I cant really be one.
I hate that I'm so different, I cant find other people to connect with.
Im too nice, even to ppl who I know are laughing at me behind my back.
Thats pretty much everything.
When I look in the mirror, I actually think I'm somewhat cute. I call myself ugly so my feelings get hurt when others say it.
I fantasize about having curly hair, but I still love my locs.
Im aware of how dumb I am and sound so I stay quiet instead of looking crazy. Even my posts here are dumb.
I only talk about being a ig model, because they have the opportunity to get rich men and I want that instead of woking hard. I know that I cant really be one.
I hate that I'm so different, I cant find other people to connect with.
Im too nice, even to ppl who I know are laughing at me behind my back.
Thats pretty much everything.
Worthless Loser
Blackpilled
That makes sense.
Another thing that annoyed me was the idea of someone looking straight or average. To me, that was just another form of being ugly. I felt like there was no in between. Either you were good looking or you were ugly.
I just had this idea of what a good looking person looked like and I felt like I was cursed.
I'm much easier on myself now days. I don't dwell on anything anymore. It's more just acceptance and moving on so that I'm not held mentally captive by it.
I only have 12 pictures of just myself in the picture from the last 8 years. The only reason I posted pictures a couple weeks ago was because they were grad pics and I wanted to motivate those to accomplish something or do better in their lives. The only reason I posted last year was to put a face to the username and I was pushed to do it privately.
It's not dumb. This is white supremacy. It's conditioned and has crippled most of us. A lot of times in ways we are unaware. A lot of ways we feel about ourselves is from the outside.
And you could be an IG "model" but what will you have to sacrifice for it? All of that isn't good. Most are escorts. They have people constantly trying to put them on blast from old pics of how they looked before to their secrets. (i.e. urfavesbeforemoney) They can't trust anyone. Fame is not all that. What's the use of being famous if you're broke too and barely making it and have to use your body? Imagine all the family that will turn against you too with even just fame. Let alone, money.
Not to mention, even with all the surgeries they get, they still use filters, airbrush/photoshopping/apps, wear a lot of makeup, lacefronts.
Don't compare yourself to people who have spent thousands of dollars on their skin and STILL wear makeup in 90 percent of their photos.
None of them are perfect.
I've thought about exploiting myself for that "fantasy" of not working hard, but it would be my luck that my life turns to shyt.
Don't let the social media/internet fool you with these illusions.
When instagram is done with, they will have to start from scratch. Do desperate shyt for follows. Pay for followers..
It's all in your head. You can be "too pretty" as a man to people and become a victim/bullied. Gay rumors. Men always trying you/fukking with you. Women will actually find you "ugly". We underestimate personality but it truly can make you beautiful all together. Your aura can make you shine. It's real.
Me and my mom had a discussion on this the other day on how she's said she didn't find some women attractive and she admitted that physically they were nice looking but their auras told the truth. How they come across personality wise told what they really are.
The same way people will big you up and uplift you with your looks, they can tear you down on an "off day" so it's best to not even focus on that. You will never in life be physically attractive to everyone. It's not possible. I've heard people say Halle Berry is ugly and overrated. This is no different from no matter how nice you are to everyone, everyone won't like you. Maybe you remind them of someone else? Maybe they are dealing with their own insecurities/jealousy and issues? Mental illness? Evil energy to fukk with you/get a reaction?
