Coli Parents Help

[murksiderock]

Congratulations bruh. The thought of 2 and 8 month olds already trying you

You're literally thinking what I'm thinking. Before I respond to anything she says I always think "how was I at ___?" I'm going to continue working on it though.

100 bro, I always will try to keep that in mind...

My 2 year old already knows how to listen to most directions, but she'll push the envelope. Right now she really trying me on this potty training lmao, even though she knows how to go to the toilet. She just isn't consistent yet...

My 8 month old wants to be held all the damn time and I'm trying to break her from it, but her mom always wanting to hold her. So that's just two quick examples, but I love fatherhood...

Plenty of people have told me that my hands are gonna be full as they enter preteen and teen years, but I can't wait. I'm looking forward to both the rewards and the challenges of parenting and how that will help develop my maturation as a man and a father!

She may not even realise she is doing it
I always used to get in trouble for rude facial expressions

Man, me too! I used to get slapped when I didn't "straighten my face", and I didn't know what the hell I was supposed to look like. I remember one time I got slapped twice and my mom told me to smile or she'd keep slapping me, so I wore this goofy ass grin for like an hour and my face hurt like a muhfukka. And everytime I tried to relax the smile I was threatened some more...

We can’t expect children to be respectful if they are being disrespected by The adults who are raising them.

Man say that! For sure my parents didn't recognize this, and it's something I strive to be aware of even with young children!

 

[Kasgoinjail]

Man, me too! I used to get slapped when I didn't "straighten my face", and I didn't know what the hell I was supposed to look like. I remember one time I got slapped twice and my mom told me to smile or she'd keep slapping me, so I wore this goofy ass grin for like an hour and my face hurt like a muhfukka. And everytime I tried to relax the smile I was threatened some!

Man I was so confused, with my resting bytchface lol

 

[Sandy_Cheeks]

Congratulations and thanks for your response.

My mom is in that rooted "You're the child, I'm the adult" mindset which causes a conflict between me and her because I suggest alternatives and I have to remind her that my cousin is only mimicking how you react/respond to her.

Exactly. Your cousin is lucky to have someone a bit more aware and level headed like yourself.

 

[Elle Seven]

Well spanking definitely ain't the answer, at any age really...

One of the most critical skills we miss as parents is being able to relate to our children on an interpersonal level. We forget how we were at 11 (or whatever age), and we forget how our peers behaved when we were that age. So we don't even try to relate to them and alota times our responses to difficult situations end up being too much emotion, not enough reason...

I'm gonna have my struggles too, my girls are only 2 and 8 months, and they be trying me lol. But I will always try to maintain this perspective and I think that'll help me maintain responsible decision making in regards to discipline and other parenting issues...

Yes

 

[wilburn burchette]

any time my younger siblings acted up they'd just be taken down to the "red room" our parents kept in the basement. they would be left there to sit in the piles of animal bones and flesh (i'd guess this is also where some of the foster kids ma and pa brought in would disappear to) with no food or water and nowhere to use the bathroom besides on themselves. after a long weekend in there and a couple extra weeks for all the sores to be disinfected and closed up and they'd be behaving.

all my younger siblings killed themselves in the last decade except for one who went to jail for exposing himself but wound up in prison after a violent and uncalled for male on male rape. my older brother is also incarcerated after using the same strategies on his kids. they have been split up into homes but i h ear they are still exceptionally behaved much like their father and his brother and sisters were after a labor day weekend sitting in rotting animal carcasses and the stale urine of an innumerable amount of children.

communication is key as well.

 

[murksiderock]

My mom is in that rooted "You're the child, I'm the adult" mindset .

That shyt is toxic. There are healthy ways to remind your child who is in control if need be, but throwing around muscle just because either you can, or because you're flummoxed in a particular scenario, that shyt doesn't promote healthy parent-child relationships...

Just speaking from my own experience with my own parents...

She don't have enough fear of yall.

Just my two cents:

A healthy fear of your parents is when you're afraid to disappoint them, let them down, with no threats or harm attached. Talking about whose crazy and giving the insinuation of physical or emotional violence, that shyt isn't a healthy fear of your parents. That school if thought can very easily jump start a cycle of abuse...

I was afraid of my mom until I was around 16. That fear was borne early in my adolescence because she showed my she would be violent with us, she was emotionally abusive. I created my own lane and when I got in trouble, sure I was afraid of her...

You can't really scare respect into a child, you may think you can, especially when the child won't fight back or speak up. But you can't, and that's the sign of an emotionally unstable parent...

Not speaking to your situation, just the idea in general that your child needs to fear you...

It took me until a range of experiences in my age 22 year to realize I was an abused child, how that affected my personality in early adulthood, and how it changed how I looked at my parents and my upbringing both before and after 22. I was scared to death of my mom. My fear of her wasn't a deterrent to me acting out...

 

[JayStarwind]

That shyt is toxic. There are healthy ways to remind your child who is in control if need be, but throwing around muscle just because either you can, or because you're flummoxed in a particular scenario, that shyt doesn't promote healthy parent-child relationships...

Just speaking from my own experience with my own parents...



Just my two cents:

A healthy fear of your parents is when you're afraid to disappoint them, let them down, with no threats or harm attached. Talking about whose crazy and giving the insinuation of physical or emotional violence, that shyt isn't a healthy fear of your parents. That school if thought can very easily jump start a cycle of abuse...

I was afraid of my mom until I was around 16. That fear was borne early in my adolescence because she showed my she would be violent with us, she was emotionally abusive. I created my own lane and when I got in trouble, sure I was afraid of her...

You can't really scare respect into a child, you may think you can, especially when the child won't fight back or speak up. But you can't, and that's the sign of an emotionally unstable parent...

Not speaking to your situation, just the idea in general that your child needs to fear you...

It took me until a range of experiences in my age 22 year to realize I was an abused child, how that affected my personality in early adulthood, and how it changed how I looked at my parents and my upbringing both before and after 22. I was scared to death of my mom. My fear of her wasn't a deterrent to me acting out...

Very toxic. My cousin is already showing slight signs of resentment and it's only going to get worse if my mom doesn't tighten up. She swears that just because I turned out alright that it's going to work with my cousin not realizing that everyone is different. I honestly can't remember much about her disciplining me since I had the healthy fear that you described since middle school but I do know that she was never as hostile as she is now. Maybe her patience has run thin as she aged.

Sorry to hear about your situation. Do you have a better relationship with your mother today?

 

[Mowgli]

How do you deal with a child, a girl specifically, who is disrespectful (rolls eyes, body language, answers"what" etc.)?

My cousin is 11 and my mom and I are co-parenting. She isn't disrespectful all of the time but she will have an instance every now and again.

Step number one tell her don't do that because it's disrespectful and makes them as adults feel like she is not understanding or caring about the importance of valid advice.


Two the next time tell her the next time she does that she is going to lose something she cares about. Find something she likes and loves and use it as leverage to get what you want. You weren't asking for much besides respect which is important to a child guardian relationship. If there is no respect then there's no reason for her to trust the words you're saying even if it's great advice.

Third the next time she does it take what she loves away for a couple weeks.

Four the next time she does it take that shytt away for a mont h.

5th the next time she does it take that shyt away for three months


If that ain't enough send her bad ass back where she came from or kick in on these bills. This ain't a goddamn soup kitchen. Drive by the adoption half way house and tell her this where she gonna live if she don't act right

 

[murksiderock]

Very toxic. My cousin is already showing slight signs of resentment and it's only going to get worse if my mom doesn't tighten up. She swears that just because I turned out alright that it's going to work with my cousin not realizing that everyone is different. I honestly can't remember much about her disciplining me since I had the healthy fear that you described since middle school but I do know that she was never as hostile as she is now. Maybe her patience has run thin as she aged.

Sorry to hear about your situation. Do you have a better relationship with your mother today?

Mine and my mother's relationship is okay, but lesser than it was when I was younger. She's my stepmom, as I was raised by her instead of my own mother...

My bio mom, our relationship has progressively improved in my adulthood...

 

[JayStarwind]

Mine and my mother's relationship is okay, but lesser than it was when I was younger. She's my stepmom, as I was raised by her instead of my own mother...

My bio mom, our relationship has progressively improved in my adulthood...

Glad to hear that you and your bio mom are improving . I feel for people who can't have a relationship with their parents because of trauma/abuse. shyt is sad for both parties.

 

[CarmelBarbie]

That shyt is toxic. There are healthy ways to remind your child who is in control if need be, but throwing around muscle just because either you can, or because you're flummoxed in a particular scenario, that shyt doesn't promote healthy parent-child relationships...

Just speaking from my own experience with my own parents...



Just my two cents:

A healthy fear of your parents is when you're afraid to disappoint them, let them down, with no threats or harm attached. Talking about whose crazy and giving the insinuation of physical or emotional violence, that shyt isn't a healthy fear of your parents. That school if thought can very easily jump start a cycle of abuse...

I was afraid of my mom until I was around 16. That fear was borne early in my adolescence because she showed my she would be violent with us, she was emotionally abusive. I created my own lane and when I got in trouble, sure I was afraid of her...

You can't really scare respect into a child, you may think you can, especially when the child won't fight back or speak up. But you can't, and that's the sign of an emotionally unstable parent...

Not speaking to your situation, just the idea in general that your child needs to fear you...

It took me until a range of experiences in my age 22 year to realize I was an abused child, how that affected my personality in early adulthood, and how it changed how I looked at my parents and my upbringing both before and after 22. I was scared to death of my mom. My fear of her wasn't a deterrent to me acting out...

I understand what your saying. My mom wasn't abusive. I was scared of her and it did make me respect her, she ran a tight ship, which I needed. But I'm sorry to hear about your experiences.

 

[CarmelBarbie]

any time my younger siblings acted up they'd just be taken down to the "red room" our parents kept in the basement. they would be left there to sit in the piles of animal bones and flesh (i'd guess this is also where some of the foster kids ma and pa brought in would disappear to) with no food or water and nowhere to use the bathroom besides on themselves. after a long weekend in there and a couple extra weeks for all the sores to be disinfected and closed up and they'd be behaving.

all my younger siblings killed themselves in the last decade except for one who went to jail for exposing himself but wound up in prison after a violent and uncalled for male on male rape. my older brother is also incarcerated after using the same strategies on his kids. they have been split up into homes but i h ear they are still exceptionally behaved much like their father and his brother and sisters were after a labor day weekend sitting in rotting animal carcasses and the stale urine of an innumerable amount of children.

communication is key as well.