Critique my song Y'all

[Cleansprite]

Check it out let me know what you thinking I got some new shid dropping and I'm about to be very consistent with this shid so all opinion are accepted

https://m.soundcloud.com/latif-grandeur/sprite-always-close-freestyle

What would make my song whip jammable?

 

[Inf1ne]

I like imagine better
That atw shyt on the intercom the best thing to hear.rns
Work on not being monotone and u straight

 

[Cleansprite]

I like imagine better
That atw shyt on the intercom the best thing to hear.rns
Work on not being monotone and u straight

Thanks preciate the listen

 

[neko_804]

NEGGED

 

[Cleansprite]

NEGGED

Thanks

 

[Maddmike]

You don't sound confident at all... the purpose of being a rapper rapping what you rapping is I'm supposed to be convinced you a str8 up "tyrant" like you say you are when I just think you reading off a paper...develop a signature flow breh...You have zero emotional pattern in your voice...every line has to mean something and in your case it doesn't..being a rapper is more than just spitting lines. You have to convince your audience...You do that by changing pitch.

 

[Kiyoshi-Dono]

Subject matter
Beat

 

[Maddmike]

Intro is too long...and wack honestly....and "fukking on your mom" is wack. What are six? Flow needs work and I'm not saying the lyrics are wack...additionaly, your adlibs are wack tbh....think young jeezy if you gone use them. Cause to me he is the best a ablib artist out there

 

[MrBillCollecta]

Intro is too long...and wack honestly....and "fukking on your mom" is wack. What are six?

I was out after that part

 

[Cleansprite]

I was out after that part

Intro is too long...and wack honestly....and "fukking on your mom" is wack. What are six? Flow needs work and I'm not saying the lyrics are wack...additionaly, your adlibs are wack tbh....think young jeezy if you gone use them. Cause to me he is the best a ablib artist out there

It's not supposed to be taken seriously it's more playful

 

[Maddmike]

It's not supposed to be taken seriously it's more playful

I know exactly what you meant by it but it just "sounds" corny. Not clever or playful

 

[Lvrd]

Lose the autotune

 

[Cleansprite]

Lose the autotune

Lol i made two versions one without the autotune I was just testing the waters and liked this version a lil more

 

[Cleansprite]

I was out after that part

U should listen to the whole thing bruh before u critique it

 

[CapitalforCapital]

Record this professionally and shoot a dope viral vid and you should be good money. That playful shyt is in right now.