murksiderock
Superstar
At least it is in North Carolina.
The backstory is important for me to give, so yall can understand the present; I've shared some detail of the backstory in the past on here.
I have a "permanent" custody order with my oldest kids' mom. On paper I get my daughters 17-18 days more per year, in even years; in odd years I get my daughters 33-34 more days per year, than I was before we had the order.
This is one of those situations that I think people don't know much about until they are in the situation themselves. Child custody falls under family law, which itself falls under civil law, and while it is legally enforceable, it is CIVIL law, it's not criminal law----->its a very loose tapestry.
Judges, custody attorneys, and mediators all tell you that custody orders are essentially a guideline for people who say they need one, but that the courts prefer to stay out of custody matters. This custody order, is not like being on parole or probation, nobody is calling or checking with either parent to see if the order is being followed.....its family/civil, and this is such a relevant, understated piece!
If you have the means or desire to keep running thru court, mf's will take your money and time, bit in the order, just as was verbally stated, it is written that any notation within the order can be modified if the two parties come to an agreement to do so; if we don't come to an agreement, you follow the guidelines of custody as stated. This is relevant, because if one party is not following the "rules" of the order, sure, you can take them back to court;
If you all agree to change the format of the order, you don't need to go back to court for it, as its a unified decision.
I dropped the packet on her ass in the first place because for the first 5 years we were broken up, we just verbally communicated when I got my kids, and over that time she played me various times on when I could get them. I never wanted to go the court route, but I did it to put some structure to her bullshytting me on seeing the girls.
The end result, is I'm allotted more time with the girls, as I'm stated in my second paragraph, but this pissed her off (and she was already pissed off that I filed on her in the first place
). So in the aftermath, she immediately started manipulating the dates within the order, which brings up another worthy footnote people may not be aware of:
These orders contain grey area and nuance. While it covers the major points (holidays, weekdays, weekends), they do not cover literally single day of the year....it requires some collaboration between the two parties, because much of it is open to interpretation. Again mediators, attorneys, and judges ALL encourage adults to be adults and coparent.
So again when a grey area arises, or when someone isn't following a stipulation within, you could take them back to court, where there could be fines or alterations written into the order.
Nobody is going to jail for not following a custody order and there is nobody checking in like probation and parole to make sure mf's following it because its civil law. Its only enforceable to the extent a mf pushes the issue.
For my part, I always hold optimism that as years go by it'll get better with her, our kids are young (7 and 8). But when women say men shouldn't allow a woman to control how often they see their kids, even if a man does his due diligence, unless that woman is willing to coparent responsibly with you, she has a lot of leeway in what she can do.
Again if I went back to court on her, its a sacrifice on my time and resources, and she not going to jail anyway (not that I'd want her to), nor if, a modification was written into it, nobody is following up to make sure she is abiding by it.....so it is still about parent collaboration.
Just trying to give some insight for people who are less aware. Also I drew the worst baby momma straw ever so there's that
The backstory is important for me to give, so yall can understand the present; I've shared some detail of the backstory in the past on here.
I have a "permanent" custody order with my oldest kids' mom. On paper I get my daughters 17-18 days more per year, in even years; in odd years I get my daughters 33-34 more days per year, than I was before we had the order.
This is one of those situations that I think people don't know much about until they are in the situation themselves. Child custody falls under family law, which itself falls under civil law, and while it is legally enforceable, it is CIVIL law, it's not criminal law----->its a very loose tapestry.
Judges, custody attorneys, and mediators all tell you that custody orders are essentially a guideline for people who say they need one, but that the courts prefer to stay out of custody matters. This custody order, is not like being on parole or probation, nobody is calling or checking with either parent to see if the order is being followed.....its family/civil, and this is such a relevant, understated piece!
If you have the means or desire to keep running thru court, mf's will take your money and time, bit in the order, just as was verbally stated, it is written that any notation within the order can be modified if the two parties come to an agreement to do so; if we don't come to an agreement, you follow the guidelines of custody as stated. This is relevant, because if one party is not following the "rules" of the order, sure, you can take them back to court;
If you all agree to change the format of the order, you don't need to go back to court for it, as its a unified decision.
I dropped the packet on her ass in the first place because for the first 5 years we were broken up, we just verbally communicated when I got my kids, and over that time she played me various times on when I could get them. I never wanted to go the court route, but I did it to put some structure to her bullshytting me on seeing the girls.
The end result, is I'm allotted more time with the girls, as I'm stated in my second paragraph, but this pissed her off (and she was already pissed off that I filed on her in the first place
). So in the aftermath, she immediately started manipulating the dates within the order, which brings up another worthy footnote people may not be aware of:These orders contain grey area and nuance. While it covers the major points (holidays, weekdays, weekends), they do not cover literally single day of the year....it requires some collaboration between the two parties, because much of it is open to interpretation. Again mediators, attorneys, and judges ALL encourage adults to be adults and coparent.
So again when a grey area arises, or when someone isn't following a stipulation within, you could take them back to court, where there could be fines or alterations written into the order.
Nobody is going to jail for not following a custody order and there is nobody checking in like probation and parole to make sure mf's following it because its civil law. Its only enforceable to the extent a mf pushes the issue.
For my part, I always hold optimism that as years go by it'll get better with her, our kids are young (7 and 8). But when women say men shouldn't allow a woman to control how often they see their kids, even if a man does his due diligence, unless that woman is willing to coparent responsibly with you, she has a lot of leeway in what she can do.
Again if I went back to court on her, its a sacrifice on my time and resources, and she not going to jail anyway (not that I'd want her to), nor if, a modification was written into it, nobody is following up to make sure she is abiding by it.....so it is still about parent collaboration.
Just trying to give some insight for people who are less aware. Also I drew the worst baby momma straw ever so there's that
Wake County courthouse floor 11. Dealt with my own paternity case there. It was on some Maury shyt tho
