Dealing with the grief of a miscarriage

[Pirius Black]

I have never felt such a sense of loss and longing. I believe the proper term is sonder, nostalgia for something that never was. My wife and I have been through two miscarriages, a chemical pregnancy in 2020 and an ectopic pregnancy the following year. There is nothing worse than praying to God at 3 am for the life of your baby while your wife is alone in a hospital waiting room due to Covid restrictions. No pain greater than coming home, finding her crying on the bathroom floor clutching her stomach and a negative pregnancy test.

I felt like there was something that we did, something that we did not do that lost those pregnancies. I was angry and heartbroken, still am to this day. But it happens in 25% of all pregnancies and there is no rhyme or reason for it. But no one ever speaks about miscarriages until they occur, and a lot of the men in my family never spoke of how they dealt with the loss, they always referred to the feelings of the mother. Men of the Coli, have y'all ever suffered through a miscarriage and if so, how did you deal with mentally and emotionally?

 

[BigMoneyGrip]

never blame yourself… The most high always got a plan for us even before we are born.. God bless

The wife and I have been blessed to have full term healthy pregnancies.. kids are productive and healthy, it’s all you can ask for

 

[maxamusa]

sorry for your loss I would imagine that could take a toll on the whole relationship...maybe seek therapy?

 

[Pirius Black]

sorry for your loss I would imagine that could take a toll on the whole relationship...maybe seek therapy?

I've had a few joint grief counseling sessions with my wife but I haven't done anything outside of that.

 

[Pegasus Jackson]

Pretty heavy stuff. Might be better suited for reddit.

 

[Olmec]

It's tough to deal with. as a man, it hurts seeing someone you love struggling and there's only so much you can do or say.

the most important thing is being her crutch and make sure she knows it's not her fault and nothing she or you could've done differently.

it's healthy to grieve together and be open with each other about your feelings in this situation.

 

[duncanthetall]

Really, truly sorry for your loss, brother. I have been through it in the past, but it was unknown to us that my partner at the time was even pregnant. Still a traumatic experience, especially for her. I understand the desire to seek something to blame, namely yourselves. You want to point at something y’all did leading up to it that was the cause. I doubt that kind of thinking will help any.

If you think it would help, seek therapy. If you already are in therapy, keep it up. But most of all be by your wife’s side and continue to show her how much you love her. Do not let her believe it is her fault. You’ve been through this before so I’m sure you’ve heard a lot of this. You know how emotionally tough it can be for a while. Wish you the best man.

 

[dr. pill biden]

i wish i had the words breh but i dont even know its tough when you gotta be the rock….we been going through the same for coming up on 4 years…

just know you arent alone. cuz i feel like i am sometimes but life gotta go on. i hope God blesses yall but the longer it goes on for us, i’m starting to make peace with the situation and give back to the family and our community in other ways. its not the perfect answer nor the most comforting nor the one that i want, but life goes on. peace brother

 

[the artist known az]

I went through it 2 years ago, right before Covid. Did about 3-4 ultrasounds and after a couple of times of getting our hopes up doc said it stopped growing. My girl had to get the surgery to take little embryo out.

She was devastated and I was trying to be strong for her. After a couple of days she told me to let it out cause she could see the stress on my face. It was the release I needed.

It's so hard to try to pick your mate up and still try to function and grieve yourself. My friend told me the next time we get a positive test we'll be so appreciative. 2 months later got a positive test. We waited another 3 weeks before scheduling a Dr appt. This time Covid was in full swing by my girl called me and we heard the heartbeat this time.

It'll work out OP, don't rush to try again if you're not ready, it can happen when you least expect it