The Jewnited States
Superstar
Couple weeks ago I decided that I should start saving more money, and stop blowing it on crazy shyt. I wasn't going too crazy but I ended up hitting a few escorts/hookers off of bedpage.com in one hazy and crazy week before I started my new job. 
I wasn't even going for the high end ones, I was sticking to bargain bin whores. Always a little too old, too fat, or too ugly to command top dollar. Still adds up real quick. 
So in my infinite wisdom, I decided that I would save myself some money by making the leap into the world of sex toys. I've used some with the females I've messed with, but I've never looked into toys for men. Decided to see whats good on Amazon:
LINK:
That shows up as the #1 seller and I see that over 9000 of them got sold just LAST MONTH.
Okay, rating is above 4 with many thousands of reviews. I ordered one thinking it's gotta be better than my hand right? shyt got like 7 modes and all kinds of features.
The thing comes a few days later and get ready to try it. Charge it up, wash it out, put some lube in it. . I go to put my dikk in it and that shyt is sore as fukk. I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong? Read the instructions, watch the videos on the reviews and sure enough I'm using it correctly. The opening hole is just SMALL AS fukk. I put more lube on it and shove my joint in there as far as I can and turn it on. Muthafukking thing is moving at a snails pace, can't turn properly, can't go up and down, shyt is just wack. I pull my joint out and it speeds up to full motion.
I look at where this thing is made: China. SMH. should have known the sizing was gonna run small. I'm above average but I'm not porn star status. Thing is a waste of fukking money, haven't used it since. 
I wasn't even going for the high end ones, I was sticking to bargain bin whores. Always a little too old, too fat, or too ugly to command top dollar. Still adds up real quick. So in my infinite wisdom, I decided that I would save myself some money by making the leap into the world of sex toys. I've used some with the females I've messed with, but I've never looked into toys for men. Decided to see whats good on Amazon:
LINK:
That shows up as the #1 seller and I see that over 9000 of them got sold just LAST MONTH.
Okay, rating is above 4 with many thousands of reviews. I ordered one thinking it's gotta be better than my hand right? shyt got like 7 modes and all kinds of features.The thing comes a few days later and get ready to try it. Charge it up, wash it out, put some lube in it. . I go to put my dikk in it and that shyt is sore as fukk. I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong? Read the instructions, watch the videos on the reviews and sure enough I'm using it correctly. The opening hole is just SMALL AS fukk. I put more lube on it and shove my joint in there as far as I can and turn it on. Muthafukking thing is moving at a snails pace, can't turn properly, can't go up and down, shyt is just wack. I pull my joint out and it speeds up to full motion.
I look at where this thing is made: China. SMH. should have known the sizing was gonna run small. I'm above average but I'm not porn star status. Thing is a waste of fukking money, haven't used it since.
