Okay. You might know me as
@*L*E*G*A*C*Y* here on the coli, but in real life, I play many different roles, son, friend, associate, producer, dj, whatever I feel like it.
I've been dealing with depression for 7 years of my life. Now, some of you may think depression isn't real...that you can just "get over it". But it's not that easy, and only those who have been there could truly understand compared to an outsider's perspective.
Depression hurts. Not physically, but mentally. It can obscure your vision. It can make the person you see in the mirror look like a monster that you don't like. It can distance you away from your friends and your family. It can make you feel ugly, unwanted, unloved, unappreciated, and unappealing. It can sap away any bit of drive and determination that you might have in your life. It can make you sad one moment and angry the next. It can have you hating people including yourself.
There are days when even the simplest things become unbearable. Where weakness can overcome you. My depression has led me to psych wards where I had no contact with family members for 8 days straight. In a place where we had to remove our shoelaces (like prison) so we wouldn't hurt ourselves, or each other. It's led me in the back of a police car. It's led me to the back of an Ambulance. It's led me to abuse every drug known to man (with the exception of heroin, oxycontin, crystal meth, and crack) trying to find a temporary burst of happiness. It's led me to punch holes in walls. It's led me to periods of crying bursts. It's led me to hurt myself mentally and physically for no reason at all.
And at the end of this all...I would think to myself...why am I doing this?
Depression is described loosely as "a cancer of the mind". That's probably the best way to describe it.
You could be in good shape, in good health physically, but your mind will work against you to do things you don't want to do just because.
I'll admit, there have been moments where I wish I could just deal with it like everyone else...just be like everyone else. Just be "normal". Have that life where I can actually "fit in". Have that life where I have a wife and kid. And house in the burbs. With a white picket fence. And just be one of "them". But I can only be me.
For the majority of my adult years I have been dealing with depression alone...no friends...no family...no girlfriend. No one.To be honest, it made things unbearable. It made me feel like I would always be alone. That my mental health would always hinder any meaningful relationships I would have. And it made me resent people for a while (something I still deal with from time to time). If it wasn't for music, skateboarding, art, and internet I probably wouldn't be alive right now. Thankfully I managed to seek treatment for it and it's helped me cope over the years better than before.
As someone who's dealt with this for this long, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. You're not depressed? Whoopty-f*ckin-do. If you know someone that's depressed, whether they are a friend, or family member...don't ignore them. The last thing they need is to be alone. Be in their lives. Don't just talk, but listen. Support them in their time of need. Let em know they have someone they could count on.
If you're depressed and need someone to talk to, the following resources are available:
Crisis Call Center
24/7 Crisis Support
24-Hour Crisis Hotline
Samaritans 24-Hour Crisis Hotline (212) 673-3000
National Alliance on Mental Illness
http://www2.nami.org/Template.cfm?S...Management/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=90274
National Depression Screening Day
http://www.mentalhealthscreening.org/events/national-depression-screening-day.aspx
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
http://www.dbsalliance.org/
Symptoms of Depression:
- Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
- Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
- Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
- Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
- Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
- Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
- Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
- Reckless behavior. You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.
- Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
- Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.
What is depression?
Sadness or downswings in mood are normal reactions to life’s struggles, setbacks, and disappointments. Many people use the word “depression” to explain these kinds of feelings, but depression is much more than just sadness.
Some people describe depression as “living in a black hole” or having a feeling of impending doom. However, some depressed people don't feel sad at all—they may feel lifeless, empty, and apathetic, or men in particular may even feel angry, aggressive, and restless.
Whatever the symptoms, depression is different from normal sadness in that it engulfs your day-to-day life, interfering with your ability to work, study, eat, sleep, and have fun. The feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness are intense and unrelenting, with little, if any, relief.
Are you depressed?
If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression.
- you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
- you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
- you feel hopeless and helpless
- you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
- you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
- you are much more irritable, short-tempered, or aggressive than usual
- you’re consuming more alcohol than normal or engaging in other reckless behavior
- you have thoughts that life is not worth living (seek help immediately if this is the case)
What are the signs and symptoms of depression?
Depression varies from person to person, but there are some common signs and symptoms. It’s important to remember that these symptoms can be part of life’s normal lows. But the more symptoms you have, the stronger they are, and the longer they’ve lasted—the more likely it is that you’re dealing with depression. When these symptoms are overwhelming and disabling, that's when it's time to seek help.
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-signs-and-symptoms.htm
. Imma try to run a test on myself. 
That hopeless feeling man
