thank you so much for the encouraging words in this thread everyone.
After writing this, I (unfortunately) drunk more, then passed out, and didn't read this until just now (I was slightly embarrassed for drunk shytposting)
Honestly, I don't say these things for attention. I say it, simply because I don't know anyone on here, and your opinions of me don't mean much and have no effect on my actual life (no offense). I can't say how I really feel or what I go through emotionally/mentally on places like Facebook, Instagram, ect for fear that people I interact with on the day to day will look down on me or think of me differently. On here it doesn't matter.
Ive made tremendous progress in the past few years but I still struggle, but its very tiring keeping this big secret away from everyone. I don't know why I feel this way, their's nothing particularly "wrong" with my life. On paper everything is fine, but its like a problem that has no name, no reason. Its like a shadow thats always behind me that I can't shake...
If you talk to anyone I know, they'll tell you Im the sweetest most cheerful person. But I feel like I overcompensate to cover up how emotionally inferior I am...
I don't expect anyone on here to give me online therapy, or fix my life or anything. But it is...helpful to be able to say whats on my mind with no consequences or backlash in my real life.