DrX first Short Story: "Going mad between 45th and 46th"

DrX

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Let me set the mood. Its approximately 12:07 AM Eastern time. The room is dimly lit, The only light is coming from the TV. This track is playing in the background


A king is sitting on his throne. Sitting in front of his flat screen. The TV is on but hes daydreaming,reflecting on the hardships he had to endure during his journey for the crown. In fact hes wearing the crown as he sit. He never removes it from the top of his freshly cut Cesar fade. Topped off with a perfect line. His waves would make you sea sick. Perfect 360's. His head was so perfect that it would make Nas cut look like Obama's. It was definitely fit for a king.

By his side is his lady. Well not really his wife but a whore whom he flown out to sleep with. Shes in sexy lingerie. Brest exposed, bottom covered. He just want sex and a trophy to parade around the city. Hes not a total monster, he wants some companionship to help alleviate the loneliness he feels. But she get benefits out of the brief weekend relationship too:shopping sprees, riding shotgun in his convertible rolls Royce, incredible views and the experience of being in the intimate company of a winner. He didn't even know her name, nor cared. Shes just a tool to him, another piece on his chess board. She knows her role and keep her mouth shut as the king is reminisce quietly.

Hes thinking about what led him top this pint of "success" He remembers all of the unfortunate men that stood in front of the barrel of his gun. He still hear all of the screams and pleads for mercy "Please king I have a family" "no no no my girl is pregnant with my first born" he remembers from one man in-particular. He put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger with no hesitation or remorse. He even kick the man lifeless corpse for getting blood on his expensive custom made Guisepi kicks.

The King is feeling wary in his blood stained throne. That's right, he never cleans his throne or blood stained crown. He enjoy the smell of his victims blood. Sometimes he go as far as licking it get another taste of his enemies cold defeat. The kind is a rather sadistic man. He gets sexually aroused by tying woman up making them drink his victims blood as he penetrate them. The event is so depraved it usually leaves t girls traumatized afterward. psychologically damaged for life as he send them back in the "real world" broken, a shell of their former optimistic self. They wanted the fast life and got more then that bargained for. Cold world I suppose.

The King is having an unusual night. Is he have regrets? Hes in his throne slouched over asking himself questions that he never ask himself before. "Was it all worth it?""The money, the whores, the power, the luxuries?""What about the afterlife, there's not such thing as god? that's just some bullshyt that some cracker made up to keep those dumbass african's slaves right?""what if god does exist? I'm surely destined for hell" He grins "Bring satan on, I'll kill his ass too"

He gets up in and wipe the sweat off his face. It does no good because more sweat replaces it right away. He taps the whore sitting beside him aggressively and tell her to go to the bedroom. "bytch get up. I'M READY!!! he screams. Hes ready to have sex before bed. But doesn't want to have sex because hes horny, he just needs sometime to temporarily rid the demons on his mind.

Fast forward. They 2 have a quick sex session. He ravish the poor young lady, she laid there belt marks on her wrist and ankles. The king have a thing of doing sick things to naive woman. The more naive they are, the more diabolical the act he'll commit.

Shes alseep beside him. Hes sitting at the edge of the bed with his face in his sweaty palms. They demons still wont go away. More screams of his victims. Faces of all the people killed. A the innocent ones are eating at him the most. The 3 kids at the play ground that he with his sub machine gun because they where in the way of his target. The pregnant lady he murdered to avoid child support. He strangled her with a belt and life her naked on the cold dingy bathroom floor. With her face spread across the worn tile.


The king always thought he was the smartest man on the planet because he was able to practically get whatever he wanted and never get caught or lose. But tonight It seems like this is the day. The day he never thought was possible. The day his past is coming to haunt him.

He marches to the bathroom swiftly. He opens up the medicine cabinet to find some pills. He figured if sex couldn't stop the pain, maybe drugs will. He popped 3 pills and downed a shot of liquor. But the voices became louder and louder. "KINGGG KINGGG KINGGGGGG" He dropped to his knees with his forehead on the ground pleading with himself "Stop! Stop! I had to do it!""Y'all would've done the same to me" The voices grow stronger "Why you kill me?" "was it worth it?" The kings is in tears,, shaking like an earthquake, balled up in a fetal piston in a pool of sweat. "This is your fukking god , you gave me no choice. I just wanted to make it, Its your fault motherfukker" he screamed loudly. The bathroom windows are opened and the strong howling winds are blowing the curtains. The king goes to shut the window and turns around slowly only to be greeted by the young lady whom he thought was just another weekend plaything. Shes holding his pistol in her right hand and a her own blade in her left.

The king is speechless and is at a utter lost for words. Shes grinning and even mocking the king "You're the supposed to be the King, I've been fukked better in grade school" The king is shaking, stuttering and pleading "no, wait, wait , please, I have money...anything you want baby just please don't" Suddenly he knows what it feels like to be on the opposite end of the gun. The lady smiles and speaks "You still down get it do you?"I don't want your money" The king retort loudly in a panic "THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT !!!!!????" "your soul" she replied. She shoots him in both legs and pennis. As the king is laying in a pool of blood screaming in agony. She places her legs around his waist from behind him. She kisses him on the forehead and slits his throat to finish the job.His spirit leaves his body, as his flesh shell lays dormant in a puddle of blood.

Suddenly A man in an small Brooklyn apartment wakes up from a horrible night mare. He had a dream that he was a king and died a horrible death. This man life is vastly different in contrast. Hes a lower middle class UPS package handler and have a wife and 2 kids.

Not exactly a life fit of a kid huh? But he feels something wet underneath him and he looks down. Its blood. He looks to his left and his wife was naked laying in the couples bed shot to death. On the her right was his co worker and friend. He was also shot to death. They were having an affair and the man murder the 2 in a fit of rage. After the deed he must've past out.

He stumbles to the bathroom to take a piss and get his head straight. He feels faint. After exiting the bathroom he sit down to collect himself. He quickly gets over the act that was just committed and starts to plan his new life. Hes finally free to live a life of freedom and world travel. But he still feels faint. The man looks down and he sees a gun wound. He just remembered that he shot himself in the torso in the moment. He falls out the char and lays the ground staring at his wife lifeless body. His almost dead eyes make contact with her dead eyes and he starts choking up blood and slowly fade to dead .

THE END
 

Black Cobain

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TL;DR VERSION:
  • A King of some sort invited a whore for some companionship, he's that lonely :to:
  • This particular King is a fukked up killer, nikka loves the smell of his enemies blood :dame:
  • He's having some 10th grade existential crisis about how he became a king
  • He has some sex with the whore and has some post-nut clarity
  • Sex didn't stop his inner torment so he tries drugs
  • Nope, he still hears voices which make him suffer even more
  • Surprise, surprise, its' OP having a dream the whole time
 
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Black Cobain

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TL;DR
  • A King of some sort invited a whore for some companionship, he's that lonely :to:
  • This particular King is a fukked killer, nikka loves the smell of his enemies blood :dame:
  • He's having some 10th grade existential crisis about how he became a king
  • He has some sex with the whore and has some post-nut clarity
  • Sex didn't stop his inner torment so he tries drugs
  • Nope, he still hears voices which make him suffer even more
  • Surprise, surprise, its' OP having a dream the whole time

His waves would make you sea sick. Perfect 360's.
Use commas

By his side is his lady. Well not really his wife but a whore whom he flown out to sleep with.
:dahell: exposition doesn't work like that
 

Monsanto

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Show don't tell.

It was all a dream is the best way for anyone to stop reading your work.

Whole thing seemed disjointed to the main character's motives.

And it really seemed like an allegory of your life. You are the king killing (people) relationships on your path to being the best. The whore is your dream that you haven't fully attained cause your pen game is weak.

You kill yourself and dreams via suicide or settling into life like everyone else.

Of course I'm giving this a deeper understanding than what was presented but I'll give you credit.
 

RippTheRuler

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Grammar, punctuation and spelling is crazy... had to stop reading on the second paragraph

I know tons of people make the same mistakes while typing on here all the time. I don't have a problem reading a poster ranting and having bad grammar. I have a problem reading something that you are presenting (I'm going to assume professionally) as a short story with so many errors.
 

DrX

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I dont care about grammar. the point is the story. I can have a professional editor clean everything up later...
 
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