Embarrassing story time :[

[whatthatthangsmelllike]

U a nasty mother fukker but I like it

 

[dabestkeptsecret]

Freshman year of college, first fukken week...

I get woken up out of a drunken coma at like 4 am all coughing n shyt from smoke, and immediately realize the fire alarms are goin off

Jumped outta bed, and ran to wake up my roommate....realize he aint there

By this time I could barely breathe or see in there, so without thinking (still wasted) i run out of my room, down the stairs, and outside.

I'm literally like the last motherfukker out the building so everyone is out there lookin at my dumb ass running out the building. First thing I noticed was the chick giving me the

I completely forgot that I was only wearing boxers to bed. So now Im standing in front of the whole building in nothing but some goofy boxers. At first it wasn't that bad because I;m still under the impression that the fukking building was on fire, and I'm more concerned with finding this douche-bag roommate who left me to fry and giving him the business
One of my buddies finds me and is like what the fukk you doing bro

I'm like, fukken building was burning down I had to get the fukk out

he like "nah, man someone was all drunk and sprayed the fire extinguisher"

it just so happened that shyt went down right outside my room, so what I thought was smoke was just shyt from the fire extinguisher, and NO ONE else in the building thought it was actually a fire.

So in the end...in the first week of college, I end up standing like for about two hours, in my boxers, while the fire dept cleared the building.

 

[SouthPaw]

This is your brain on drugs!

 

[Classy X]

So I went to summer hockey camp at Bowling Green University like 4-5 years ago. We stayed in the dorms, and I cant shyt in public bathrooms I just can't. so I started shytting in black trash bags and stored them under my bed to dispose of between 3 and 5am when everyone is asleep, but the smell seeps as each hour passes and you hear people walking past your room saying "eugh what the fukk is that smell i'm going to call the Head of College in case it's a burst pipe", and he comes to investigate and realizes it's coming from your room.

I was threatened to be sent home, but when they called my parents they talked em into letting me stay the rest of the time

Your parents just didn't want you back home.

 

[Classy X]

how old are you havoc?

Doesn't matter.

Havoc is on a different level either or.

 

[Classy X]

your parents sent you to summer camp at the age of 21-22?? at what age did you graduate highschool? got any learning disabilities you forgot to tell us about? at 21-22 years old people are calling your parents to discuss your behavior?

something aint right here.

Once again, Havoc is on a different level.

He is in a dimension where we mere mortal posters WILL NEVER REACH.

 

[Classy X]

When I first moved to the dallas area i had to get a warehouse job and the shift was 3 to 9. I was stayin with relatives at the time out in the stix, and there was a Cici's pizza close to where they stayed. On friday's I would treat myself to this Cici's...nikka been lefting heavy boxes and maybe getting dome from retarded hispanics chicks that worked in the front office...i'd be real tired and needed that 5.00 buffet to relax.

So it's early, around 9:30, I am in the Cici's...and I am having some terrible gas...my stomach doesn't hurt or anything but the shyt is just terrible...so i let one rip and instantly i can tell that something isn't right...like...i could feel physical matter...some straight E = mc^2 shyt... I'm like ...but then I am like nah no way...i didn't just shyt on myself...so i continue to eat my pizza, chillin, watching some teletubbie shyt on tv...

I get up, and by then there are maybe like 10 people in here...walk back toward the pizza line...and feel straight slime slide down my left leg......for some random reason i giggle a little bit...not sure why...and then i take a deep breath and i don't smell anything...so i said...fukk it

Got my pizza...went back to my seat...then refilled my cup with tea...with it feeling like straight macaroni and cheese sauce running down my left leg... when i sat down i made a loud coughing sound because i didn't want to hear the squish of the shyt pressing against my ass cheeks as i sat on the cushion...

So i ate my pizza...and drank my tea...and was going back for thirds...fukk it i was super poor at the time and this friday meal had to last me all day, and i had paid 5.00 and change so i was getting my moneys worth...man i got up...looked at the seat...that shyt was just glistening it looked like someone had sprayed some armor all in the seat...i looked at my pants and there was a big dark spot...had me like ... so I dipped out to my car...

I put a bunch of towels from my trunk in the drivers seat...drove to my cousin house...opened the front door real slow on some shyt...took a shower...bagged the shytty drawers and the pants...man i loved those pants...and drove about 10 miles down the road...to a gas station with no cars at it and i refused to stop at any gas station with cars...then i got out with the shytty clothes in a bag and was like "nah it would be less suspicious if I just dumped them at a busy gas station, they would expecting me to drop them off at a gas station no one is at ( not sure who "they" were, secret society who knows when nikkas shyt on themselves i guess). So I drove another 3 miles or so, hopped out at a busy gas station, tossed a walmart bag full of shytty clothes in the trash and drove away on some shyt. Went back to my cousin crib, watched sportscenter and played some elder scrolls oblivion for a few hours, then went to sleep

Oh, you nasty, I feel sorry for the person who had to clean up the cushion seat.

 

[Classy X]

With all that being said, I have NO PROBLEM with using a public restroom to take a shyt.

As long as there is toilet paper, seat covers (Or, use toilet paper), hand soap, and hot water I will drop a deuce. There's nothing no worst feeling then holding your bowels in, especially when you have to go and can't.

Yes, I courtesy flush. Ain't nobody trying to smell that and neither am I.