It comes down to simple math.
2 = domestic violence.
Accuser:
1+1 = 5
Law enforcement:
Accuser: 1×1 = 5
Law Enforcement:
Accuser: 1÷1 = 5
Law enforcement:
NFL steps in.
Commissioner tells panel
don't come back without a 2.
Accuser: 1+1 = 5
NFL:
that don't make since
Accuser: really?
NFL:
actually the square root of 5 is 2.23606797749979.
Accuser: still not 2 though.
NFL: Let's just round it to the nearest whole number
Accuser:
ok.
Roger Goodell:
where's my 2?
Investigators:
She kept giving 5's. Her math fukked up so we had to square root the bytch and round that shyt down.
Commissioner:
fukk it. A 2 is a 2.