F!!K low self-esteem

[Kwabena]

Read books pertaining to psychology. Do some self-diagnosis

 

[JayStarwind]

One way to look at it OP is All these niccas you're comparing yourself to, if you take away all their materialistic and superficial shyt. They have absolutely zero character. Nothing left to themself. The niccas that is confident and has bytches all over him. Take away the bytches and the confidence. What does he have left? My point is a lot of niccas have no REAL value, what you see on the surface is them. That's it. Ask yourself who you believe you are, if it's negative ask yourself why. if its positive ask yourself why. Once you understand who you are the rest of the superficial shyt becomes less of a big deal. Even if you don't have the fast whip, bad bytches, the rolex etc. It won't matter because you'll know your real value. You won't be worried about impressing niccas or bytches because you know your worth and you aren't relying on another person to validate it. Even now you have a lot more character than a lot of niccas on here that portay themselves to be pussi slaying money getters.

What advice would you have for someone who isn't superficial? Could care less what these nikkas have. What gets me, or what got me, was the fact that majority of my friends had already graduated college, moved into their own place, traveling, etc. while I'm stuck attempting to finish school, lucked into a decent job, still living with moms, and don't have any hobbies. I believe I have a good enough grasp onto who I am; lazy, polite, vulnerable, caring, "old soul", dependent.

 

[TrebleMan]

I read this recently, I really think this is very accurate.

A psychologist explains how to beat social anxiety

So, let’s get to the meat of it. How do you overcome social anxiety?

Go forth and do. I often talk to clients who say, “I wish I could hit pause on the world and I could retreat and work on myself and gain confidence and remerge confident and be ready to live my life.”

That is backward. A nice analogy is that of mood and action. We often think we have to “feel” like doing something before doing it. We think we have to feel like going to the gym before going to work out. But if we lace up our shoes and go to the gym, often our mood catches up, and we’re glad we went. With confidence, it’s the same thing. We have to put action before feeling confidence because when we see ourselves doing challenging things, we start to believe we can.

...

Even in those cases, we’re still going to be awkward sometimes, right? You write about perfectionism in the book and also “daring to be average.” What does that mean?

Perfectionism as a term is a misnomer. It isn’t about being perfect. It’s about never being good enough. It social contexts, it’s all or nothing. So, unless we give a stellar performance, we are an abject failure. The answer is to simply lower the bar. It’s okay to have an awkward silence. Your social life isn’t a laser maze. If you make one mistake, alarms are not going to go off all around you. Daring to be average means daring to just be totally normal, which can help you relax and, again, relax into the skills we have.

 

[Straw Hat Luffy]

I read this recently, I really think this is very accurate.

A psychologist explains how to beat social anxiety

This makes sense to me.

I know in the past when I had real bad social anxiety.
Every time before hanging out with someone I would get serious stomach aches or even when I was with that person I would feel weird in the head.

I still get the stomach problem sometimes but after so much experience I know its just anxiety. So I can just tell myself its all in my head so I proceed to go out and the pain automatically disappears each time.

I don't know why but its comforting to know that others have gone through the exact same problem if there is clearly an article on it.

 

[trick]

I'm just now getting to this point myself. I've always kept my feelings to myself about everything. Losing my father this week woke me right up. I just hate that I am the way I am, but the power of habit is hard to overcome. I've pushed so many good women away man it's heart breaking. I'm going to try to live life the best way I can from here on out. Life is way too fukking short.

Sorry to hear about your father. My condolences.

 

[Catch these Hands]

What advice would you have for someone who isn't superficial? Could care less what these nikkas have. What gets me, or what got me, was the fact that majority of my friends had already graduated college, moved into their own place, traveling, etc. while I'm stuck attempting to finish school, lucked into a decent job, still living with moms, and don't have any hobbies. I believe I have a good enough grasp onto who I am; lazy, polite, vulnerable, caring, "old soul", dependent.

Life isn't a race. Everyone moves at a different pace. Pay no mind to what your friends are doing. They're most likely using money they don't have for travel aka credit cards and I'm sure they're still paying off school loans and paying quite a bit on rent. So yeah it looks like they're doing a lot but they are at the expense of more debt. Right now you have an advantage. The current situation may seem to suck but it isn't that bad. Yes you live with moms but what does that let you do? Save more money. Your expenses are most likely much cheaper with moms. That allows you to save money easier and pay for your school and not have to worry about debt or anything. Hobbies, Try to find something based off your interests. If you don't have many interests try and think of something you've always wanted to try or something that sounds cool. As I said above though stop comparing yourself. I grew up comparing myself to everyone and it just leaves you feeling like shyt. If you can unplug from Facebook or Instagram too. At least until you stabalize. It's bad for people like us with self esteem issues.

 

[JayStarwind]

Life isn't a race. Everyone moves at a different pace. Pay no mind to what your friends are doing. They're most likely using money they don't have for travel aka credit cards and I'm sure they're still paying off school loans and paying quite a bit on rent. So yeah it looks like they're doing a lot but they are at the expense of more debt. Right now you have an advantage. The current situation may seem to suck but it isn't that bad. Yes you live with moms but what does that let you do? Save more money. Your expenses are most likely much cheaper with moms. That allows you to save money easier and pay for your school and not have to worry about debt or anything. Hobbies, Try to find something based off your interests. If you don't have many interests try and think of something you've always wanted to try or something that sounds cool. As I said above though stop comparing yourself. I grew up comparing myself to everyone and it just leaves you feeling like shyt. If you can unplug from Facebook or Instagram too. At least until you stabalize. It's bad for people like us with self esteem issues.

Student loans

I'm off of mostly all social media except Twitter and IG, which I don't use anyways. And I haven't been to school in over a year because of my job; I basically work 7-7.

Thanks again. Will definitely look for a hobby because I don't think reading counts.

 

[Catch these Hands]

Student loans

I'm off of mostly all social media except Twitter and IG, which I don't use anyways. And I haven't been to school in over a year because of my job; I basically work 7-7.

Thanks again. Will definitely look for a hobby because I don't think reading counts.

Reading is a hobby. No harm in learning

Or just frequent the JBO

 

[AAKing23]

Life isn't a race. Everyone moves at a different pace. Pay no mind to what your friends are doing. They're most likely using money they don't have for travel aka credit cards and I'm sure they're still paying off school loans and paying quite a bit on rent. So yeah it looks like they're doing a lot but they are at the expense of more debt. Right now you have an advantage. The current situation may seem to suck but it isn't that bad. Yes you live with moms but what does that let you do? Save more money. Your expenses are most likely much cheaper with moms. That allows you to save money easier and pay for your school and not have to worry about debt or anything. Hobbies, Try to find something based off your interests. If you don't have many interests try and think of something you've always wanted to try or something that sounds cool. As I said above though stop comparing yourself. I grew up comparing myself to everyone and it just leaves you feeling like shyt. If you can unplug from Facebook or Instagram too. At least until you stabalize. It's bad for people like us with self esteem issues.

Cosign.

Plus you also have to remind yourself that even with having all of those material things that you think will bring you happiness, you can still be miserable with all those things. It's people now that have all the money and materialistic shyt in the world but still aren't truly happy with themselves. Plus sometimes that stuff can bring unwanted energy towards you from other people. It's better in the long run to find happiness within yourself that doesn't require outside sources/validation.

 

[TrebleMan]

I read this recently, I really think this is very accurate.

A psychologist explains how to beat social anxiety

I'm legit about to buy her book:

"Just be yourself."

This phrase is always well meant but can be phenomenally irritating. It seems so simple, but in the moment it feels impossible. Anyone who has been in that position knows how difficult it is to think through the buzz of anxiety— how it hijacks our ability to think, speak, and respond. Also, “just be yourself” implies you hadn’t thought of that option. “Oh, is that all I have to do? Silly me.”

But despite all this, it’s also sound advice. Your true self is the self that emerges when you are with close friends, trusted family, or in blissful solitude. Underneath all that anxiety, you’re equipped with everything you need. There’s nothing you need to fake, no image to manufacture. You are enough just as you are. Indeed, imagine if that self showed up at work, in relationships, and in the world. What would be possible? You could share your ideas and opinions. You could finally feel at ease. You’d have more bandwidth to deal with the world. You could feel comfortable in your own skin.

You’d feel that home-sweet-home comfort, connection, and closeness wherever you went. Therefore, in How to Be Yourself you’ll learn (finally!) how to put that advice into action. You’ll learn why you feel the way you do, but more than that, you’ll learn what to do about it, and finish the book with a toolbox full of shiny new tools to try out. We’ll debunk myths you didn’t even know you believed and break habits you didn’t even know you had.

The more you answer "yes" to, the more you have social anxiety/low self-esteem, and she can help:

1. I get nervous if I have to speak with someone in authority (teacher, boss, et al.).    
2. I have difficulty making eye contact with others.    
3. I become tense if I have to talkabout myself or my feelings.    
4. I find it difficult to mix comfortably with the people I work with.    
5. I feel tense if I am alone with just one other person.    
6. I worry about expressing myself in case I appear awkward.    
7. I get anxious returning an item to a store.    
8. I find it difficult to disagree with someone else’s point of view.    
9. I find myself worrying that I won’t know what to say in social situations.
10. I am nervous mixing with people I don’t know well.
11. I feel I’ll say something embarrassing when talking.
12. When in a group, I find myself worrying I will be ignored.
13. I am unsure whether to greet someone I know only slightly.
14. I feel uncomfortable making a phone call when others can hear me.
15. I feel awkward or anxious eating or drinking in public places.
16. I feel anxious acting, performing, or giving a talk in front of an audience.
17. I feel uncomfortable working, writing, or calculating while others watch me.
18. I get anxious calling, emailing, or texting someone I don’t know very well.
19. I have difficulty speaking up in class or at a meeting.
20. I feel anxious using a public bathroom (shy bladder).
21. I have difficulty talking to people I find attractive.
22. I feel anxious taking a test or exam.
23. I get stressed and anxious when hosting a party or event.
24. I find it difficult to resist a salesperson or solicitor.
25. I dislike being the center of attention.

These are just twenty-five examples, but there are many, many others. For instance, those of us who feel socially anxious would rather get a bikini wax and dental work done simultaneously than work the room at a networking event. We might ask our colleague at the next desk, “Can you look over this email and tell me if anything sounds weird before I send it?” We might get a little antsy at the gym, the grocery store, in line, or wherever people might be inspecting us. We’ve been known to rehearse our food order before we get to the counter, our customer service request before we pick up the phone, and the story we’re planning to tell at the party later that night. And of course, we try to sneak out of the same party without saying good-bye.

And this is just IRL. If social anxiety was at a slow burn a few years ago, technology poured gasoline on the fire. Why? Anxiety is rooted in uncertainty, and what’s more uncertain than modern communication? “Why did those three dots appear and then … nothing?” “Why did my boss reply with a one-word email?” “Why did she text ‘Can I call u?’” “Um, why did he text ‘I am Batman’?”

Social media makes things even worse. A study out of the University of Pittsburgh surveyed almost two thousand young adults ages nineteen through thirty-two and found that the more social media platforms they used, the greater their anxiety. And it wasn’t the amount of time they spent on social media— there was something unique about social media itself. What exactly? Well, social media is social judgment in public, complete with a quantitative count of others’ approval. Especially for teens and young adults, the tasks of identity formation and solidifying self-esteem are tough enough, but having your friends observe and comment 24/ 7 makes the world of social media a tough place to grow up.

Whether we’re feeling social judgment online or in the real world, we find ourselves doing one of two things: avoiding or enduring. Unlike most psychological jargon, both these terms mean exactly what you think. Avoidance is the equivalent of sticking our fingers in our ears and singsonging, “I can’t heeeeear you!” Avoidance can be a lot of work— faking an illness means remembering to have a lingering cough the next day, walking the long but less crowded way around wastes time, and showing up to a meeting at the moment it begins so you don’t have to make small talk takes exhausting precision. Avoidance can be overt: not showing up at the party, letting our calls go to voicemail. But avoidance can be covert, too— we may not even realize we’re doing it. Not making eye contact is the classic. Or we may go to the party but spend most of our time petting the host’s cat or checking text messages on the balcony before sneaking home to watch Netflix and eat a bowl of cereal. But while avoidance offers immediate relief, it’s almost always followed by a bitter aftertaste of guilt, shame, disappointment, or frustration.

 

[mortuus est]

I don't know why but its comforting to know that others have gone through the exact same problem if there is clearly an article on it.

do you read books?

 

[Catch these Hands]

Cosign.

Plus you also have to remind yourself that even with having all of those material things that you think will bring you happiness, you can still be miserable with all those things. It's people now that have all the money and materialistic shyt in the world but still aren't truly happy with themselves. It's better in the long run to find happiness within yourself that doesn't require outside sources/validation.

The problem with the North American culture as whole is we're raised to equate success to money and material things. If you don't have either you're deemed a failure. We aren't taught that there are other ways to be successful. Too many people now are being compared to others from a young age without even knowing it. Parents always saying " Why aren't you like him?" "Well those kids don't do that, why do you?" "Such and such so lucky to have a kid thats on the honor role". That kind of shyt damages people in the long run.

 

[TrebleMan]

The problem with the North American culture as whole is we're raised to equate success to money and material things. If you don't have either you're deemed a failure. We aren't taught that there are other ways to be successful. Too many people now are being compared to others from a young age without even knowing it. Parents always saying " Why aren't you like him?" "Well those kids don't do that, why do you?" "Such and such so lucky to have a kid thats on the honor role". That kind of shyt damages people in the long run.

Prince Ea has a great video about this:

 

[Benefited]

Good thread breh

Western society is rigged to the point where nikkas (believe they) can't win

I agree with this,but at the same time disagree that black men have the lowest self esteem. I would say we have the highest self esteem overall,black men and women both.

The only difference is culturally what we base our self esteem on. Basing it on how much p*ssy you get,our many talents,having swag,how we dress,how much money we have. Which often can be misguided due to our perception of what alot of money is,based on our background. Now who's to say these aren't valid reasons to have good high esteem?but I would like to see us expand on that as a culture and prioritize. I'm loving the pride people are showing in being "woke" in recent years. We need to see pride in having wisdom and being a good leader who stands up for whats right. Pride in not being a promiscuous woman,more than pride for being "a bad bytch",Having high self esteem because you work hard and support your family even if you aren't rich.

Alot of black peoples self esteem is arguably so high, to the point its hard to tell nikkas shyt about self improvement.

But good for you OP for gaining that knowledge of self,thats what its all about. It pays to have that knowledge about those that came before you,talking to parents and grandparents etc. Alot of who we are inherently,is based on genetics. So sometimes you are the way you are by blood,so it will be up to you to overcome that challenge so that you can teach the next generation who may have that weakness how you overcame.

Alot of parents hide their darkest fears and short comings,or simply never work to better themselves.which puts their kids at a disadvantage and force them to figure it all out for themselves.

 

[Straw Hat Luffy]

do you read books?

Yes just not self help books though.