Fellas, I need your perspective…

[Elle Seven]

Great job, sorry about that, she woke me up from sleeping with this shyt. Dana paid for Joe’s flight, rental car, and Joe claims that he’s going to be at his other sister’s house. So my question was if it was the reverse, Would men have a problem with that. Meaning if Joe did pay for Dana’s flight and such. They only have one child together. She has two others that he raised. Yes, Lisa thinks that he did something because the situation is too fishy and it was already intense situation. I feel that neither of us can say, but his behavior is concerning.

Interesting.

First question which pops to mind now is why is the ex-wife Dana paying for everything for Joe? This was his blood sister, not hers. Did he explicitly ask her to do this for him (as opposed to asking other people in his family to shoulder these costs if he could not)?

Did she offer to do this for him? Was she particularly close to her ex-sister-in-law?

Not saying it automatically points to him cheating, but this is just a dynamic I have never observed before.

ETA: Also wanted to say it might have been advantageous for your sister to have had this conversation later. It could have given things more time to become clearer to her as well. I really just thought about it: she was calling and going off on a man who just lost a sister and went to bury her...at a superficial level, this is quite callous.

If it comes out he was acting unfaithfully, I suppose she may feel justified later down the line. The fact she is now seeking a male perspective now though makes me think she might be second-guessing her response.

 

[Studious one]

Sorry but the story seems incomplete. How would the sister know dude something with the ex? Also, did she know her boyfriend's sister. Not sure why shouldn't go for support. If he asked her to stay knowing ex-wife would be there, that's suspect but doesn't automatically mean he's cheating.

She had to work so she couldn’t go to the funeral because they would be down there for five days. She knows the family, yes, she doesn’t know that they’re doing anything, she saying that his behavior was suspect with the way he was rushing to get off the phone and not answering text messages. I agree that she doesn’t know that he’s cheating so you can’t definitively say that. My other sister feels differently, which is why I posted this here because I know that if I would’ve put it on a site like lipstick alley, they would automatically assume the man is cheating.

 

[Neo. The Only. The One.]

They were married for six years, separated for three, and just finalize the divorce last year. So with that being said, if the situation reversed, you wouldn’t be fine with the situation? I guess it was good to post this here because, both my sister and I are looking at it funny his behavior, but you guys see it differently. This is why we needed a male perspective.

Kinda hard to answer this cause I can't see a man being in the inverse of this exact situation. For one, I can't see a dude being THAT jealous over a woman and her ex husband and children. Men that I know who have been in that situation are usually understanding and reasonable (or they wouldn't go into that situation in the first place). Not saying that outliers don't exist but I am saying that on average, if he's in that situation, he aint tripping over her ex husband and children like that.

Also a man in that situation would have been the one to take her to that funeral. I dont see a scenario where a man could even sit this funeral out cause the woman would be looking at him like "you're not coming???"


He would have to go even if he didn't want to.

I think this is one of those situations that's specific to gender.

 

[Traveler]

Honestly when people go back home they get caught up with family. I know when my wife goes home to see her family she usually is busy running around with them. Same for me when I go home solo. Just busy catching up with family and old friends. We dint talk s much as we like but that's OK

 

[Studious one]

Interesting.

First question which pops to mind now is why is the ex-wife Dana paying for everything for Joe? This was his blood sister, not hers. Did he explicitly ask her to do this for him (as opposed to asking other people in his family to shoulder these costs if he could not)?

Did she offer to do this for him? Was she particularly close to her ex-sister-in-law?

Not saying it automatically points to him cheating, but this is just a dynamic I have never observed before.

I’m not gonna lie, even I found that very suspicious. He didn’t ask her to. The crazy thing is he could afford to pay for it, he has a good job. She wasn’t close to her as a matter fact, they broke up because of her cheating on him a lot during the marriage, so yeah.

 

[Studious one]

Kinda hard to answer this cause I can't see a man being in the inverse of this exact situation. For one, I can't see a dude being THAT jealous over a woman and her ex husband and children. Men that I know who have been in that situation are usually understanding and reasonable (or they wouldn't go into that situation in the first place). Not saying that outliers don't exist but I am saying that on average, if he's in that situation, he aint tripping over her ex husband and children like that.

Also a man in that situation would have been the one to take her to that funeral. I dont see a scenario where a man could even sit this funeral out cause the woman would be looking at him like "you're not coming???"


He would have to go even if he didn't want to.

I think this is one of those situations that's specific to gender.

Good point. Very good point.

 

[Neo. The Only. The One.]

Sorry but the story seems incomplete. How would the sister know dude something with the ex? Also, did she know her boyfriend's sister. Not sure why shouldn't go for support. If he asked her to stay knowing ex-wife would be there, that's suspect but doesn't automatically mean he's cheating.

I see what @Passionate1! is saying about the reason her sister didn't go to the funeral, but part of me is thinking the sister didn't really want to go anyway.

Maybe something about her breaking up while he's at the funeral is letting me know she wasn't being as caring and empathetic to her bf during this situation as she should be. Sounds like she don't really care about his sister dying. At least not on the level that she should care.

I think all of us brehs have dealt with a woman like this before.

 

[Numpsay]

So your sister thinks her bf waited until his sister died to use that as cover to sneak around with his ex wife?

 

[Neuromancer]

So he called her and told her to call him back?

 

[Elle Seven]

I’m not gonna lie, even I found that very suspicious. He didn’t ask her to. The crazy thing is he could afford to pay for it, he has a good job. She wasn’t close to her as a matter fact, they broke up because of her cheating on him a lot during the marriage, so yeah.

Oh.....

In this case....

Can't say for the your sister's boyfriend, but it sounds like the ex is scheming.

 

[OperationNumbNutts]

She had to work so she couldn’t go to the funeral because they would be down there for five days. She knows the family, yes, she doesn’t know that they’re doing anything, she saying that his behavior was suspect with the way he was rushing to get off the phone and not answering text messages. I agree that she doesn’t know that he’s cheating so you can’t definitively say that. My other sister feels differently, which is why I posted this here because I know that if I would’ve put it on a site like lipstick alley, they would automatically assume the man is cheating.

Fair enough. I can see in those circumstances folks not wanting to have long talks on the phone. Still it sounds like both could have handled it better and it sounds like an immature relationship.

 

[Neuromancer]

I see what @Passionate1! is saying about the reason her sister didn't go to the funeral, but part of me is thinking the sister didn't really want to go anyway.

Maybe something about her breaking up while he's at the funeral is letting me know she wasn't being as caring and empathetic to her bf during this situation as she should be. Sounds like she don't really care about his sister dying. At least not on the level that she should care.

I think all of us brehs have dealt with a woman like this before.

We have and we end up better off without them.

 

[Neo. The Only. The One.]

Oh yeah forgot to ask, how long your sister been going with dude? @Passionate1!

 

[Shadow King]

The flag, that I'll call an orange flag, is the ex wife supposedly paying for everything. That being said your sister overreacted and should've saved this topic for later. Depending on the type of dude he is and the depth of their relationship there's a good chance he's going to chalk it up as a dodged bullet.

 

[Studious one]

Oh.....

In this case....

Can't say for the your sister's boyfriend, but it sounds like the ex is scheming.

My sister feels the same way. Now you got me thinking, lol.