Fellas, I need your perspective…

[Studious one]

So she was invited to go to the funeral but “just didn’t want to go” even though he needed her support more than ever while he is grieving? Plus she knew the ex was going and still made the conscious decision to not go?

She wasn’t invited at all. She was told that the ex-wife was going from the time she learned of the funeral. She was never invited.

 

[JealousOnesEn_V]

She wasn’t invited at all. She was told that the ex-wife was going from the time she learned of the funeral. She was never invited.

Initially you made it seem like she was invited but couldn’t/didn’t want to go. Yeah that’s a fishy situation but I don’t know all the details.

 

[Studious one]

So she was invited to go to the funeral but “just didn’t want to go” even though he needed her support more than ever while he is grieving? Plus she knew the ex was going and still made the conscious decision to not let

Initially you made it seem like she was invited but couldn’t/didn’t want to go. Yeah that’s a fishy situation but I don’t know all the details.

No, she wasn’t invited at all but she thought that it was just because she had to work and she probably couldn’t get out of working. I think she said that just to say face though because she wasn’t invited

 

[TAYLONDO SAMSWORTHY]

I think cussing him out and breaking up with him over the phone while he was at his sister's funeral is crazy.

If i was dude i would count my blessings and figure i dodged a bullet by no longer being with your sister. Respectfully...

This.

 

[Studious one]

This is what it comes down to though, does your sis in her heart of hearts think he’s cheating with his ex?

Cuz if not all the drama is for nothing really

Don’t know. I will ask her. I know as women we tend to not put anything past a man. But you should really feel that way about anyone anyway.

 

[Studious one]

The foundation of the relationship seems weak and it was going to fall eventually if she ended the relationship over the phone while he was at his sister's funeral. No woman who truly cares about me would do that.

Respectfully, the funeral was Saturday and the incident happened on Thursday

 

[bourgeoisie tall freak]

From a woman’s perspective, your friend sounds like she could have handled it better


But I’m not the jealous type and my best friend is a dude so I’m used to women acting stupid af at a male female platonic relationship

 

[Neo. The Only. The One.]

Interesting.

First question which pops to mind now is why is the ex-wife Dana paying for everything for Joe? This was his blood sister, not hers. Did he explicitly ask her to do this for him (as opposed to asking other people in his family to shoulder these costs if he could not)?

Did she offer to do this for him? Was she particularly close to her ex-sister-in-law?

Not saying it automatically points to him cheating, but this is just a dynamic I have never observed before.

ETA: Also wanted to say it might have been advantageous for your sister to have had this conversation later. It could have given things more time to become clearer to her as well. I really just thought about it: she was calling and going off on a man who just lost a sister and went to bury her...at a superficial level, this is quite callous.

If it comes out he was acting unfaithfully, I suppose she may feel justified later down the line. The fact she is now seeking a male perspective now though makes me think she might be second-guessing her response.

This is what me and some of the other brehs are saying. Women don't be realizing that men go through things and are dealing with emotional turmoil ESPECIALLY in a situation like this. And for her to go off and cuss him out after the death of his sister? What the hell?

This was something for her to bring up later. But truth is... he's not the one giving off red flags in this situation. She is.

A lot of us brehs have dealt with an insecure irrational woman like this. There is no reasoning with a woman like this. She sees threats where there are none. She invents them, due to her own insecurities.

And then on top of that, she does it while he's grieving his sister??

I hope breh moves on and never looks back.

And if nothing proves that men and women think differently, this situation does. I'm not saying anything bad about you Elle or @Passionate1! cause I like both of y'all. But when you first looked at this situation, you didn't even look at it from the viewpoint of this man being emotionally distraught over his sister's passing, until we pointed it out to you.

A lot of women are notorious for this. Men are not given space to grieve and deal with things. We aren't given grace by a lot of women.

 

[Studious one]

From a woman’s perspective, your friend sounds like she could have handled it better


But I’m not the jealous type and my best friend is a dude so I’m used to women acting stupid af at a male female platonic relationship

I told my sister that. I think that when you get caught up in your emotions and anger is the worst time to handle a situation. In this instance, they are not friends, it’s his ex-wife, so I think that makes it a little different, but she said that she was fine with the situation. It was his behavior upon arrival that changed.

 

[Cat piss martini]

why couldnt the sista go to the funeral?
Dude fukked the shyt out of his ex wife
and he did it without a condom.
He was overwhelmed by the romanticism
and kalopsia of her bringing him plates at the
repass moving his hand away from her
thigh with a coy smile.
The fact that her ass was looking fat
in that dress,the fact she dropped
10 pounds and was carrying a real
louie purse and a new iphone with the
matching louie case doomed that nikka.

shyt.....bet that dirty nikka knocked the ex wife up!
Know i'm talmbout?

 

[LuuqMaan]

If she dumped him then technically she gave the go ahead for him to clap his ex cheeks til he get back from his trip

 

[Studious one]

This is what me and some of the other brehs are saying. Women don't be realizing that men go through things and are dealing with emotional turmoil ESPECIALLY in a situation like this. And for her to go off and cuss him out after the death of his sister? What the hell?

This was something for her to bring up later. But truth is... he's not the one giving off red flags in this situation. She is.

A lot of us brehs have dealt with an insecure irrational woman like this. There is no reasoning with a woman like this. She sees threats where there are none. She invents them, due to her own insecurities.

And then on top of that, she does it while he's grieving his sister??

I hope breh moves on and never looks back.

And if nothing proves that men and women think differently, this situation does. I'm not saying anything bad about you Elle or @Passionate1! cause I like both of y'all. But when you first looked at this situation, you didn't even look at it from the viewpoint of this man being emotionally distraught over his sister's passing, until we pointed it out to you.

A lot of women are notorious for this. Men are not given space to grieve and deal with things. We aren't given grace by a lot of women.

No, I looked at it that way. I feel the same way and she was being supportive to him. She always caters to him, and when the sister died, she made sure to keep a smile on his face and to be there when he was ready to talk. I feel that if a person does some things that make you side eye them, you can’t really call that insecurity though, I know she saying from the way he was acting on the phone but, I think when we know people, we know how their behaviors and their attitude change and we can detect that. Would you not agree?

 

[Ghost Utmost]

No way would my relationship survive my chick going anywhere with her ex anything.

Hope that helps.

 

[Neo. The Only. The One.]

The flag, that I'll call an orange flag, is the ex wife supposedly paying for everything. That being said your sister overreacted and should've saved this topic for later. Depending on the type of dude he is and the depth of their relationship there's a good chance he's going to chalk it up as a dodged bullet.

I can think of a situation where the ex wife paying for everything makes sense. Keep in mind that @Passionate1! said earlier in this thread that he didn't ask his gf (Passionate's sister) to attend the funeral.

First of all, he shouldn't have had to.

If my family member dies and I say I'm going home, I'm expecting her to say "what time we leaving?" Or if she can't go, say something like "baby, I wish I could be there for you, I'm sorry that I can't go because of xyz."

Sounds like he wasn't getting no support from the gf at all. And then it sounds like he and his ex wife and the children all needed to go, so they were talking back and forth to work out the logistics.

And I can see the ex (if she's a woman who knows how to plan) saying something like, "instead of us getting separate flights and all of that, I'll just buy our tickets since we all going to the same place."

And I can see him saying "that makes sense. I'll pay you back."

For logistics reasons, that makes all the sense in the world to me.

 

[Studious one]

I can think of a situation where the ex wife paying for everything makes sense. Keep in mind that @Passionate1! said earlier in this thread that he didn't ask his gf (Passionate's sister) to attend the funeral.

First of all, he shouldn't have had to.

If my family member dies and I say I'm going home, I'm expecting her to say "what time we leaving?" Or if she can't go, say something like "baby, I wish I could be there for you, I'm sorry that I can't go because of xyz."

Sounds like he wasn't getting no support from the gf at all. And then it sounds like he and his ex wife and the children all needed to go, so they were talking back and forth to work out the logistics.

And I can see the ex (if she's a woman who knows how to plan) saying something like, "instead of us getting separate flights and all of that, I'll just buy our tickets since we all going to the same place."

And I can see him saying "that makes sense. I'll pay you back."

For logistics reasons, that makes all the sense in the world to me.

Are you serious? From the time he mentioned the funeral in the next breath, he said that the ex-wife was going, and she’s paying for everything. She wasn’t invited at all, and, if it was me, I wouldn’t interject myself in some thing I wasn’t invited to. That’s just me.