Told her how I felt a month after actually knowing her, even if the timing happened to be right after she broke up with her man a few wee is prior.
Couldn't even tell you why I felt that way, but those big, dark brown eyes, super long curly hair, and her lack of fashion sense (she was pretty poor also)were charmingly attractive altogether.
Met her in Spanish clash, and I just remember a super dark girl with a mass of hair. She was nervous as fukk anytime she needed to speak in front of the class, hands going ham and she flails them about, stumbling on her words.
She lacked self confidence. Not to the point that she openly felt sorry for herself, but her background obviously put her at a disadvantage as she was somewhat abandoned by her mother. Even though she didn't speak of it much, it was terrible. She did track so this girl had the most awesome body, even way after high school and she wasn't in sports anymore, but the truth be told it was partly due to meager meals...lots of frozen pure packaged goods and fruits. A few years ago, she was maybe 23, and I went to her house and made her the first steak she had ever eaten.
I remember taking her to the mall back in high-school to help her pick out the dress she was gonna wear while on another mans arm at an event, and us being in the mirror with my arms around her small waist, taking mental pictures and wondering how I was to prolong that embrace and the joy it brought me.
Sometimes I wonder if I was ever really in love with her, but those 9 years of me wanting only her, at the expense of girls I actually had orbiting me at that time, I don't know if I even know love. What I do remember is a profound sense of sadness that followed the recurring reAlization that nothing I could say or do would make her feel as strongly towards me as I did towards her. There were times I saw through the fog over those 9 years and lived free of that burden...but anything I got to see her dark eyes and hold her hand or make fun of her for how bad she was at soul caliber or something, my feelings would return in an instant.
In her wake, I only know emptiness. I am not sad anymore. I don't despair, I don't wish her ill, I don't feel anything for her. I simply feel nothing. The day I knew I had to let her go for good, my emotional capacity went with it. 3 years and counting. I have nothing and nothing has me.
poor baby
Love is for suckers.
, first girl i had sex with as well, first girl that liked me for my awkward ass non social self . Didn't have to chase, didn't have to do nothing those were the days 
. But even to this day only 3 women in my life has ever GOT ME
