got diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder

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there was one point in time a few years ago when i was meditating regurlaly where i could reach this state of awareness like zen or something. just focused in the breath and i could literally catch thoughts before i even thought them and toss them in the bushes. just pure silence. ive tried meditating many times recently but i just cant reach that state anymore and the session feels worthless if you know what im sayin.

I feel you. Just start cleaning up everything. Get yourself together. Your growing up. You want the whole thing not just the pieces. Find a job that works for you so you can box. fukking focus on that shyt and get it done. Nothing else will satisfy you.

Your diagnosis is just a copout to sell you drugs and give you another bill. Think of a plan, get it on paper, do the math and find a job that work FOR You, as a semi pro boxer.

LEAN IN. Find a girl to help you support your goals. But sit there and focus on shytty step one. Step one is necessary for step two, paying for boxing. DO IT.

Don't make excuses and failure is just 'not success'. Don't judge yourself or feel down on yourself because something doesn't work for you.

In some ways your miles ahead of people years older than you. Your not sick, your just pressuring yourself. You have ambition. Control it, channel it. Stay positive. Stay simple. Cut bull shyt out of your life. Keep going. You HAVE momentum.

 

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but i cant function in society like everyone else so theres a problem. i cant have a boss tellign me what to do. i fear interviews more than death itself. i feel more comfortable in a police interview room than i do in a job interview. i punish myself subconsciously because i dont believe im worth a good life. how can i not compare myself to other people when other people can function in the world and i take multiple steps backwards and actually make my situation worse every year rather than better.

There is a part of you that is healthy.

Why aren't you more interested in life itself? Learn dude. It will keep your mind occupied. What interests you? Obsess over it.

Work is just one party of life. You have to submit. Submission is discipline. To lead is to serve. And humility is one of the most powerful things in the universe. Read that last part again.

Your going to die. The world is bullshyt. You have to play the game to win it. And when you have money and power you can change it. That alone should motivate you.

Remember when your feeling down that this is only a PART of your life, the same way boxing, your job and deep meditation is all part of your life. Over lap them.

Me, personally, I'm fukking crazy. I've accepted it.

If I told you what I believe I can do with my mind, you wouldn't believe me.

Everything that I once thought is our was unbelievable, is now my truth. That or I'm crazy. I don't know anymore. I don't care. My psychosis is as much a part of YOUR life as yours is, mines, and everyone else one the board. They can't talk to you on this, they come with basic response because..... THEY ARE BASIC PEOPLE.

I don't know if you believe in Indigo Kids, but there's alot of us. Welcome to 2015. We ALL have the same problem. We can't live in a fake world. We were born REAL rebels.

I'm sitting here watching Black Dynamite and I feel like it's my life story. Just go with the crazy, don't fight it. Expand!!

Lol go on my IG: @KillahKamn
Bend the world to YOUR vision.

 

[Black]

pm me indica! im here for you if you need to vent or talk about your mental health

slut.

 

[Black]

pm me indica! im here for you if you need to vent or talk about your mental health

slut.

 

[Music Fiend]

I had avoidant personality disorder.

Only way to beat it is to build that self esteem required to be yourself. You lack self-esteem because you don;t have an identity. So you constantly judge yourself with everything thats around you as a compass. Therefore you are going to cling to people and things that dont require change and challenge. Best thing to do is to distance yourself from the weed (I quit it), distance from friends, hit the gym early af in the morning and give yourself you day to expand your life. No more late nights stayin up past 1130 and get moving during the day.

Surround yourself with people you;d like to become. But I think the most important step is consistency. Learn to become consistent in your efforts. Low self esteem is a cycle, You self-sabotage your success and therefore don't see things making progress, but you cant make progress unless you stay consistent.

Start thinking in very very simple ways. This prolly helped the mostin building self-esteem. Thoughts like... spending all this time in the gym is not making my life better, so I need to do something else. Start making it very very simple as possible and non complex for your mind, because low self-esteem severely hinders your perception of reality.