Has or have your Significant other relatives ever make a pass at you????

[Formerly Black Trash]

I'm 5'8". When I graduated HS, I didn't even weigh 122lbs. I was literally the kick sand in the face guy from the Charles Atlas ads. The guy at MEPS had to put his toe on the scale for me to meet the minimum weight requirement at the time in order for me to go to boot camp. That's just how skinny I was back then. That didn't stop me from getting p*ssy though. Ever see a girl at the dance that didn't get to dance with the guy she wanted and the prettier girl won out? Well, I was that guy who slipped in there to "cheer" her up.

I was then, and still am, a super nerd. I wasn't one of the standout guys in the popular crew in school nor was I the one of the guys the top shelf girls were swooning over. I did have a few things going for me, though. I was never afraid to shoot my shot and I've never felt that any woman, on planet Earth, was out of my league. What's the worst that could happen? A no? A fukk off? What? Get out of my face? A nikka, please? I didn't care about getting shot down. There has been many a day of me overhearing, "How in the fukk did he get that?" and "What is she doing with him?". I'd slide right on in literally and figuratively.

I was a voracious reader when I was very young. I used to read encyclopedias for fun. Years of doing that built up a reservoir of knowledge I could pick from to generate conversations where I'd never run out of stuff to talk about. Not being limited to talking about whoever is hitting on the radio or famous ABC doing XYZ can take you around the world. Most women thought I was a lot smarter than I thought I was, while internally, I felt like the How You Like Them Apples guy who got sonn'd by Matt Damon's character in Goodwill Hunting.

Hell, I don't think I'm all that great looking. I think I'm average or slightly below. However, women have told me that I have bedroom eyes (whatever that means). What's funny is when they told me that, my eyes were probably like that because I was drunk, blunted or both.

My mother named me with one of the whitest first names you can think of. I used to hate my name when I was young. But, women, for some unknown reason, liked it. Unrelated: The faces of white people when I showed on to fix stuff and the only info they had on me was my name . . . I could write a small book on that alone.

No one will believe me, but I've fukked three Hollywood broads and a slightly famous female R& B singer who would pick me up at the Amtrack station in Croton and we'd hang out at her aunt's house in Spring Valley. I met her at my cousin's wedding back in '97-'98ish and we were assigned to the same table. I acted like I didn't even know her.

Oh, yeah. My accent is country as fukk on some, "Where the fukk are you from?" type shyt. They like that shyt too which still has me super confused.

Either I'm incredibly lucky or my game lifetime batting average is +.300 level.

I peaked in college

I hollered at random hoes and had bytches on me and either not knowing or being to scared to act

Hoes dont even look at me no more

 

[Ya Sinning Mane]

My aunts and female cousins be on a nikka ass at church and functions
have me feeling like a star.

I wouldn’t beat none of em cause I don’t wanna explain to God why I thought it was a good idea to fukk family

 

[Alvin]

Spoiler: Daddy Problems

Not as close as public perception might have us, since I smile and try my best to keep the facade going since it would be easier to appear that way as opposed to letting him and others know how I truly feel about him. It's ranged went from fear, to disdain, to outright hatred as I grew older and the attrition took on a more physical nature since he got pretty fond of using corporal punishment up until I hit 15, took a semi-public flogging from him and was amazed at how powerful adrenaline could dampen pain and make one feel invincible in the face of something that once terrified the shyt out of you.

Breh, my Dad was a mediocre family man that coasted through life for 3 decades off the strength of my Mom being the sole breadwinner, while he established himself as a very ineffective and erratic disciplinarian that never took the time to find reason in anything you did; His only solution to whatever he disliked in you, was to exact a beating or threaten one, often publicly if an audience was present.

He was the type of dude to wail on you for failing math a semester but never get you the help that you needed, try and coax you into practicing and becoming better or atleast attain a working understanding of the shyt you failing, while still expecting you to get "Top" marks, with anything less resulting in a beating worse than the one he either promised you, or in some situations, ladened on you along with other archaic punishments. The type of nikka to slam your textbook down on the dinner table, collar you up by your shirt with a fist in your face and demand that you read/practice the ENTIRE textbook from 7am to 5pm and then in bed by 7...at the start of summer after showing you that he's cut and rigged a few switches to fukk you up with 'cause he's coming in the afternoon to quiz you on shyt.

But he never quizzed you. He just felt that objecting you to this extreme form of 'studying' as he called it mixed with abject fear would turn you into the student he felt EVERYONE should be, had they just "Listened to the teacher." because it starts with you not focusing as opposed to grasping and a belt will knock that right out of you. His logic. And it's funny, because he dropped out of school, doesn't read and can hardly pronounce certain words without sounding like he's partially illiterate at times, so you'd think he should atleast understand, but he refuses to.

He disliked seeing you having fun, it felt like and I honestly learned NOTHING from him in ways of values, philosophy or even basic manners, because he showed me how a selfish and egotistical human being he could be. Perfect example, the step from Primary School to Highschool was a pretty big one for most me and my friends and the first day of orientation when the parents came about and everyone was basically smiling, laughing, high fiving each other, feeling proud in our new uniforms since we finally made it to "Big School" and wondering what new changes we gonna experience. Everyone else's parents smiling, giving words of encouragement, one lady even prayed for us while we was there (Rest in Peace Mrs Power), the mood was so nice and jovial. Who pops in, corners me to the side and says loud enough for others to hear, with enough menace to change the whole mood that he's gonna "Give every teacher the right to take a belt and 'whup' my ass anytime I fukk up." causing damn near everyone to look around like someone just slapped the shyt out of a baby? My Pops. Couldn't he have told me that when we went home? Got in the car? He had to do that amongst my friends and their families making EVERYONE feel bad for me? That's the type of nikka he was; Didnt' care how he felt past how he made YOU feel, which was under his power.

Never praised you for shyt, never encouraged you to be better save for a handful of sparse moments when he wanted to be a bit more diplomatic and try and talk to you as intelligently as he could, which as I grew older, all sounded like uneducated gibberish tempered with ignorance and after I gave him that Tyson stare down during the last time he felt bold enough to hit me, he complained about me to other folk whenever my name came up to the point of ridicule until I graduated highschool and bounced.

The sad reality about my Pops, is that outside of my Bro and now my Mom's since they going through a divorce and we had a brief moment of sharing all the fukked up shyt he's done and how badly he held us back all our lives (Something she silently condoned for a minute when he was in favour with her, so I still look at her with an aire of disdain as well) he's a very well liked person. He's damn near a local celebrity here and all my cousins on his side consider him the "Best Uncle Ever" because he amplifies everything you like and facilitates it, while denying me and subsequently my bro, the same privilege because we were never academically brilliant or housed any other extraordinary skills, so we feared him, hated him and as we got older, avoided him.

My Dad pound for pound is a mediocre human being. I never once looked to run to him for anything, even as a pre-teen when I started saving my own money (Which he used to 'confiscate' at times) to buy shyt I wanted, started having feelings for girls or wondered how anything else a Pops would show his son works. I learned all that shyt on my own through the help of my Uncles and Grandfather (God rest his soul) while my Dad just stayed as an unnecessary figure in my life I wanted little to do with.

The only thing that man ever taught me, was how NOT to be a shyt father; something I know I'm gonna change when I eventually have kids 'cause his penchant for being an fukkhead instead of a father was weapon's grade, man.

​

damn, I'm sorry to hear that.

 

[Crude]

Yes my wife's cousin made a little comment about my body one day when I came in after working out.

I looked at my wife and my wife look back at me like.


I really don't know if she was making a pass at me, but the shyt was inappropriate as hell.

 

[Address_Unknown]

damn, I'm sorry to hear that.

Don't be. I'm not. The condensed shyt on my Dad is but a blip in the relatively awesome upbringing I had as a child, off the strength of the rest of my family on my Mom's side. From my Grandparents down to my Aunts and Uncles, through to my cousins, my family held me down and nurtured me into the man I am today; Bless 'em for it.

Rest in Peace, #24.

 

[Alvin]

Don't be. I'm not. The condensed shyt on my Dad is but a blip in the relatively awesome upbringing I had as a child, off the strength of the rest of my family on my Mom's side. From my Grandparents down to my Aunts and Uncles, through to my cousins, my family held me down and nurtured me into the man I am today; Bless 'em for it.


​

yeah but no one should have to go through that with a parent.

 

[Address_Unknown]

yeah but no one should have to go through that with a parent.

They shouldn't, but it's more fitting to see where his trajectory is right now after he ruled like an corrupt despot and now he basically out in Exile. Plus as weird as it may sound, the shyt just bolstered me to do my best NOT to be like him since kids can sometimes simulate their parents through their upbringings. I could have been an egotistical fake a$$hole like him, but I ain't.

Plus.....he could have been worse. He could have been abusive (I was punished, not abused) or put us in danger. He was more of an annoyance than a detriment. Sad to say. I know my kids will never be subjected to that sort of shyt and in a roundabout way, they got him to thank for it.

Rest in Peace, #24.

 

[Neo. The Only. The One.]

Dated this one girl for about a year and change, got in good with her fam, but sorta got closer than I expected with her Mom. While she wasn't overt with that shyt, she sorta had a way of hugging me from behind in public calling me her "Son-in-Law" whenever we were out a friendly functions and it was a bit awkward having ya girl's Mom hug you from behind in public,rubbing her face into your back with people around.

Spoiler: Penthouse Letter Ducktales

Girl I was dating had a Mom that was a bit too friendly with me, but I just figured she was like that since she was the bubbly type. Didn't help that me and her daughter was arguing damn near everyday over the stupidest of shyt and she had already said she was really happy that her daughter found someone she considered stable and wasn't out doing shyt or not being shyt so she favoured me even though things were falling apart.

We talked alot and at times when I got a bit bold, drank together. I never openly flirted with her and her flirtation with me was more coy than anything, but it was there. After me and her daughter broke up (She broke it off with me to go fukk with this doctor cat who came back home and was "trending") I used to see her and wave/make small talk but never really stuck around enough for a formal conversation until we met by chance a few months later.

I was in the Liquor section buying some Rum and felt somebody knock a shopping basket against my ass like I look around and she watching me dead in the face talking about "You know I don't drink Rum, I'm a wine woman." I was single, mostly healed emotionally and not to sound crass, still with a semi since it was morning. I turn and tell her. "Nah, you ain't doing no drinking tonite. You put too much salt in ya shyts when you sloshed* A reference from a dinner she had made a while back where she was sipping wine and cooking and ended up oversalting some potatoes and we laughed about hypertension and diabetes and getting older (I was late 20's at the time, she was late 40's) after the dishes were cleared.

We make small talk, dance around the subject of me not being with her daughter and she basically said "Just because you and here are finished, don't mean WE are finished." She didn't ask, she sorta said it, being bold while I was sorta being timid and we played off each other like we usually did when our places were set out, but now that I was single to go along with her always being single (Divorced) we danced around each other for a bit, meeting and mild flirtation out in public until I pretty much told her I'm coming over with not one but TWO bottles of her fave wine and I want us to talk candidly with our shoes off on her porch.

She accepted. I came over with a chiller. We drank, talked, confided each other. I told her about my family problems, why I felt it didn't work out with her daughter, about nearing 30, she talked about nearing 40, her lack of confidence in dating another man right now past just having dalliances, her parents marriage which is still going strong in comparison to hers which lasted a little under a decade amongst other shyt. After we opened the second bottle of wine, I made my move and told her that she has nice feet and I'd like to rub them while she talked.

She looked a bit taken back, but I told her, that if she agrees, go inside, get some more frozen grapes, some sweet smelling lotion come back and put her left foot in my lap.

If she ain't with it or feel like I'm being forward. Go inside, turn the porch light off and I'll leave and we never speak on this shyt again.

She came back in less than a minute with the shyts, I put thumb to arches, oiled up her piggies while she sat there resting on her elbows and we had our first informal date. One of the best relationships I ever had with a woman, truth be told. Our "Fling" as she called it lasted twice as long as what me and her daughter had. We actually traveled together, did a bit of kinky shyt (Semi-Public fukking) and comforted each other mutually until It ended when she met a dude her age and got married.

Did the daughter ever get curious about why you're hanging out with her mom?