This is the latest in the series
#1 Hamilton and Burr
#2 Kozo Noshino and the oil workers
#3 Robert Smalls vs. the Confederates
Ya'all have heard of Egyptian Queen Cleopatra. But her reign is way crazier than you ever imagined...
Aunt Berenice
shyt popped off between the Egyptians and the Romans before Cleopatra even came on the scene. Her gramps died 12 years before she was born and aunt Berenice III ascended to the throne.
The Romans were tying to control Egyptian affairs tho and they wanted a man in charge of Egypt.
So the Romans made Berenice marry her own cousin Ptolemy XI Alexander II, who was also her stepson (cause she had previously married her own uncle), and probably her half-brother (rumor was they had the same courtesan mama).
Dats right, she married her cousin/stepson/half-brother on some Hapsburg shyt.
Too bad he was a power-hungry mofo, cause he had his new bride Berenice killed just 18 days after the wedding.
The people of Egypt didn't like that shyt so they lynched his ass.
Of course, the fool had already willed the entire Egyptian kingdom over the Romans as collateral for outstanding loans (don't go into debt brehs), so the Romans picked the next rulers and decided to split it between a couple illegitimate sons of the previous Egyptian emperor. One of the new kings was Cleopatra's father.
Cleopatra's daddy
Cleopatra's dad struggled to maintain control as Rome was threatening to annex Egypt's ass. Pops bestowed lavish gifts on the Romans tryin ta kiss their ass. Course he bankrupted the kingdom with all those gifts and had to take out loans.
Then when the Romans took over his brother's half of the kingdom and drove his brother to suicide, pops was c00ning so hard he didn't even say a word about his own bro's death cause he didn't want to step on no toes.
Egyptian people got so pissed off they exiled his ass out of the country. Pops ran away to hide in Rome, so shyt popped off again between Egypt and Rome, and Rome invaded Egypt.
A young Mark Anthony was an officer in that fight, during that time he saw the 14-year-old daughter of the would-be Egyptian ruler and fell in love. This was the first sign of the power Cleopatra had over men.
Queen Cleopatra
A lot of shyt went down, but long story short papa died, and at the age of 18 Cleopatra and her brother took over rule of Egypt. Cleopatra rejected her brother's ass though and declared herself sole ruler. He wasn't having none of that, and pretty soon civil war broke out over the throne.
Meanwhile Rome was having their own damn civil war over control of the throne between Pompey and Caesar. Cleopatra took Pompey's side and sent him ships to help, but Pompey still ended up losing to Caeser. He chose to flee to Egypt, but when he got there, Cleopatra's brother, who was still feuding with her ass, had Pompey stabbed to death. He cut off his damn head and sent it to Caesar.
Now that Caesar was in charge of Rome, it would seem that Cleopatra was gonna be in a world of hurt. Indeed, her bro went with his armies to see Caesar and attempt to gain full control of the kingdom. But Cleopatra snuck herself into Caesar's palace herself and "charmed" the Roman Emperor.
Caeser was
at that point and basically ready to give Cleopatra whatever she wanted.
Cleopatra's bro got raging mad and ended up laying siege to the palace, trapping Caesar and Cleopatra inside. War went on for a year before Caesar/Cleopatra got the upper hand, and bro drowned when his ship was sunk.
Caesar became the undisputed Emperor of Rome, and Cleopatra the ruler of all of Egypt. Cleopatra was now pregnant with Caesar's first son, Caesarion. His Roman wife had still not born him a child, so he kept his mouth shut about all that in Rome, but back in Egypt she let people know who the daddy was.
Oh, there was also the part where she had her other little bro poisoned to keep him from sharing the throne.
Caesar's reign didn't last long, as he was assassinated three years later.
Cleopatra tried to get her son Caesarion named as heir of the Roman Empire (which would effectively have put her in charge), but lost out and returned to Egypt.
The
Era
Rome broke out into civil war, with Cleopatra assisting Octavian and Mark Anthony against the assassins of Caesar (Cassius and Brutus). Octavian and Mark Anthony won in the end. Cleopatra looked around and figured that Mark Anthony was the most powerful man in Rome, so she seduced him, easy pickings because he had been in love already since the war 15 years earlier.
Oh yeah, she also had her own sister executed to eliminate any other claims on the throne.
Soon, Cleopatra was once again ruler of all Egypt. She gave birth to twins the next year, the acknowledged children of Mark Anthony. Mark Anthony's Roman wife was jealous, but she died a couple years later and he remarried with Octavian's sister Octavia. Mark Anthony expanded Cleopatra's territories to make her rule larger and larger.
Things couldn't stay good between Octavian and Mark Anthony, and they broke out into rivalry. Mark Anthony had another son with Cleopatra, which Octavian attempted to use to his benefit by exploiting the rift between Mark Anthony and his Roman wife Octavia.
Cleopatra had a hold on Mark Anthony though. He ended up passing all sorts of Roman territory over to her and her children, then married her even though he was still married to Octavia,
Mark Anthony even declared Caesarion the rightful heir of Casear. Rome went wild over that shyt, and started talking crazy talk about Cleopatra, saying that she had brainwashed Mark Anthony with witchcraft and sorcery, that she was the next Helen of Troy and was destroying civilization. Octavian even claimed that Mark Anthony was giving away Rome's freedom "as a slave to his Oriental queen."
Rome broke into full-on civil war between Mark Anthony and Octavian, with Cleopatra sending Egyptians in support of Mark Anthony.
The two of them even fought side-by-side in war at times. However, fate was not with them, and Octavian emerged victorious.
Cleopatra asked Octavian to allow Mark Anthony to live in exile in Egypt and have her children be the heirs to her throne. Octavian asked her to just have Mark Anthony killed instead. Cleopatra never got the message, and Octavian invaded Egypt.
Mark Anthony, trapped by Octavian's fleet, got word that Cleopatra had committed suicide (apparently sent by Cleopatra herself), and responded by stabbing himself in the stomach and slowly dying. After burying Mark Anthony, Cleopatra, aware that she was about to lose her throne to Octavian, committed suicide herself by poisoning, possibly via the bite of a cobra.
And that was the end of her chapter.
tldr: Cleopatra was basically what would happen if Crown Prince MbS was a Kardashian
#1 Hamilton and Burr
#2 Kozo Noshino and the oil workers
#3 Robert Smalls vs. the Confederates
Ya'all have heard of Egyptian Queen Cleopatra. But her reign is way crazier than you ever imagined...
Aunt Berenice
shyt popped off between the Egyptians and the Romans before Cleopatra even came on the scene. Her gramps died 12 years before she was born and aunt Berenice III ascended to the throne.
The Romans were tying to control Egyptian affairs tho and they wanted a man in charge of Egypt.
So the Romans made Berenice marry her own cousin Ptolemy XI Alexander II, who was also her stepson (cause she had previously married her own uncle), and probably her half-brother (rumor was they had the same courtesan mama).
Dats right, she married her cousin/stepson/half-brother on some Hapsburg shyt.
Too bad he was a power-hungry mofo, cause he had his new bride Berenice killed just 18 days after the wedding.
The people of Egypt didn't like that shyt so they lynched his ass.
Of course, the fool had already willed the entire Egyptian kingdom over the Romans as collateral for outstanding loans (don't go into debt brehs), so the Romans picked the next rulers and decided to split it between a couple illegitimate sons of the previous Egyptian emperor. One of the new kings was Cleopatra's father.
Cleopatra's daddy
Cleopatra's dad struggled to maintain control as Rome was threatening to annex Egypt's ass. Pops bestowed lavish gifts on the Romans tryin ta kiss their ass. Course he bankrupted the kingdom with all those gifts and had to take out loans.
Then when the Romans took over his brother's half of the kingdom and drove his brother to suicide, pops was c00ning so hard he didn't even say a word about his own bro's death cause he didn't want to step on no toes.
Egyptian people got so pissed off they exiled his ass out of the country. Pops ran away to hide in Rome, so shyt popped off again between Egypt and Rome, and Rome invaded Egypt.
A young Mark Anthony was an officer in that fight, during that time he saw the 14-year-old daughter of the would-be Egyptian ruler and fell in love. This was the first sign of the power Cleopatra had over men.
Queen Cleopatra
A lot of shyt went down, but long story short papa died, and at the age of 18 Cleopatra and her brother took over rule of Egypt. Cleopatra rejected her brother's ass though and declared herself sole ruler. He wasn't having none of that, and pretty soon civil war broke out over the throne.
Meanwhile Rome was having their own damn civil war over control of the throne between Pompey and Caesar. Cleopatra took Pompey's side and sent him ships to help, but Pompey still ended up losing to Caeser. He chose to flee to Egypt, but when he got there, Cleopatra's brother, who was still feuding with her ass, had Pompey stabbed to death. He cut off his damn head and sent it to Caesar.
Now that Caesar was in charge of Rome, it would seem that Cleopatra was gonna be in a world of hurt. Indeed, her bro went with his armies to see Caesar and attempt to gain full control of the kingdom. But Cleopatra snuck herself into Caesar's palace herself and "charmed" the Roman Emperor.
Caeser was
at that point and basically ready to give Cleopatra whatever she wanted.Cleopatra's bro got raging mad and ended up laying siege to the palace, trapping Caesar and Cleopatra inside. War went on for a year before Caesar/Cleopatra got the upper hand, and bro drowned when his ship was sunk.
Caesar became the undisputed Emperor of Rome, and Cleopatra the ruler of all of Egypt. Cleopatra was now pregnant with Caesar's first son, Caesarion. His Roman wife had still not born him a child, so he kept his mouth shut about all that in Rome, but back in Egypt she let people know who the daddy was.
Oh, there was also the part where she had her other little bro poisoned to keep him from sharing the throne.
Caesar's reign didn't last long, as he was assassinated three years later.
Cleopatra tried to get her son Caesarion named as heir of the Roman Empire (which would effectively have put her in charge), but lost out and returned to Egypt.
The
Rome broke out into civil war, with Cleopatra assisting Octavian and Mark Anthony against the assassins of Caesar (Cassius and Brutus). Octavian and Mark Anthony won in the end. Cleopatra looked around and figured that Mark Anthony was the most powerful man in Rome, so she seduced him, easy pickings because he had been in love already since the war 15 years earlier.
Oh yeah, she also had her own sister executed to eliminate any other claims on the throne.
Soon, Cleopatra was once again ruler of all Egypt. She gave birth to twins the next year, the acknowledged children of Mark Anthony. Mark Anthony's Roman wife was jealous, but she died a couple years later and he remarried with Octavian's sister Octavia. Mark Anthony expanded Cleopatra's territories to make her rule larger and larger.
Things couldn't stay good between Octavian and Mark Anthony, and they broke out into rivalry. Mark Anthony had another son with Cleopatra, which Octavian attempted to use to his benefit by exploiting the rift between Mark Anthony and his Roman wife Octavia.
Cleopatra had a hold on Mark Anthony though. He ended up passing all sorts of Roman territory over to her and her children, then married her even though he was still married to Octavia,
Mark Anthony even declared Caesarion the rightful heir of Casear. Rome went wild over that shyt, and started talking crazy talk about Cleopatra, saying that she had brainwashed Mark Anthony with witchcraft and sorcery, that she was the next Helen of Troy and was destroying civilization. Octavian even claimed that Mark Anthony was giving away Rome's freedom "as a slave to his Oriental queen."
Rome broke into full-on civil war between Mark Anthony and Octavian, with Cleopatra sending Egyptians in support of Mark Anthony.
Cleopatra asked Octavian to allow Mark Anthony to live in exile in Egypt and have her children be the heirs to her throne. Octavian asked her to just have Mark Anthony killed instead. Cleopatra never got the message, and Octavian invaded Egypt.
Mark Anthony, trapped by Octavian's fleet, got word that Cleopatra had committed suicide (apparently sent by Cleopatra herself), and responded by stabbing himself in the stomach and slowly dying. After burying Mark Anthony, Cleopatra, aware that she was about to lose her throne to Octavian, committed suicide herself by poisoning, possibly via the bite of a cobra.
And that was the end of her chapter.
tldr: Cleopatra was basically what would happen if Crown Prince MbS was a Kardashian
Last edited:
keep em comin
