How Can Adults Undo The Harm Of Being Parentified As Children

[Complexion]

I deal with this, and my girl’s mother is the same way, so she deals with it as well. It’s the reason we’ve been having problems, and I’ve been depressed for a couple of weeks.

She refuses to speak up, or say anything to her mother, despite this woman insisting on having her way all the time, not respecting boundaries, and basically being a grown ass “mean girl”. I don’t know if I want to deal with that woman for the rest of my life in addition to my own mother.

Look at the post I made earlier about repeating patterns. Its the subconscious reason you picked that girl out of countless options because she ticks the same damaged boxes and thus generates a sense of familiarity/comfort in misery which is then very easily propagated to the next generation.

Becoming aware of this is the first step to defusing the pattern because bringing the unconscious into full awareness takes away a lot of its power but can be a painful experience. In the end its worth it though because you break the chain and free the next generation from repeating this BS.

 

[CreepyMcCreeperson]

Look at the post I made earlier about repeating patterns. Its the subconscious reason you picked that girl out of countless options because she ticks the same damaged boxes and thus generates a sense of familiarity/comfort in misery which is then very easily propagated to the next generation.

Becoming aware of this is the first step to defusing the pattern because bringing the unconscious into full awareness takes away a lot of its power but can be a painful experience. In the end its worth it though because you break the chain and free the next generation from repeating this BS.

Breh, I’ve BEEN identified the problem, and have been researching, and trying to find psychiatrists for a couple years now. I just never found one. It’s difficult when someone has the “this is my parent, I have to respect them and never put them down” mentality. She thinks I’m being mean, and my mom thinks I’m being mean, and my stepdad called me telling me I’m disrespecting my mom, and not to come over there if I’m going to talk like that. This was after I went over there to do my mom a favor, and I mentioned she needs to stop making comments every time my girl eats.

My girl is slim, and has always been self conscious about her weight. Her mother always made comments, and any time my mom is around, and we’re eating, my mom will make comments on how much she eats, and she’s wasting my money. She will say this in restaurants. I asked my mom not to say anything about it, in a very calm, but serious tone. Then came the theatrics, and the victim mentality. I said something she didn’t like about her rudeness, so now I’m saying she’s the devil, and I never appreciated her, and I think I’m better than everybody, and so does my girl.



So imagine that, but in a much louder, and more ratchet form. That’s my potential future mother in law. Can you imagine the impact on my future children with grandmothers like that?

 

[Complexion]

Yes, which is why the one thing you need to do is what you won't do:

Detach.

Thoroughly and completely. Its the most effective way because these people are psychological vampires that feed off elicited energies. Take the case with your girl, the vampire hands over a tiny bit of energy ("You've got such a great appetite!") which somehow happens to fit magically into that soft spot that armor doesn't cover and your girl then (mentally, emotionally, physically, verbally - doesn't matter as the energetic transfer still takes place) hands over a whole load more energy directed at the vampire thanks to the turmoil generated. Notice how the vampires wording is dual edged? Generally they're either slick verbally or unpredictable physically, rarely both. Substance abuse/overt religiosity are also two co-factors I've noted.

See why detachment is so important because when it comes to these vampires they are exceedingly perceptive when it comes to weakness (mainly because their own life is a front and they are empty within and thus well versed in image creation) and log each and every little detail they can find on someone away for a time when it can be used for extraction purposes.

Don't think they're doing this consciously or with effort because they're not. Just like you didn't think about finding a girl who repeats the exact same pattern but you did anyway. Just like if you left her the next one would be the same as well.

Now by detaching you defuse the pattern so it dims and thus becomes weaker and holds less sway over your thoughts, deeds and actions.

Once you've cleansed internally you can choose to let the vampire back into your life if you wish but don't expect them to change because they'll go right back to mapping patterns after a month of charm and seeming regret laid on thick purely to lure you back in again and drop your defenses. Either that or you'll get guilt tripped/massive scene depending upon approach. Key factor is you'll be thinking of them whilst away which is how they reactivate patterns again.

Everything is energy. For some very perplexing reason the universe decides to give vampire parents very sensitive children. Or it may be that the child becomes hypersensitive due to being violated psychically since their inception. Either way its a huge problem because only 1/10 people actually realize whats happening and the rest pay it no heed but still leak their energy and wonder why they're tired each time they go and see so and so. If this is you:

Detach.

 

[Gloxina]

How did I not see this when it was posted??



I deal with this, and my girl’s mother is the same way, so she deals with it as well. It’s the reason we’ve been having problems, and I’ve been depressed for a couple of weeks.

She refuses to speak up, or say anything to her mother, despite this woman insisting on having her way all the time, not respecting boundaries, and basically being a grown ass “mean girl”. I don’t know if I want to deal with that woman for the rest of my life in addition to my own mother.

Feel you! This is why I’ve been single for a bit. My mom flipped out and I had to do some healing before she caused anymore damage. She would’ve definitely ruined my next relationship before I put up the necessary boundaries.

 

[Gloxina]

Breh, I’ve BEEN identified the problem, and have been researching, and trying to find psychiatrists for a couple years now. I just never found one. It’s difficult when someone has the “this is my parent, I have to respect them and never put them down” mentality. She thinks I’m being mean, and my mom thinks I’m being mean, and my stepdad called me telling me I’m disrespecting my mom, and not to come over there if I’m going to talk like that. This was after I went over there to do my mom a favor, and I mentioned she needs to stop making comments every time my girl eats.

My girl is slim, and has always been self conscious about her weight. Her mother always made comments, and any time my mom is around, and we’re eating, my mom will make comments on how much she eats, and she’s wasting my money. She will say this in restaurants. I asked my mom not to say anything about it, in a very calm, but serious tone. Then came the theatrics, and the victim mentality. I said something she didn’t like about her rudeness, so now I’m saying she’s the devil, and I never appreciated her, and I think I’m better than everybody, and so does my girl.



So imagine that, but in a much louder, and more ratchet form. That’s my potential future mother in law. Can you imagine the impact on my future children with grandmothers like that?

Daaaaaawg.

This is my mom. Except the complete opposite of ratchet.
She gave me a complex.

She is lowkey jealous of your lady and is nitpicking to make her self conscious.

 

[old soul]

Check out "the drama of the gifted child," complex PTSD, and attachment therapy.

 

[Gloxina]

Breh, I’ve BEEN identified the problem, and have been researching, and trying to find psychiatrists for a couple years now. I just never found one. It’s difficult when someone has the “this is my parent, I have to respect them and never put them down” mentality. She thinks I’m being mean, and my mom thinks I’m being mean, and my stepdad called me telling me I’m disrespecting my mom, and not to come over there if I’m going to talk like that. This was after I went over there to do my mom a favor, and I mentioned she needs to stop making comments every time my girl eats.

My girl is slim, and has always been self conscious about her weight. Her mother always made comments, and any time my mom is around, and we’re eating, my mom will make comments on how much she eats, and she’s wasting my money. She will say this in restaurants. I asked my mom not to say anything about it, in a very calm, but serious tone. Then came the theatrics, and the victim mentality. I said something she didn’t like about her rudeness, so now I’m saying she’s the devil, and I never appreciated her, and I think I’m better than everybody, and so does my girl.



So imagine that, but in a much louder, and more ratchet form. That’s my potential future mother in law. Can you imagine the impact on my future children with grandmothers like that?

With all due respect- FUKK THAT.
That’s where I was and I was literally at the point of having a mental breakdown because of my mother’s mental breakdown. Like, I actually function really well when I sever communication with her. And it feels terrible on a deep level because no one wants to be the woman who has a strained relationship with her mother, but I can only be around her for short periods before she tries to get under my skin. I had to choose me.

My mother made my aunt cry in church, and my aunt just sat there and took it. I was like “This is why she never changed. None of you call her on her shyt”. Now of course she changed in the last year or so because she realized no one wants to be around her and she’s too old to be argumentative. But the reputation is solidified with those outside my family. She’s VERY lucky she comes from a big family.

You recognized it before anymore damage can be done to you and now you need your lady to get to that place. Her mother scarred her and she hasn’t made it to the other side yet.

It sucks because you basically have to turn a little cold. The great thing is you found love while dealing with this, and you and your lady can help each other get through this! As the poster mentioned above, you were drawn to each other because of your similar trauma.
Kind of eerie when you think about it.

 

[CapitalforCapital]

fukk all that cracker psychology nonsense. Live life on reality. Don’t be a p*ssy and run from Your problems or wish for something better.

 

[Gloxina]

Yes, which is why the one thing you need to do is what you won't do:

Detach.

Thoroughly and completely. Its the most effective way because these people are psychological vampires that feed off elicited energies. Take the case with your girl, the vampire hands over a tiny bit of energy ("You've got such a great appetite!") which somehow happens to fit magically into that soft spot that armor doesn't cover and your girl then (mentally, emotionally, physically, verbally - doesn't matter as the energetic transfer still takes place) hands over a whole load more energy directed at the vampire thanks to the turmoil generated. Notice how the vampires wording is dual edged? Generally they're either slick verbally or unpredictable physically, rarely both. Substance abuse/overt religiosity are also two co-factors I've noted.

See why detachment is so important because when it comes to these vampires they are exceedingly perceptive when it comes to weakness (mainly because their own life is a front and they are empty within and thus well versed in image creation) and log each and every little detail they can find on someone away for a time when it can be used for extraction purposes.

Don't think they're doing this consciously or with effort because they're not. Just like you didn't think about finding a girl who repeats the exact same pattern but you did anyway. Just like if you left her the next one would be the same as well.

Now by detaching you defuse the pattern so it dims and thus becomes weaker and holds less sway over your thoughts, deeds and actions.

Once you've cleansed internally you can choose to let the vampire back into your life if you wish but don't expect them to change because they'll go right back to mapping patterns after a month of charm and seeming regret laid on thick purely to lure you back in again and drop your defenses. Either that or you'll get guilt tripped/massive scene depending upon approach. Key factor is you'll be thinking of them whilst away which is how they reactivate patterns again.

Everything is energy. For some very perplexing reason the universe decides to give vampire parents very sensitive children. Or it may be that the child becomes hypersensitive due to being violated psychically since their inception. Either way its a huge problem because only 1/10 people actually realize whats happening and the rest pay it no heed but still leak their energy and wonder why they're tired each time they go and see so and so. If this is you:

Detach.

Wow. We’re having a full on therapy session in here this evening. You just described virtually my entire life.

I’m literally in shock. You explained everything I had to learn/realize all alone.

It’s like a lifetime of being gaslit. And you repeat the cycles in relationships because you’re drawn to people who are trapped in the same cycle. This is why healthy people run away when they sense it, because they know how damaged you are, but you can’t see it. It’s like being born surrounded by funhouse mirrors. You grow up with a distorted sense of reality and emotions because your parent put you in the box (funhouse) from birth.

 

[Complexion]

Wow. We’re having a full on therapy session in here this evening. You just described virtually my entire life.

I’m literally in shock. You explained everything I had to learn/realize all alone.

It’s like a lifetime of being gaslit. And you repeat the cycles in relationships because you’re drawn to people who are trapped in the same cycle. This is why healthy people run away when they sense it, because they know how damaged you are, but you can’t see it. It’s like being born surrounded by funhouse mirrors. You grow up with a distorted sense of reality and emotions because your parent put you in the box (funhouse) from birth.

Like I said its a lot more common than people think and it also follows a very similar formula in most cases. Take one aspect into consideration:

The fact that people raised like this find other people raised like this without either of them initially mentioning a thing offers an immense insight into the nature of reality. Imagine if you could take that aspect of perception and program it instead to seek out more fulfilling relationships, opportunities etc.. How amazing would that be?

Evidently the facility must exist because this trait is common in every situ I've dealt with and thats one of the things that fascinated me because we obviously pick up way more info from people that we consciously register as evidenced by your "healthy people run away" observation.

The distortion thing is key to this as well because of being used as a supply instead of being nurtured as a child there is an immense amount of codependency that feels painful to break from. In this case feelings of shame/guilt should be considered as signposts to healing because they're directing you out of the messed up space you currently dwell within.

Its why detachment is such a vital step because a) the vampire has way more experience in this than you and b) they made you this way anyway. The latter makes it very hard to see the distortions as you think thats how it is and doing it another way feel wrong until you re-calibrate.

This is all so exceedingly common but the degrees its inflicted with vary from home to home. If you could fly on the wall most peoples family lives folks would be walking round with WTF! faces on at the madness but because that aspect is so well hidden in society and most never question what they're born into as they take it as standard. This is the root of why I say most people are inauthentic, wearing masks, manufacturing proof as they lie to themselves.

You may get something from reading this:

Why Will Slapped Chris + What it says about You

A man murders another in ancient times. The only witness to the crime is an actor. The courts of the day shake their head and say “Nay, for he is a professional liar and we can’t be cer…

willhelp.me

all those suffering due to the inculcation of mass ignorance that defines the current paradigm because your greatest ally is within, as is your true opponent. Most never question, never venture and thus don’t know the difference as they hop from the light to dim then back again in a curious strobe effect without questioning the narrative that usually says “You are useless” “You need more shiny things” “If you’re really nice to everyone they’ll think you’re that within”.
These words are actually based in the energetic imprints of your parents as a kid, both what they said and what they felt because a child’s sensory world is exquisitely rich and detailed before the intrusion of the System that is swift to kick them down a notch or ten as the training process begins via the educational tricks which are designed to bore you into submission and reward your repletion of whatever they wish to inflict as the current narrative. reality? Hah, it doesn’t come anywhere into this because strength is ignorance and slavery is freedom. Especially when the chains are jingling within and people are scared of their inner realm.

Know Thy Self

There is only one question worth asking in this world and its the one that holds the answers to all that you seek. Who am I? A simple question but like so many other natural things it’s been obscur…

willhelp.me

It takes a lot of self honesty to walk upon this Path when delusion is the lingua franca, defacto coin of the realm. So take a moment and ask yourself how much do you have invested in this limited concept of yourself and then step back and ask why do you believe these things? Do they help? Do they limit? Do they allow you to live as you wish to live or is there a nagging emptiness below the neck that nothing ever truly seems to fill even though you try your best to keep it hidden?

Do Something Nice for Yourself

Go ahead, you deserve it. Treat yourself to something nice, relaxing, a better feeling. Something you’ve been craving. Think of it like this: If you don’t, who will? No one is the answe…

willhelp.me

See, we seek happiness in others and forget it originates in Self, ergo the treat signals a sense of care many can’t bestow upon themselves. Thats like two empty cups meeting and both saying “Got a sip?”. You know no one is getting satisfied in that predicament. The psychology behind self-nurture is that first and foremost it acknowledges the awesomeness of your presence and treats it accordingly. Second it gives you a lift which raises the citizenships that float in your drift aka your family and friends by changing how you interact with them. Third, it allows you to release a wonderful set of endorphins generated by something other than notifications telling you you’re liked. Instead, like yourself. Prove it with your actions versus trying to live an image.

 

[Afro]

How did I not see this when it was posted??



I deal with this, and my girl’s mother is the same way, so she deals with it as well. It’s the reason we’ve been having problems, and I’ve been depressed for a couple of weeks.

She refuses to speak up, or say anything to her mother, despite this woman insisting on having her way all the time, not respecting boundaries, and basically being a grown ass “mean girl”. I don’t know if I want to deal with that woman for the rest of my life in addition to my own mother.

I made it with you in mind too

My last ex, her mother convinced her to not take the SATs because she would be going to a community college and had her whole career mapped out.

Here I come in, convinced her that she can get a better job. I redid her resume, coached her on interviews and she got the job she actually wanted after college, but was too nervous to apply for. She was gonna wait five years like her mom told her too


Days after she got the new job, she wanted to break up, but wanted me to do it. Her reasons were "I think I'm always right".

That was her moms talking, not her


You ain't suffering alone breh, this shyt is way too damn common. Therapy has been my only respite.
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

 

[Afro]

Breh, I’ve BEEN identified the problem, and have been researching, and trying to find psychiatrists for a couple years now.

Look for therapists who specialize in CPTSD, if not you will be wasting your time.

I've been to see about eight Therapists and three Psychiatrists, found the right one this time because I narrowed it down to this (very very big and heavy) issue.

I feel like I can begin to have a life for the first time.

My dad is still the same ass he has always been (even spoke slick about my now dead mother).
I just keep him at a distance.

 

[Thegospel]

More depressed coli dudes. Interesting

 

[Afro]

It’s like a lifetime of being gaslit. And you repeat the cycles in relationships because you’re drawn to people who are trapped in the same cycle. This is why healthy people run away when they sense it, because they know how damaged you are, but you can’t see it. It’s like being born surrounded by funhouse mirrors. You grow up with a distorted sense of reality and emotions because your parent put you in the box (funhouse) from birth.

Healthy people made me nervous because I knew we could never connect on an emotional level. It would be impossible because I have no experience with healthy relationships.

Disorganized Attachment In Adults: 9 Signs + How To Heal | mindbodygreen

What is disorganized attachment?​

Disorganized attachment is the most extreme insecure attachment style, therapist Chamin Ajjan, M.S., LCSW, A-CBT, tells mbg. People with a disorganized attachment style have a strong desire for intimate connections but also put up walls to protect themselves from getting hurt. This attachment style is characterized by fear, mistrust, and inner conflict.
"It is displayed in adults through poor coping skills, a lack of coping strategies, erratic behavior, and difficulty dealing with issues in relationships and in real-life problems," Ajjan says. "Those with disorganized attachment can be unpredictable and volatile in relationships."
The term "disorganized attachment" is typically used to describe the attachment style in children; it's also known as fearful-avoidant attachment in adults. Disorganized or fearful-avoidant attachment is a combination of the anxious attachment style and avoidant attachment style, wherein a person has both high anxiety and high avoidance in relationships.

Signs of disorganized attachment:​

1. Chaotic, unpredictable, or intense relationship patterns and behaviors
2. Extreme fear of rejection, coupled with difficulty connecting to and trusting others
3. Extreme need for closeness, coupled with the tendency to avoid closeness and push others away
4. Aggressive behavior toward caregivers or partners
5. Fear of caregivers or partners
6. Negative self-image and low self-worth
7. Deep-rooted shame
8. Depression and/or anxiety
9. Feeling unlovable, inadequate, or unworthy

Disorganized attachment versus avoidant attachment.​

Disorganized attachment involves both high anxiety and high avoidance; it's essentially a blend of both the avoidant attachment style and the anxious attachment style.
"The difference between disorganized attachment and avoidant attachment is that the latter style evades intimacy and dismisses it," says licensed clinical psychologist Ayanna Abrams, Psy.D. "They don't reach for others and don't receive when people reach in toward them."
People with disorganized attachment, on the other hand, crave connection and seek out relationships. Once they have a relationship, however, they tend to reject or push away the other person out of fear.

 

[Afro]

It sucks because you basically have to turn a little cold. The great thing is you found love while dealing with this, and you and your lady can help each other get through this! As the poster mentioned above, you were drawn to each other because of your similar trauma.
Kind of eerie when you think about it.