THis reminds me of an old thread we had on SOHH called "The nine main types of p*ssy"
Pardon some of the missing letters. I had to copy and paste it from on old doc where i had saved it to email to someone and characters got messed up. I'll correct it the best i can
1. SHORTCHANGED p*ssy - When the woman is extremely sexy and beautiful. She moves the right way and oozes sensuality. When it comes to sex, she has no clue. The very thought of stroking this p*ssy can make you cum before its time. She talks a good game but cannot walk the talk. Kissing her is like matching a cartoon. When she tries to guide your dikk into her p*ssy, she cuts it with her nails. By the time you get another boner, her p*ssy is dry and feels like sandpaper. By the time you get in, you find out that your dikk is too big for her short p*ssy. When you go to lick the p*ssy you find out that it is a little tart and now you start thinking to yourself,,"how can such a fine woman be so feeble? Undaunted, you decide that you're going to make the best of a bad situation and get your rocks off when she says, "don't cum in me because I'm not taking anything."
2. SWEET LIPS - This is substitute p*ssy. She sucks major dikk. She sucks it so good that your knees buckle. It was good enough to make you look for something to hold onto. She can suck the chrome off of A car's bumper. Then she slips your dikk into her p*ssy and you realize that her mouth was much better. You try to maneuver your dikk back to her mouth any way you can. This time you find something to hold onto... her head, because you now know that her p*ssy is really a kitten and not yet ready for prime time.
3. YES M'AM p*ssy - This is the kind of p*ssy your mother warned you about. This p*ssy is often misjudged because of the owner's meek mannerisms. she is quiet, reserved, caters to your every whim and shows no inkling of the treasure that lies between her thighs. She seems to be a scholarly type but not quite prudish. You think to yourself "I'm gonna tear this p*ssy up." only to find that she was only playing possum, you were so caught off guard that your whole fukk plan needed instant revision, she was your equal having as much game as you were. You must give her, her propers realizing that you came within a bat's eyelash of having your brains fukked out. Gentleman, be wary of this p*ssy and be prepared. Your best defense is a good offense and a long stiff thick dikk with staying power.
4. THUNDER THIGHS (THE p*ssy YOU'RE GETTING FROM SOMEONE WHO IS NOT YOUR WOMAN) - Men who have cheated on their woman temporarily can say, "AMEN" to this class of p*ssy. Men, this is the class of p*ssy that make you cry and confess to your woman you fukked someone else. The Thunder Thighs p*ssy made you want to tell somebody. Thunder Thighs p*ssy is in a class of it's own. Thunder Thighs p*ssy will make you look and feel different about the p*ssy you got at home. Thunder Thighs p*ssy makes you bust several nuts (i.e.multiple orgasms). Makes you cry and you have no clue to why. This p*ssy is so intense, when it is wrapped around your dikk or your face it sends you into a trance. She has a smooth, undulating motion, constantly asks you if your comfortable, you started at 6PM and it is now going on 9PM and she is not tired and her p*ssy isn't sloppy yet. She sucks on your dikk as if she was a baby sucking on a pacifier; she savors it like you're the main course Meal. She sensuously flicks the head of your dikk with her tongue like a lollipop. By now you're in shock and forget about your woman. When you're back with your woman, you're wondering why she can't perform like Thunder Thighs p*ssy. You even have the nerve to get mad and then instruct her to do what Thunder Thighs did to you.
5. THE STALKER - This is the p*ssy that pisses you off the most. You see the woman you boned for a fling or as a favor keeps coming back like a bad mold. If she has a bad day at work, she "stalks your dikk." If she has a bad meal, "she stalks your dikk." If she has a bad hair day, she "stalks your dikk." If he sees an ex, she "stalks your dikk." No matter what, she "stalks your dikk." It is easy to tell if the woman you're with falls into this category. She always uses phrases like these when she is fukking you: "DON'T RUN FROM. THIS p*ssy." "AIN'T THIS SOME SWEET p*ssy?" "TELL ME YOU LIKE THIS p*ssy." or "WHAT IS MY NAME?" "WHO'S dikk IS THIS?" "TALK TO ME DADDY, I DON'T HEAR YOU TALKING shyt NOW," and finally, "YOU LIKE WHEN YOU IN THIS p*ssy AND WHIPPIN' IT!"
6. TUNA p*ssy - This is the p*ssy that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. You can recognize it easily because she may have cats swarming around her or everybody at the local pub knows her name. When you walk into a room, you know she is there or was there. This is dangerous p*ssy. The problem is that the babe is fine and you haven't had any p*ssy in a long while. The dog in you wants some p*ssy. You know that this p*ssy is experienced and could put a hurt on you in more ways than one. This is the p*ssy you don't want anyone to know you sampled. You DON'T EAT his p*ssy. After you sample this p*ssy, you immediately take a shower or at the very least scrub your dikk in the sink with some disinfectant.
7. WATERING HOLE p*ssy - This is good convenient p*ssy. Easy p*ssy, p*ssy you can call when your body needs a fix. She gives you major head like SWEET LIPS p*ssy, and fukks you like THUNDER THIGHS p*ssy. Only thing is you do not have a woman so you're not feeling guilty. Whenever you call, this p*ssy is ready. her p*ssy craves your dikk. This p*ssy is available in any place at anytime.
8. GODDAMN p*ssy - Men, now this is p*ssy that will definitely send you to hell if you're not married to it. This p*ssy is just like YES M'AM and THUNDER THIGHS p*ssy. Her p*ssy is snug - not too tight- and juicy. She can accommodate larger than average size dikk. She has good control of her p*ssy muscles that can make any size dikk feel like at home. This p*ssy makes you numb, cry and even pray all at the same time. While you are giving it to her doggy style or with you laying down and she sits on top of you, you look towards the heavens and say, GOD DAMN THIS IS SOME GOOD p*ssy!!"
9. AMAZON p*ssy - Gentlemen, this is the gold mine p*ssy. This p*ssy is the p*ssy that you commit yourself too. You do not cheat on it and you keep it a well kept secret. In fact, you constantly crave and feign for this p*ssy. When you get inside this p*ssy, you go through convulsions. This is the p*ssy that makes you READY even when you aren't. You call in sick from work for this p*ssy. This p*ssy is so major it is YES M'AM p*ssy, WATERING HOLE p*ssy, THUNDER THIGHS p*ssy and GODDAMN p*ssy all in one. This is the p*ssy that you want to put insurance on, just in case anything should happen to it. This p*ssy makes you stutter while speaking and has you nervous for no reason!!!!!!!!
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