How do people go through their first heartbreak in their 30s or later and not commit that?

[OnlyOneBoss]

As a teen and in your 20s you probably don’t have shyt and didn’t build much with them so they can be put in your history easier IMO




But… I don’t see how you can be with someone from like 18-35 and your first real heartbreak is a divorce from that that has to be absolutely life shattering. Like fr you gotta have some kind of identity crisis after that.

 

[Mastamimd]

Maybe because life is worth living or some shyt, Idk

 

[Vandelay]

I'd say you'd be more likely to commit that at a younger age, because you ain't got shyt but that relationship and a lack of understanding about how the world is until you get older.

 

[Ciggavelli]

I’ve thought about the question, “is it better to have loved and lost, or to never experience love at all?”

It’s better to have never been in love, because once you experience that, you know what you’ve lost and can’t get it back. It’s a nightmare knowing what you could have but don’t.

If you never fell in love, you wouldn’t know any better.

And no, I didn’t experience my first breakup in my 30s. I have just been thinking about the question philosophically

 

[froggle]

That heartbreak in the early 20's built so much character,

but it prepared me to not give a damn bout women....

 

[O.T.I.S.]

Yall act like after 30 there is nothing left


Some of yall gonna be miserable once 30 hits.


And newsflash, life is gonna be full of heartaches at any age

 

[Koli_Kat]

Yall act like after 30 there is nothing left


Some of yall gonna be miserable once 30 hits.


And newsflash, life is gonna be full of heartaches at any age

nikkas act like turning 30 is a death sentence

 

[Knowledge]

There are like 7.5 BILLION people on this rock. Imagine offing yourself over just 1.....

 

[Scustin Bieburr]

I’ve thought about the question, “is it better to have loved and lost, or to never experience love at all?”

It’s better to have never been in love, because once you experience that, you know what you’ve lost and can’t get it back. It’s a nightmare knowing what you could have but don’t.

If you never feel in love, you wouldn’t know any better.

And no, I didn’t experience my first breakup in my 30s. I have just been thinking about the question philosophically

I disagree. Our entire culture is built on male female relationships. Its in our music, its in our movies, its in our books and if you walk down the street you will overhear people talking about their relationships and dating prospects.

For men, the pain often comes from trying everything they're told will get them the love that they see everywhere. They feign confidence, dress and groom as directed, learn conversational tricks, lower their standards and it all leads nowhere. The pain comes from failed efforts+the constant reminders that they're failures when they see others getting what they desire and have been told they should want with ease. Thats where the anger, bitterness, hurt and resentment come from.

If we lived in a world where men and women can be shown commonly in art relating to other adults as genuine friends and team mates with a more family focused than sexually based image of love, id agree with you. We don't live in that context sadly, we live in the context of: if you havent smashed at least 10 different people in your teenage and college years, you're not normal.

That feeling of not being normal eats away at men and women(lets be honest more so at men) until they become desperate and either fall for bullshyt(pick up artistry) turn their frustration depression and rage inwards(black pill incelism) or they give up entirely or kill themselves because being denied something that everyone is apparently supposed to have is too much to bear.

 

[Neo. The Only. The One.]

It's rough, man. It's rough.

 

[Wise]

Never been in love nor had heartbreak but I told myself a man should have it in high school around 14-16 just so he can be cold and know how women are from there on

 

[Kiyoshi-Dono]

It’s only a select few that have been through a divorce on this site
If I didn’t suffer those heartbreaks @20
I definitely would have been assed out after my divorce @35
If I never experienced those three treacherous bytches in my youth
nikkas don’t get having to rebuild yourself all over again
Leaving your first home you purchased and going back to a one bedroom apartment
Going through paperwork(even if the breakup is amicable)and dividing assets
Going through the court to decide custody
Having to sell certain property to not only pay for lawyer fees for yourself
But your ex as well
Not being able to eat or sleep because of feeling like a failure in life
All your true homies in another state
So your support system can’t really be there for you like that
I felt sorry for myself for 2 weeks and after that I bounced back
Now imagine going into your first serious, committed relationship at 25 and kicking that reality game check at 35
That’s why men go nuts because the game ain’t kind to us
Seeing a woman you gave 100 percent a fukk about
Not only get everything but also knows she was the cause of the fracture to begin with but you got to suck it up because you have a little one to take care of
A lot of y’all nikkas are either too young
Lie through your two front teeth to look like real nikkas in front of invisible avatars on an Internet forum
Straight up have no experience dealing with women
And still live in this idealistic bubble of all bytches are sugar and spice
Or just contrarians for the sake of getting your trolling rocks off
I hope none of you go through that shyt in your later years
Because you will become a straight killer
And even though y’all claim GMB
You better know if your state is common law
Gump nikkas think you can just up and move
Nah nikka
If you got a bytch up in your crib between 3-5 years
She entitled to some of that shyt pimpin
Get back to me if I’m still alive to kick that naive rah-rah shyt
You kickin in this thread

 

[Ciggavelli]

I disagree. Our entire culture is built on male female relationships. Its in our music, its in our movies, its in our books and if you walk down the street you will overhear people talking about their relationships and dating prospects.

For men, the pain often comes from trying everything they're told will get them the love that they see everywhere. They feign confidence, dress and groom as directed, learn conversational tricks, lower their standards and it all leads nowhere. The pain comes from failed efforts+the constant reminders that they're failures when they see others getting what they desire and have been told they should want with ease. Thats where the anger, bitterness, hurt and resentment come from.

If we lived in a world where men and women can be shown commonly in art relating to other adults as genuine friends and team mates with a more family focused than sexually based image of love, id agree with you. We don't live in that context sadly, we live in the context of: if you havent smashed at least 10 different people in your teenage and college years, you're not normal.

That feeling of not being normal eats away at men and women(lets be honest more so at men) until they become desperate and either fall for bullshyt(pick up artistry) turn their frustration depression and rage inwards(black pill incelism) or they give up entirely or kill themselves because being denied something that everyone is apparently supposed to have is too much to bear.

I mean, I kinda agree, in that the only point of living is to reproduce.

I’m in a strange place personally, as I’m on heavy psych meds, which kills my sex drive. But, at times I feel like I might be missing out, purely based on societal expectations. Like, if I don’t look for another girlfriend now (since it’s been several years) am I missing my chance?

So, yeah, I hear what you’re saying

 

[1LurkerChick9]

I’ve thought about the question, “is it better to have loved and lost, or to never experience love at all?”

It’s better to have never been in love, because once you experience that, you know what you’ve lost and can’t get it back. It’s a nightmare knowing what you could have but don’t.

If you never fell in love, you wouldn’t know any better.

And no, I didn’t experience my first breakup in my 30s. I have just been thinking about the question philosophically

Hands down, it’s better to love and have been loved.

Suffering prepares us for happiness.
I sometimes wish I could take those other experiences away, but as one of my favorite teachers says “thinking we should be able to have a life without any suffering is as deluded as thinking we should be able to have a left side without a right side. Happiness and suffering are not separate.”
It sounds complex,but think about it. We know happiness because we know suffering. You can’t have one without the other.

Also, who says you can’t have Love again?Love doesn’t stop being available to us just because things ended with one particular person. But If we cling to that particular experience,we have no freedom to find it again. I’m in a wonderful ,fulfilling relationship now and have to give some credit to those past experiences. Would I be as happy if I hadn’t experienced that pain? Would I take this for granted? It’s something to think about.



**To answer the actual thread question, I think this is where having a strong support system would come into play. With time,you’d probably be okay.

 

[Swahili P'Bitek]

I grew up around older brothers and cousins who were straight players and changed girls like clothes, seeing them do this made me understand something about not only female nature, but relationships and "love" as a whole. So I can't imagine myself getting heartbroken with my mindset already. I can't even get into a relationship because of love or emotions, but how useful somebody is to me. Once somebody finds me of no more use, the same is reciprocated and I move on. It's not like they are my blood relative.