My mothers been in the hospital for the last two weeks. She hasnt been telling me anything so yesterday when I seen her doctor I ran to talk with him and he looked me dead in the face with no emotion and told me what they found is not good and based off what they know she has 3-4 months to live. My mothers been acting all normal like everything is cool. I confronted her about the information I was presented with and she just got quiet.
I dont really know where to go from here. I cant talk to family as my mother has always been a secretive person and asked me not to tell anyone,of course I told her siblings. But her are siblings so caught up in their own lives its like they dont care. Im being forced to deal with this alone.
My whole question is what do you do if you find out your main parent who raised you is about to die? For people that have lost a parent what are some things you wished you would have said to them?
Here's my professional advice (what I get paid to do) and my personal advice, what I'd do in your shoes (which it's too late for me).
Write a letter put everything you've got into it. But it's a letter, not an Oprah interview, so you speak to her, don't write questions then ask her to respond. You can ask rhetorical questions but mainly get everything out. Thanks, lingering issues or problems, your hopes, dreams, aspirations and regrets.
It's basically
empty chair therapy, yet she'll be there. And if you give it your all, when she goes (as we all will), you won't have any
unresolved grief.
Some people's letter take 1-3 minutes, some people have 10 minute letters. You don't write it and give it to her. You sit next to her and read it aloud. It's powerfully emotional. You'll cry.
I've seen a man read a letter to his pops that took 3 minutes he basically said "fukk you, I hate you" but with more words. He explained why but it wasn't a long ass letter but it was what he needed to get out.
Then I've seen someone read a 15 minute letter to someone who passed and it was like 8 pages and they sobbed through it.
Unresolved grief is essentially emotional cancer. You say your mom is secretive. You don't want to end up like her with your wife and kids like "dad doesn't talk about this...or that" or needing your quiet time, time alone, needing to get away for a minute.
After you've said everything you need to say, whether good or bad, if your mom want to talk about it, talk, if not then that's what it is but youve got everything off your chest. You don't want to be 5 years down the road like "I never told my mom......" "I wish mama knew that...." "I wish mama told me...."
For everybody, you don't have to wait until death to do this, do it on your parents,wife's or kids birthday or Thanksgiving, mothers/fathers day, hell even just for the fukk of it. It generally strengthens any relationship.
It's extremely hard though, extremely hard. I'm not joking when I say it might be easier to kill someone (a stranger) then literally pour everything out and clear the air aka give someone their flowers while they can still smell them. It's emotionally taxing. I had to take time off after the first and second time I did it. I learned a lot about myself.
You can do it once every 1,3 years,5 years...whenever. It's about building relationships, honesty, openess and communication.
It's hard though, for me it hasn't gotten easier. I definitely have some shyt I gotta get off my chest to my brothers, my sister, my pops, my girl....I'm keeping it 1000 when I say I'm scared shytless. I'm not ready, even though nobody is dying. In my own way I feel I'm getting by or its easier to hold on to my shyt and bottle it up. Im strong in that I can hold my shyt together effortlessly, keep a mask on, push through my daily, weekly monthly rigors of life with no struggles or breakdowns, lapses but the reality is I'm a punk, I'm scared, it's easier for me to hold on to the hurt, the pain, and everything else and just get by. But that's not the way. Even though I'm doing wrong I dont professionally or personally advocate for others to do the same.
but it’s reality and you want to do everything you can to make sure that if/when she transitions over that you are doing what she would have wanted 
