How often do you and your lady get into it?

[rabbid]

 

[Ohene]

Every now and then but not a lot and it's also 90% of the time over some DUMBASS shyt. Like real dumb. Like one time we got into it over the weather. I really questioned our relationship that day because that was beyond unnecessary.

the common theme here is that most arguments be over dumbass shyt

in my opinion thats a testament to the fact the arguments usually aint even about the partner but instead some other shyt that is going on in the lives of both ppl involved, that can lead to tempers flaring.

like i said in my above post, muhhfukkas simply be stressed, tired, irritated and shyt from the things life in general throw at us. It is important to understand that and give each other lee way at times rather than to always expect each other to be on point

 

[Commish]

it's definitely a choice. I am a very peaceful, mostly compromising person

my girl is very defensive and temperamental though. always giving negative body language or being passive aggressive over needless shyt. I have had to teach this chick a lot about conflict resolution. at times it felt like dealing with a child.

she's finally realizing among other things that if push comes to shove, I will drop her ass and render her moving to my country a waste of time. so she's finally fixing up and adapting to our situation.

I appreciate your response. Man, you don't have to put up with nonsense nor should you!

Seems like your lady has some growing up to do, but she has to do the work herself. You can help guide her and let her know your boundaries, but it will be up to her to make the necessary adjustments to keep y'all relationship going...

I guess for my situation, what helps us is that we both want the same relationship outcome, but aside from that, we mostly joke around, I lightweight roast/tease her and it makes her laugh plus she has a bubbly personality, so she don't sweat the small stuff.

She laughs a lot which means that she has a down to earth and kind and nurturing spirit not to mention we understand that life is hard enough and we both work, own homes and got bills. So, we try to make each other's lives as easy as possible.

I hope for you that you will never be afraid to walk away from someone if it came to it. Nobody should have the power to control your peace and happiness.

Best wishes to ya! Salute!

 

[thaKEAF]

We are good for maybe one a quarter lol normally over some stupid shyt that could’ve been avoided

 

[F*ckthemkids]

Few times a month

 

[WhatsGoodTy]

We usually be good but when we fight we FIGHT.

 

[RaspberryFitted]

Sure.

The way I see it, the two biggest things that disrupt relationships are ego and expectations. The former causes us to get mad about things that have happened, and the latter causes us to get mad about things that didnt happen.

Most of the expectations we impose on our partners are meaningless and arbitrary though. We develop them based on what we see on TV, hear from other people etc. but never stop to think whether or not it adds value or if there's a point to it. Furthermore, a lot of the time, if we just notified our partners in a healthy, un-hostile way of what we actually wanted or expected, they would be happy as hell to do it or adjust. For that reason, it is not healthy to expect things, but to simply communicate them. I told my girl at one point she needs to get rid of that word "should" from her vocabulary when she talks to me. I aint a mind reader and I have enough shyt to worry about rather than trying to read her mind. When it comes to ego, it causes us to get mad or defensive about things that are not offensive and at times are 100% innocent. It takes the attention away from what was said/done, and brings it onto the intent.

Overall, to quell both one's ego and expectations, one has to take a step back , empathize and realize that not everything is about them. The same things you may expect your partner to do, his or her ex may not have expected or liked. Or maybe she/he wasnt raised in an environment that nurtured/praised that kind of behavior. The same things you got mad at your partner for doing, an ex or family member might have liked or praised in the past. Give them the time to learn about you specifically and adjust rather than always getting slighted or defensive.

Picking battles is important because at the end of the day youre never going to find somebody who is perfect for you and just 100% undersetands you. We as human beings are too complex and life is too stressful. We go through many different ranges of moods, thoughts and behaviors as a result. So even if your partner does get you, there will be times they just dont have the energy, mood or sense to act correctly, and you need to give them leeway for that. They are human. If you bring up everything you have an issue with, the other person will eventually feel like you are insatiable and give up on trying to please you. I have a perfect analogy for this but dont want the post to be too long (it already is)

The only way to do that is to reframe the things they say and do, so as to not take it personally and to keep the peace. Failure to do so can lead to nitpicking (the opposite of picking battles) , which will lead to tons of arguments, misunderstandings and miscommunications. It relates back to the underlined text above too.

Think; you are with a partner who I hope wants to be happy and wants you to be happy. So why would they do or say some shyt that they know is going to hurt you, start an argument, and thereby piss them off/stress them out as well??? Its common sense. There are likely good or innocent reasons behind the shyt they do.

I appreciate the time you took to type this up bruh.

Taking the information you’ve given me, I can see battles that my significant other and myself have picked that weren’t worth it. That reframing point is crucial as well. I’ve blown up good situations over taking things personal, having my ego bruised, and not understanding the context. My impatience has also been a determent to my “successes”.

“combining this info with understanding with you want in a relationship before hand is an amazing tool I will apply to my romantic life.

Big ups broski. Consistently solid poster with gems I use on a day-to-day

 

[Ohene]

I appreciate the time you took to type this up bruh.

Taking the information you’ve given me, I can see battles that my significant other and myself have picked that weren’t worth it. That reframing point is crucial as well. I’ve blown up good situations over taking things personal, having my ego bruised, and not understanding the context. My impatience has also been a determent to my “successes”.

“combining this info with understanding with you want in a relationship before hand is an amazing tool I will apply to my romantic life.

Big ups broski. Consistently solid poster with gems I use on a day-to-day

appreciate the kind words.

there are a lot of things i have learned from my own experiences and that of others (including posters here). would be a waste not to pass it on

unfortunately this current generation has a very entitled, know it all attitude. if instant gratification isnt give and sustained, they move on

 

[Diondon]

Every few weeks some shyt she makes up in her mind or overthinks about

 

[Commish]

I don’t think you could ever get into it with anybody @Commish

Your communication skills and EQ are next level…

I appreciate it, but I can get into it like everyone else. I am not above the program.

But, I just happen to finally meet someone who wanna work with me. It took me 20+ years of drama & bs to finally get someone who sees the big picture.

But, aside from that, I have matured & understand the importance of picking & choosing battles wisely. Can't always react impulsively on iish, especially if the consequences are costly.

 

[High Art]

Not very often. We're generally on the same page and I learned, and my girl has as well, ask what is the true issue behind the disagreement when one occurs. A lot of times, when someone is mad about something trivial, there's really a deeper issue at hand that both her and I end up feeling better about if we get a chance to talk about it. I learned earlier on importance of being mindful of consequences so that plays a part too.

 

[EffYou]

Not very often. We're generally on the same page and I learned, and my girl has as well, ask what is the true issue behind the disagreement when one occurs. A lot of times, when someone is mad about something trivial, there's really a deeper issue at hand that both her and I end up feeling better about if we get a chance to talk about it. I learned earlier on importance of being mindful of consequences so that plays a part too.

How long y’all been together and do you live together?

 

[High Art]

How long y’all been together and do you live together?

We've been together a few years. We started living together recently.

 

[International Playa]

Been w/ my lady for a lil over a year. Not one argument! Was there a minor disagreement within that year? Yes, but very minor and was quickly resolved which may have occurred early in the relationship.

I never been in that situation in my entire life! It's almost surreal but I like it!

I guess we both want peace since the both of us grew tired of having drama in our past relationships.

So, goes to show that people can effectively communicate w/o disrespecting each other if they want. It is a choice!

How old are yall?

 

[Commish]

How old are yall?

Me 51 her 49..