OfTheCross
Veteran
How to Deal With Coworkers Who Complain A Lot
Complaining can be important in the workplace, but it can also be too much. Here's how to deal with coworkers who complain about everything.
www.lifehack.org
1. Give the Complainer Context
Instead of pointing out only the positive things in the situation and trying to override the complainer’s negativity—which, as written above, can cause the opposite effect—try giving them the context, resonating the situation they complain about with macro factors that caused it to happen.For example, if a coworker is complaining about the lack of social bonds in the team due to the working from home situation, reminding them of the Covid-19 pandemic that caused this situation and its broader effects on society can help them understand that we are all in the same boat.
Empathizing with your coworker while mirroring the macro factors that caused this situation can open them up to empathize with you and figure out solutions on their own.
2. Find Easy and Manageable Solutions
Ignoring the problem and going with the “you are overreacting, this is not that big deal” approach can also lead to frustration from the complainer and make them feel like there is no one that understands them. Pro’s tip: it’s also not helpful in romantic relationships.Finding easy solutions to their problems can provide them with the tools they need to overcome this kind of problem in the future and strengthen the relationship and trust between the two of you.
Disclaimer: pay attention not to give the solution but to ask the right questions to help the complainer find the answer by themselves.
Once the solution is found, make sure that they also reflect on the process that they’ve just gone through so they can use this tool again next time.
3. Set Boundaries
Being supportive of coworkers can help build stronger relationships and increase trust among team members. However, it can also take its toll on the supporting team member.A complaining coworker can become a time thief, spending too much of your time on their complaints. They also come with psychological and emotional costs, as I have mentioned above.[3]
That is why setting clear boundaries is crucial when dealing with a coworker who complains a lot.
Examples of setting limits can be expressing a willingness to listen to their complaints but not talk, or listening and talking but not engaging in the complaints yourself.
You can also say that you are willing to participate in a complaints conversation about each topic once, as complaining about the same thing repeatedly isn’t doing any good to anyone.
4. Call Out the Behavior of Your Coworker
If you have a close relationship with the complaining coworker, consider calling out their behavior and its effect on the surroundings.Tell them that while recognizing that they experience bad feelings, it’s hard for you and the rest of the team to always be in that negative environment. You can also offer them your help with one of the methods listed above or others that you know of.
Be prepared with examples of their behavior’s effects on team members, but never reveal other team members’ feelings without their consent since it can cause an even worse work environment for the team and a lack of trust among team members.
You can say that you prefer not to disclose who expressed their feelings to you, but you feel responsible for bringing them in front of the complainer because you care about them.
If the relationship with this person is important to you, be sensitive when calling out their behavior. But it is best that you do it as soon as possible.
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