How would you want your BF / SO to address this?

Reality

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Aight so I’ve been dating this girl for a little over two years now that I’m trying to wife. Read the bolder for the short version.

She’s gorgeous. Smart. Communication is great. Great cook. Career minded and better yet goal minded. Pulling in $85K. Wants kids, is family minded, and is submissive without being passive or a pushover in the relationship. My friends and parents love her.

All the boxes are checked except for intimacy. In quantity and quality it’s not in a place where I’d be happy long term. Physical touch is my #1 love language and that cup is not full.

It came to a head yesterday when I had a dream about having sex with an ex that I’m not in contact with anymore...don’t follow on social, any of that. Reading up on why this can happen, consensus is it’s your subconscious telegraphing an unmet need.

I’ve talked about my difficulties in our sex life with her in like 2 pointed conversations. My GF did mention that her hormonal birth control has impacted her libido, so she recently switched to an IUD (1 month in). She also mentioned just getting in her head about sex generally and not feeling confident with how she looks.

On occasion when drunk she’s also mentioned wishing she had bigger boobs / getting implants when older, but I haven’t pressed that convo when we’re both sober. I’m a boob guy and would gladly cop implants for her, but I’m not bringing that up til she does sober.

Overall though, the sex is just mad mechanical and I feel she doesn’t really know how to be seductive. I’ve asked her to initiate more, and it’s clumsy and clunky when it happens. You can tell she’s in her head.

I’m big on foreplay and building sexual tension throughout the day, but I don’t think she knows what that looks like for herself. I’ve been self-critical, but honestly, she’s gotten way more patience and effort on fore play and tension building than past relationships where the actual sex ended up better.

I don’t want to be overly instructive or destroy her confidence, but I also want to improve things. She’s in her late 20s so I feel a little offput trying to teach her how to be more seductive / sexy in how she moves, and I feel it could also drive resentment.

Ladies, how would you want your BF to address the sexual disconnect? There are things women did from past relationships that worked for me, but i don’t think having a list of things for her to do will improve the mechanical nature of things.

The other thing I’m thinking is just generally asking her to tap into her feminity and sexuality, with the specific suggestion of doing something like a belly dancing or pole dancing class to get more comfortable with that side of herself.

What do you think?
 
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Reality

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Lol…too dead in here. shyts improved a lil bit but it’s still like the urge isn’t there for her unless I create it.

Don’t know how to talk to her about what I’m used to without going into detail on what exes and jumpoffs used to do to get it poppin and keep it interesting.
 

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Aight so I’ve been dating this girl for a little over two years now that I’m trying to wife. Read the bolder for the short version.

She’s gorgeous. Smart. Communication is great. Great cook. Career minded and better yet goal minded. Pulling in $85K. Wants kids, is family minded, and is submissive without being passive or a pushover in the relationship. My friends and parents love her.

All the boxes are checked except for intimacy. In quantity and quality it’s not in a place where I’d be happy long term. Physical touch is my #1 love language and that cup is not full.

It came to a head yesterday when I had a dream about having sex with an ex that I’m not in contact with anymore...don’t follow on social, any of that. Reading up on why this can happen, consensus is it’s your subconscious telegraphing an unmet need.

I’ve talked about my difficulties in our sex life with her in like 2 pointed conversations. My GF did mention that her hormonal birth control has impacted her libido, so she recently switched to an IUD (1 month in). She also mentioned just getting in her head about sex generally and not feeling confident with how she looks.

On occasion when drunk she’s also mentioned wishing she had bigger boobs / getting implants when older, but I haven’t pressed that convo when we’re both sober. I’m a boob guy and would gladly cop implants for her, but I’m not bringing that up til she does sober.

Overall though, the sex is just mad mechanical and I feel she doesn’t really know how to be seductive. I’ve asked her to initiate more, and it’s clumsy and clunky when it happens. You can tell she’s in her head.

I’m big on foreplay and building sexual tension throughout the day, but I don’t think she knows what that looks like for herself. I’ve been self-critical, but honestly, she’s gotten way more patience and effort on fore play and tension building than past relationships where the actual sex ended up better.

I don’t want to be overly instructive or destroy her confidence, but I also want to improve things. She’s in her late 20s so I feel a little offput trying to teach her how to be more seductive / sexy in how she moves, and I feel it could also drive resentment.

Ladies, how would you want your BF to address the sexual disconnect? There are things women did from past relationships that worked for me, but i don’t think having a list of things for her to do will improve the mechanical nature of things.

The other thing I’m thinking is just generally asking her to tap into her feminity and sexuality, with the specific suggestion of doing something like a belly dancing or pole dancing class to get more comfortable with that side of herself.

What do you think?
It sounds like a her problem, she is insecure. I would suggest speaking with a therapist, also maybe she should get a personal trainer and maybe try over complimenting her body to make her feel better. But really it sounds like a her problem that she needs to work out with a therapist

Also, you should’ve just said sex it that’s what you meant bc sex and intimacy are two different things, you can be intimate without sex. And have sex without intimacy.
 

Giselle

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Lol…too dead in here. shyts improved a lil bit but it’s still like the urge isn’t there for her unless I create it.

Don’t know how to talk to her about what I’m used to without going into detail on what exes and jumpoffs used to do to get it poppin and keep it interesting.
Maybe she is a lesbian?

You can give her ideas without saying where you got the ideas from.
 

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You are a great writer.


:yeshrug:Anyhoo, bc can zap female libido. So switching to iud is a plus. Also yeah I would want this to be addressed. Depending on her upbringing, they may have associated a lot of shame with sex. She’ll need to overcome those barriers. Also are you dominant? Getting into the bdsm scene might help both of you.:yeshrug:
 
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