As a user of the word niqqa, I don't agree that using it among each other takes the sting out of it.
Had a few cases where CACs drove by and yelled the hard R at me while I was on foot or on a bike. Still gave me the chills. Especially on the bike in traffic. If it was midnight and we were the only ones on the road.. might they "accidentally" run me down?
That word - the venomous version - comes with centuries of terror. There's something in my bones that reacts to it.
Anyone who uses it in the hard R sense (I was mad so I..) seems like a threat.