I just found the goat site..http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/

[MikelArteta]

This will probably be a long post. Its not so much looking for advice, Im looking to vent and share my experience, because its really messed up LOL.

So my wife and I got together pretty young. We where off again and on again dating for about 5 years. Every "off" again was not my choice, she would get restless and want a break. Anyways, we finally get back together, and she convinces me Im all she wants. So we get married. Her 18, me 21. And we have our first child shortly after. Then she cheats on me, multiple times with multiple people. I find out, we fight, Im young and stupid, so I fall for the whole "I love you, but you just are not attentive enough to my needs". So I feel guilty, felt like it was all my fault she did this too me. So we move to another state. Everything is good for a number of years, we have another child. Then she cheats again, with a friend of the family. So instead of taking the blame this time, I get even. I slept with multiple women from work and friends. But of course this didnt help anything, but we end up working through it and staying together.

Everything was going good again for a while, and she goes to visit her mom like she does most summers while I work. Then calls me up, saying she wants a divorce. She found the man she wants to be with, and its not me. Surprise huh? So Ive had it at this point. We file for divorce, and I work on me. I find someone Im interested in, start dating, moving on. Then she dumps her "true love" because its not what she had expected. And we patch things up....again....

Now fast forward to present. I find out she has been cheating on me with an on again/off again affair with what was her "Best friend" who is also married by the way. I have been the most attentive husband, father and provider since the first incident. Ive made it a point. She came clean to me, becuase the guilt was eatting her up. But still wont take 100% responsibility for this one. She still sites times, days I made her feel lonley, and thats why it happen. I know thats BS. I know its not my fault, I realise it never was. She wont go to councling because shes afraid of what they will say to her (her words). She wants to just forget it and move on like we have in the past. But honestly I cannot seem to forgive this one. I look at all the past mistakes, and can almost justify them to an extent... I know it sounds stupid, but I can. This one, I cannot find anything I did wrong at all!

Im at a loss. I cant seem to move forward, and find myself hateing her, and myself. She continues to talk to male friends (Not the one she had an affair with, him and his wife are gone, moved away). But Im upset because she continues to have these male friends she talks too during the day. I wonder who the next one is she will cheat on me with. Instead of being happy she has friends.

 

[Heelish]

 

[AtomicUse]

^that guy is 21 and probably doesn't have a family to reel him in. He is too young for that lifestyle, but there is something wrong with him mentally to subject himself to that treatment. He's either poor, or ugly, or thinks that he is not worth a better woman, likely due to a lot a lot negativity he has experienced from women in his life. They probably teased him or made fun of him. If he had an older brother/strong father/(or even mother), they would have beat his ass and cut that woman off and deaded the whole situation.

I know a dude like that. He "rode the bench" for 7 years while this chick was out getting tossed, now she pulled him off the bench and he's stoked. I don't know how you can watch someone cheat on everyone, lie to everyone, and just be a shytty person and then want them afterwards.

I'm glad this keeps getting bumped, it gives me ammo for when the fossils in the field offices ask me why I'm not settled down yet.

 

[Regular_P]

Be pathetic, brehs.

 

[Couth]

Be paranoid brehs

 

[MikelArteta]

So here is my story. I am 46, my girlfriend is 42. We have been together for about 31/2 years. We have a 2 year old boy together. She has 3 kids from a previous marriage. She and I bought a house together 2 years ago. Within 9 months of having our son (who was in the ICU at the hospital for 30 days), we moved into a house together. Our son was born. I bought two other houses (investment/rental property), fixed them up and rented them out. I had a great job for 13 years, the business was sold, new owner came in and cleaned house (lost my job). Found another good job 4 months later. The business was a mess, so I worked my butt off for a year getting things back on track. While doing all of this for the first year and a half since our son was born, my girlfriend was telling me we need to spend more time together, wanting more of me, etc. The whole time I am doing nothing but working my tail off, and enjoying fatherhood and being a super great dad to our boy. In my mind everything is pretty much ok between us. All I'm doing is working and being a dad. Girlfriend travels a lot (2-4) days a week, almost every week. She is drop dead gorgeous, absolutely beautiful. She keeps asking for more from me, stating that we should get married. I brush her off, because when we started dating, we both made the comment that marriage was over rated and something that neither of us wanted to do again. She keeps hinting about marriage. I blow it off, don't think its necessary. Wind the clock ahead to today. 5 weeks ago I found out she was having an affair. I saw a strange text come across her phone (I do not have access to it) but saw it come across her screen. I confronted her about it. She said it was just someone she had dinner with, and there is nothing more to it. A week after that, she got home from being gone on the road for 3 days. Looked at her phone when she was sleeping and it was OM saying how good she is in bed, etc. My world came crashing down. I confronted her with it. She couldn't really deny anything. I find out its been going on since early September, over two months now. To this day she has never really apologized and I don't think she regrets it. He has bought her 3 pairs of $200+ shoes, a $250 necklace, and a purse.
She says she tried to tell me for over a year and half, and I wasn't there for her. She says she begged and pleaded for me. And she is pretty much right, because all I was doing was working hard and being a good dad, and I kept putting her on the back shelf.

Some history on her. When she was married before, she had an affair with someone in New York for a couple years. When that marriage was ending, she had a few boyfriends in different cities. We met, she ended everything with all other interests (I am certain of this) and things were great with us for the first year (until our son was born and I got super busy). I keep finding a whirlwind of lies. She is still seeing OM. Says she is not going to quit seeing him until she sees a change in me and how I am in regards to her and our relationship. She says...I was dating a couple of guys when we met, and you won out over all of them. She tells me to be my best and see what happens. We started seeing a counselor two weeks ago. Thru all of this, I want to find a way to reconcile our relationship. I do love her a lot. I do not see how it is possible for our relationship to get back to where we need to, with a third party involved, there is just no way. I am not certain OM is married or not. She says he isnt. I think he is. He works in Florida during the week and goes home to Pittsburg on weekends she says to see his 2 kids. That tells me he IS still married. I have an address that I believe they live at. I have no trust in her anymore, and want to find a way to get it back. I want to try to make things work out for our family. I understand I put her on the back burner for almost 2 years, but cheating on me is not acceptable.
Some of the difficulties we face:
1) She travels 2-4 day a week (on an airplane and out of state)
2) She usually gets back on Thursday nights. On Friday her three kids are back at our house from their dads. Of course they want her attention all thru the weekend. My busiest work days of the week are Saturday and Sunday. Come Monday the kids are back in school, Monday nights is gymnastics and tennis for them. On Tuesday they go to school and are back at their dads. She usually leaves on an airplane early Tuesday morning, and is going until Thursday night or Friday. So you can see we are having trouble finding quality time for each other.
So.....let me have it.......the good advice the bad advice. I'm all ears. Do you think she is a serial cheater? How can I trust her again? Should I try to send info to OM's wife (if he even has one)? Let me hear it...........

 

[AtomicUse]

^Come on man!

 

[Malta]

I hold men accountable for things men can control. This is a breh heavy board. No sense crying about the evil women do- we know it. We need to focus on how to avoid it, as well as how to deal with it if we are unable to avoid it.

A woman moving back in with her fukking ex while you are going through a tough time is about as big of a red flag as you can get. sWhat sense does it make to sit around and whine about how messed up she is for doing that? Get your mind right and do what has to be done. Nobody succeeds at anything sitting around fukking whining all the time, and that is pretty much how EVERY thread about women here is. Stop accepting the victim role and take ownership/control of your interactions with women

The thing is, you never hold women accountable for anything

And all that talk is just talk, cause a dude like Idris Elba got cheated on and raised a kid that wasn't his, ain't no man immune to getting blindsided. According to you, dudes can't even vent, I would have loved to see you talking to Idris telling him to stop whining and man up

 

[Taadow]

IDK. Its hard to feel pity for simps. How do u suspect nothing when your wife is sleepign with her ex?

I wish discussions here focused more on men's stupidity, rather than women's "evil". We can't control a woman's intents but we can control how we respond to them.

This sounds like that...whatchamacallit on here..."victim blaming"...

 

[TLR Is Mental Poison]

This sounds like that...whatchamacallit on here..."victim blaming"...

Yea he was a victim of his own simpery and stupidity

 

[hex]

I feel the overwhelming urge to lock all the men on that board in a big ass room and blare this over a PA system until they either lose their mind, or man the fukk up:



Fred.

 

[Taadow]

Yea he was a victim of his own simpery and stupidity

*bookmarks*

 

[TLR Is Mental Poison]

*bookmarks*

Cant wait

 

[MikelArteta]

I apologize in advance if this is long winded but there are a lot of factors, and believe it or not this is the condensed version.

This past Sunday evening my wife of 1 year (6 yrs before marriage) and I were out at dinner and she was a little tipsy from drinking all day. So she was on her phone a lot and not paying attention to me, so I glanced at her screen from across the table and I saw what appeared to be a guys name that I didn't recognize and her sending a cleavage pic. When I asked what she was doing she quickly closed it out and pulled up a pic of her new belly button ring. When we got home and she fell asleep I was able to figure out her swipe pass code and I found a long thread with an ex of hers from high school that she hasn't spoken to in 15 yrs. At first it was a lot of catching up, talking about his kids, how he screwed up letting her go etc.. Then he started calling her beautiful and from there it got more sexual. My wife said he did things for her that I don't, and she also said I go out of town for work every few months. He sent her nude pics and she sent cleavage pics and pics of her face. This was way more than light flirting.

I also briefly saw her much shorter thread with another guy where he was talking dirty to her and asked for pics, for which my wife replied: use snapchat because it deletes the evidence. All she told me was that she knew if from back home. Unfortunately while hooking up to my pc to save all this I could not remember the pass code and was permanently locked out of her phone. She woke up and asked if I had seen her phone and I confronted her. She didn't try to deny it. She deleted everything off her phone so now I'll never know if it was just 2 guys. I can't believe a word she says and I fear that if I stay with her she is bound to cheat again.

I looked at the phone and text records and the talking to the 1st guy had started 5 days prior, which she told me before I got the records. Over 430 messages in 5 days, and 2 late night calls both over 20 minutes. To make matters worse I noticed another # showing up a lot and she told me it was a guy she works with that is just a friend. He is married and has 2 kids and yet they were texting a at late hrs of the night. Who does that? The 2 guys she was sexting with live on the other side of the country so definitely no physical contact. She swears the guy from work is a friend and said she was sexting the other guys because it made her feel good to be complimented and to have her ex tell her he screwed up was gratifying and provided closure. She has also gained a little weight the last coupe years and doesn't feel sexy anymore. I still think she's gorgeous and I can barely keep my hands off her. But I asked her why the hell she would delete her texts with the coworker if she had nothing to hide and she said " I didn't think I needed to defend every one of my conversations". Unbelievable!That would have given her some credibility.

I love her more than life itself and I thought our marriage was great. She swears she loves me and didn't mean to hurt me so bad. She says she is very happy with me and even told that to sexting guy #1 when he asked. I just don't understand why a happy wife would stray for some emotional attention. I think I am a great husband, although I could compliment her more and say sweet things more. I am so torn up right now and of course I can't talk to anyone about this. My trust in her is broken and I don't know if it can ever be repaired. I am just looking for advice from people that have gone through this. Thanks for reading this long diatribe.

 

[Medulla Oblongata]

This reminds about how some guy on Reddit found out his wife fukked some guy who was the head of an old ass band.