So here is my story. I am 46, my girlfriend is 42. We have been together for about 31/2 years. We have a 2 year old boy together. She has 3 kids from a previous marriage. She and I bought a house together 2 years ago. Within 9 months of having our son (who was in the ICU at the hospital for 30 days), we moved into a house together. Our son was born. I bought two other houses (investment/rental property), fixed them up and rented them out. I had a great job for 13 years, the business was sold, new owner came in and cleaned house (lost my job). Found another good job 4 months later. The business was a mess, so I worked my butt off for a year getting things back on track. While doing all of this for the first year and a half since our son was born, my girlfriend was telling me we need to spend more time together, wanting more of me, etc. The whole time I am doing nothing but working my tail off, and enjoying fatherhood and being a super great dad to our boy. In my mind everything is pretty much ok between us. All I'm doing is working and being a dad. Girlfriend travels a lot (2-4) days a week, almost every week. She is drop dead gorgeous, absolutely beautiful. She keeps asking for more from me, stating that we should get married. I brush her off, because when we started dating, we both made the comment that marriage was over rated and something that neither of us wanted to do again. She keeps hinting about marriage. I blow it off, don't think its necessary. Wind the clock ahead to today. 5 weeks ago I found out she was having an affair. I saw a strange text come across her phone (I do not have access to it) but saw it come across her screen. I confronted her about it. She said it was just someone she had dinner with, and there is nothing more to it. A week after that, she got home from being gone on the road for 3 days. Looked at her phone when she was sleeping and it was OM saying how good she is in bed, etc. My world came crashing down. I confronted her with it. She couldn't really deny anything. I find out its been going on since early September, over two months now. To this day she has never really apologized and I don't think she regrets it. He has bought her 3 pairs of $200+ shoes, a $250 necklace, and a purse.
She says she tried to tell me for over a year and half, and I wasn't there for her. She says she begged and pleaded for me. And she is pretty much right, because all I was doing was working hard and being a good dad, and I kept putting her on the back shelf.
Some history on her. When she was married before, she had an affair with someone in New York for a couple years. When that marriage was ending, she had a few boyfriends in different cities. We met, she ended everything with all other interests (I am certain of this) and things were great with us for the first year (until our son was born and I got super busy). I keep finding a whirlwind of lies. She is still seeing OM. Says she is not going to quit seeing him until she sees a change in me and how I am in regards to her and our relationship. She says...I was dating a couple of guys when we met, and you won out over all of them. She tells me to be my best and see what happens. We started seeing a counselor two weeks ago. Thru all of this, I want to find a way to reconcile our relationship. I do love her a lot. I do not see how it is possible for our relationship to get back to where we need to, with a third party involved, there is just no way. I am not certain OM is married or not. She says he isnt. I think he is. He works in Florida during the week and goes home to Pittsburg on weekends she says to see his 2 kids. That tells me he IS still married. I have an address that I believe they live at. I have no trust in her anymore, and want to find a way to get it back. I want to try to make things work out for our family. I understand I put her on the back burner for almost 2 years, but cheating on me is not acceptable.
Some of the difficulties we face:
1) She travels 2-4 day a week (on an airplane and out of state)
2) She usually gets back on Thursday nights. On Friday her three kids are back at our house from their dads. Of course they want her attention all thru the weekend. My busiest work days of the week are Saturday and Sunday. Come Monday the kids are back in school, Monday nights is gymnastics and tennis for them. On Tuesday they go to school and are back at their dads. She usually leaves on an airplane early Tuesday morning, and is going until Thursday night or Friday. So you can see we are having trouble finding quality time for each other.
So.....let me have it.......the good advice the bad advice. I'm all ears. Do you think she is a serial cheater? How can I trust her again? Should I try to send info to OM's wife (if he even has one)? Let me hear it...........
@ some of these stories
