So...very long story made extremely short. Married 18.5 years. I was inattentive and not very "there" for about a year prior. Wife established a secret email account, looked up people on Craigslist. Met at least 3 of them - supposedly never did anything other than kiss one. Met a 4th and had a sexual affair with him. I discovered it a month later when I am in her main email account and see an email from her to an unknown address with a pic of herself. I hack the account and discover what's been going on and confront her with it. The guy she f****d is a family therapist, of all things! G*d d**n!!! I have more detail than anyone should ever be allowed to have - I've grilled her for 2 months about it, detail after detail. I know when, where, how, how long, how much, what, and anything and everything in between.
Fast forward 2.5 months. We've argued, fought, said ugly things, I've made threats. We are attempting to reconcile. We are seeing a "real" therapist. We still live together, sleep together, make love together, go to church together, deal with our children together, etc.
Now is where this gets weird. About our sex life - we are pretty racy. Nothing bizarre, just lots of dirty talk, no limits on orifices or frequency. Our sex life has always been like this. And, probably, a little more so since the affair. ...I still haven't gotten to the weird part yet... So, we occasionally watch porn and fantasize. Recently, within the past couple weeks, we've been fantasizing about involving another woman. We've gone so far as to seek someone out. We are very religious people. I am the leader in my home and the final say on things. Either one of us has the ability to "tap out" if we decide we don't want to follow through with this "thing."
On one hand, I think we shouldn't do this due to the moral implications. On the other hand, this is her 2nd sexual affair and 6th or 7th emotional affair. (There were multiple "friends" on Craigslist that she was emotionally intimate with.) Honestly? I feel a little justified in going ahead ad pursuing this 3some. I am confused and can't make up my mind which way to go.
Posting this here (hopefully in the right area) to seek the advise of others in an anonymous way. Hopefully, folks will feel free to be open and honest. Let me know your thoughts, but please don't crucify me. I'm being honest here.