Brother
@Uachet any words of wisdom?
You can do both. The attention my wife and I gave to each other and the children we raised fluctuated based on the circumstances and needs of the individual. It is a dynamic process that you have to do in order to keep your marriage viable while also raising well-adjusted children. So effective communication is a must between everyone to make sure we all understand each other's circumstances and needs to effectively deal with them.
So here are some of the things my wife and I would do to make sure we all remain connected to each other.
1. Girls outing where my wife would take the girls on shopping sprees, vacations, events, entertainment, etc. Giving them time to connect and talk with me not being around.
2. Outings with me only doing some of the same things, but also some different things we like to do together like miniature golf, batting range, arcades, and certain movie types we enjoyed. We would talk and just enjoy each other's company.
3. Husband and Wife-only activities from dates, vacations, and jazz clubs to just sending the girls out so we can just spend some quality time enjoying each other's bodies and minds.
4. Family events from just evening meals together every Sunday when they got older home movie nights to outside activities and vacations to extended family events and interesting locations that everyone had a hand in choosing.
5. We each made sure we had time to ourselves enjoying hobbies and solo activities. Giving each of us time away from each other.
6. We never, ever, allowed the girls to pit us against each other. We would always maintain a united front when it came to decisions concerning their well-being. We always made sure we knew what each other said to them when it came to giving permission. Cuts down on a lot of possible misunderstandings and arguments over rearing styles.
7. Also, we never hid our age-appropriate disagreements with each other from the girls, we did make sure we remained respectful in our arguments. We never cursed at each other, we never reacted violently towards each other. If we got so angry that we needed to cool off, we ended our interaction until we cooled off and could let rational thinking prevail. If we could not come to an agreement, we would just end the argument by agreeing to disagree.
There is more, but what is above generally covers it. With my youngest sister married and my daughter in college, my wife and I have a lot of time with each other. Since we worked to maintain our relationship throughout the years, we find ourselves enjoying each other's company even more. Outside of the minor worry about our adult girls being out in the world on their own, we have found we have far more time to just spoil each other. It is a nice place to be, even with my present health issues.
dem kids gonna be out the house in 18-20 years, what them other 30-40 looking like after you prioritize dem bebe kids. Many people don't make it that far to realize what should've been a priority
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I’m done