I need help. Feel like I've been an inch away from snapping for a week

Capitol

Capitol

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I really can't put my finger on what it is, but lately it seems like the smallest shyt seems to put me on edge and has me wanting to just swing on the next person I see. I never actually snap on pepple physically but i can tell the people around me have been begun to start avoiding me, walking on egg shells around me, or waiting for me to initiate the convo in case I was already heated. This is something that has been going on for a minute, but this past week it's just on a whole different level and lasts longer

So brehs and brehettes what do you do when you really need to calm down but the usual stuff (music, tv games, etc) just arent cutting it. Maybe i need to go back to smoking weed or something man
 
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AlainLocke

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Smoke some weed...and drink some liquor...

Or draw a point on the wall and stare at it for 2 minutes and try to not think about anything...
 
Wildin

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Capitol said:
I really can't put my finger on what it is, but lately it seems like the smallest shyt seems to put me on edge and has me wanting to just swing on the next person I see. I never actually snap on pepple physically but i can tell the people around me have been begun to start avoiding me, walking on egg shells around me, or waiting for me to initiate the convo in case I was already heated. This is something that has been going on for a minute, but this past week it's just on a whole different level and lasts longer

So brehs and brehettes what do you do when you really need to calm down but the usual stuff (music, tv games, etc) just arent cutting it. Maybe i need to go back to smoking weed or something man
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Whats the source of your anger?

You gotta figure it out and get to the bottom of it. Im still at where you are at. I know exactly what it is too but im not ready to make the necessary changes.
 
Capitol

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nikkahs B. Wildin said:
Whats the source of your anger?

You gotta figure it out and get to the bottom of it. Im still at where you are at. I know exactly what it is too but im not ready to make the necessary changes.
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I'm just not where I want to be and it eats at me. Like my grandmother died thinking I was some really smart kid that was going to be the first person to graduate college and instead I got caught up with living the fast life style and I selfishly ruined one of the best things to ever happen to me before I even knew what was going on and I have nothing to show for it but mountains of student loan debt. My mom keeps passive aggressively bringing it up at every opportunity. I had the revelation that she will never be proud of me or care about what I do unless it involves making a lot of money

But don't get me wrong, I recognize that things could be much worse, but then that just makes me feel even worse for constantly pitying myself and not having the drive to really do anything about it.

Sometimes I feel like if I could literally transfer my life energy to someone else and be done with this shyt I would do it in a second because I don't have any dreams or aspirations anyway. I just feel trapped essentially. I cant seem to make shyt move to get my life together and i cant just off myself and disappoint people further either.

The closest thing I have to a dream to really chase is that l want to prevent people from thinking and behaving the way I do, going through life aimlessly, unsure of themselves and the world around them, and what does that really say about me?

That's all you're going to get out of me though. Feel like i already said too much and I'm not about to sit on the coli couch and tell my whole life story:pachaha:
 
Wildin

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Capitol said:
I'm just not where I want to be and it eats at me. Like my grandmother died thinking I was some really smart kid that was going to be the first person to graduate college and instead I got caught up with living the fast life style and I selfishly ruined one of the best things to ever happen to me before I even knew what was going on and I have nothing to show for it but mountains of student loan debt. My mom keeps passive aggressively bringing it up at every opportunity. I had the revelation that she will never be proud of me or care about what I do unless it involves making a lot of money

But don't get me wrong, I recognize that things could be much worse, but then that just makes me feel even worse for constantly pitying myself and not having the drive to really do anything about it.

Sometimes I feel like if I could literally transfer my life energy to someone else and be done with this shyt I would do it in a second because I don't have any dreams or aspirations anyway. I just feel trapped essentially. I cant seem to make shyt move to get my life together and i cant just off myself and disappoint people further either.

The closest thing I have to a dream to really chase is that l want to prevent people from thinking and behaving the way I do, going through life aimlessly, unsure of themselves and the world around them, and what does that really say about me?

That's all you're going to get out of me though. Feel like i already said too much and I'm not about to sit on the coli couch and tell my whole life story:pachaha:
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Nah you're good. You know the reason why you feel the way that you do, which is great. A lot of people either don't or dont want to acknowledge why they feel the way they do so they just say "I dont know". You know exactly what it is and you're not afraid to acknowledge it.

Now all you need is the right guidance, every problem has a solution. You don't need a licensed counselor at all, but it wouldn't hurt to have someone older and in a slightly better position in life to provide you guidance.

Im going to say something and I'm going to be blunt about it but im not trying to offensive. If your mom is antagonizing you about your college situation and if its true that she will only be proud of you or care about what you do if you make money than thats her problem, not yours. Now the only way you can know is to ask her straight up, "Mom are you proud of me, will you be proud of me no matter how I turn out or what I end up doing?" Anything else is basically your feelings of what you think of her perception is toward you. You might have to have a really tough conversation with her about that.

Your grandmothers thoughts, wishes, perceptions they are all gone. They left with her. Some people use those to drive them, but if its not driving you, if its not motivational for you then move on to something else. You need to find and focus on whats going to motivate you to get up everyday and live your life to the fullest, dont concern yourself with impressing others and making others proud, you gotta make yourself proud.

Theres a difference between someone being proud of you and proud of the work that you do. Im proud of the work some of my co workers do, but Im not proud of them. If you are a really good assistant manager at Dollar General, but you tell your mom and family "I definitely dont want to make a life career out of DG" They can be proud that you do a good job, they can even be proud of you because of your level of self esteem and actualization ((knowing where you stand in the world and where you want to be). Theres a significant lack of transparency there if someone can see something in you that isnt there. In short you have to be proud of yourself before anyone can be proud of you.
 
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