The Nigerian
The Realest Member of TheColi
These allergies got me down for the night. So instead of hitting a mic I decided to just talk about a confrontation with I had with a racist yesterday.
Last night was I was accosted by a racist comedian who doesn't like my jokes because they cause him to reveal his true nature in public.
The story begins at an open mic that was crashed by two of the most obnoxious, disrespectful, drunkards that couldn't HELP but to talk over everyone's set. Apparently, earlier that day they crashed their yacht in Lake Michigan and it caught on fire. They thought that entitled them to monopolize everyone's attention. They were interrupting sets and attempting to pass around their iPad to show pictures, presumably of the wreckage, that nobody requested to see.
I watched as these clowns interrupted set after set. Just talking over them as if nobody else were in the room. As if a person holding a microphone and addressing the crowd isn't a universal sign to STFU or at least keep your side convo to a respectable volume.
The comedians up before me were making little quips but none of them really took the time to go in on these choad holes.
By the time it was my turn to go up I know what I had to do. As a comedian, I did my duty and went IN on those clowns the moment I hit the stage. They got verbally stomped and rolled on like gohan. The joke I made went something like this:
"Let's give it up for the worst white people EVER. Doing The Lord's work and showing everybody exactly just WHO the problem is. Hint: It's THEM.
Destroying property, carousing about, belligerently drunk in public, interrupting multiple live performances? Just too aloof for the room, right?
These shytbags are worse than George Zimmerman. These white people are worse than Darren Willson! These white people give justification for the actions of ISIS!
I wish that the police would treat white people like these assclowns just like they treat Black people. Maybe then they would know how to behave in public! fukk your boat and your stupid ass hat! Shut the fukk up!"
Then I went into my set. Which was great, by the way.
So yeah, the people in question stopped talking for a moment for the rest of my set. They kept their talking to murmurs until I got off the stage.
The guest host at that time did his job and made a very clever joke which went something like "I feel kinda bad about being a white guy taking the mic from The Nigerian at this time but this is the power structure that we agreed upon." Hilarious.
The next comedian went up and then the yacht chaches started LOUDLY chit chatting away AGAIN!
This guy wasn't nearly as strong in the face of such blatant disrespect. He made a valiant effort to go through his act but these yacht a$$holes started shoving their iPad in everyone's face with complete disregard for the performance. The comedian became dispirited and walked off in the middle of a joke. As he had every right to at that point.
The next host, some white guy with a beard, then hit the stage and made an awkward joke about how I don't drink enough (free) beer and how I stole the (free) beer that I was drinking. Hmmm… Light on the funny. Heavy on racist.
After that, he went out of his way to excuse the behavior of the yacht douchebags. Talking about how he's been doing comedy for 8 years (really!?), how great we have it doing comedy in Chicago and how we should be thankful to have people to tell jokes to. I thought his point was bullshyt but I didn't say anything because I'm a respectful audience member.
Then it was time for some other white guy to hit the stage. If I recall correctly this idiot was from Ohio. This ass clown went on for 3 or 4 minutes about how these crashed yacht a$$holes had the right to disrupt the performers citing that we should have sympathy for their loss. The fukk? Since when was that hip hop?
Anyway, so after that guy went up the same bearded comedian made ANOTHER appeal to the comedians to play nice with respect to these yacht chaches.
At some point these yacht people left and the mic drew to a close. Outside, where the comics were gathering I made a joke. It went something like this:
"Guys, I really hate to take it there but I will. White comedians have spent DECADES cracking jokes about Black people talking during the movies. Yet y'all make nothing but excuses for drunk white a$$holes that are literally destroying the whole presentation. What gives white people!?"
Now, some of the comedians laughed. Others made clever quips in response. Yet there was one, there's always at least one, that got all bent out of shape. It was the racist bearded comedian. Dude was losing his MIND at the fact that I pointed out that yes, the people disrupting the show were in fact white and the comics giving excuses for their behavior were white too.
Then I got hit with some hackneyed racist talking points:
"Why do you have to mention that they were white? What does this have to do with race?"
To which I responded, "Well, I am making a joke about white people."
"You think Black people haven't interrupted me before!?"
To which I replied "I'm talking about what happened just now. Not some hypothetical parallel reverse-racist situation that went down in white memory land."
"Are you saying that I'm defending those people because I'm white and they were white!?"
I shrugged.
Then he started to lose his mind. Angrily shouting "AM I A RACIST!?"at me several times, trying to bait me. I know this because I've had this conversation with countless racists.
I know that racists will take being called a racist directly as an out to a discussion. In their mind it negates the validity of the discussion, as racists, even while committing racist acts, will almost NEVER sincerely acknowledge that they are in fact racists. So instead of giving him the satisfaction of an out, I just let him squirm in the noose he made for himself.
(HINT: If you ever find yourself angrily yelling "AM I A RACIST!?" to a Black person in the middle of the street then theres a strong chance that you might be a fukking racist)
Instead I just kept looking at everyone and pointing at him while he was screaming at me. In the mists of this yelling some of the other comics, who were also white, made some astute observations about the racist comedian's behavior such as "Well, you're literally standing on a step and yelling down at The Nigerian" and "Yes, the people disrupting the show were definitely white and the comics excusing it were white, too."
Dude got so angrily racist he literally tried to "put me in my place" by telling me to "go home." Dude's eyes were filled with a racist rage at this point. His face was beet red. I expected him to rip his shirt and reveal a swastika tattoo on his chest.
Then I mention to him, "Bro, you're all red-faced and losing your mind over these jokes."
To which he replies "I don't know when you're joking, The Nigerian!"
"That's that's not my problem, bro!" I said with a shrug.
After which he made a comment about me being "the real racist" and left in a huff. Typical racist behavior.
What gets me is how racist people always expect to be in on the joke. It's as if they think they can't have jokes made at their expense designed to make them feel awful. They get to tell their stupid tee-hee-her racist jokes nonstop but as soon as the joke is on them they get all bent outta shape. The entitlement of these racists is outrageous. In fact, it's irredeemably offensive.
EDIT: The racist comedian goes by the name Kevin White:
Last night was I was accosted by a racist comedian who doesn't like my jokes because they cause him to reveal his true nature in public.
The story begins at an open mic that was crashed by two of the most obnoxious, disrespectful, drunkards that couldn't HELP but to talk over everyone's set. Apparently, earlier that day they crashed their yacht in Lake Michigan and it caught on fire. They thought that entitled them to monopolize everyone's attention. They were interrupting sets and attempting to pass around their iPad to show pictures, presumably of the wreckage, that nobody requested to see.
I watched as these clowns interrupted set after set. Just talking over them as if nobody else were in the room. As if a person holding a microphone and addressing the crowd isn't a universal sign to STFU or at least keep your side convo to a respectable volume.
The comedians up before me were making little quips but none of them really took the time to go in on these choad holes.
By the time it was my turn to go up I know what I had to do. As a comedian, I did my duty and went IN on those clowns the moment I hit the stage. They got verbally stomped and rolled on like gohan. The joke I made went something like this:
"Let's give it up for the worst white people EVER. Doing The Lord's work and showing everybody exactly just WHO the problem is. Hint: It's THEM.
Destroying property, carousing about, belligerently drunk in public, interrupting multiple live performances? Just too aloof for the room, right?
These shytbags are worse than George Zimmerman. These white people are worse than Darren Willson! These white people give justification for the actions of ISIS!
I wish that the police would treat white people like these assclowns just like they treat Black people. Maybe then they would know how to behave in public! fukk your boat and your stupid ass hat! Shut the fukk up!"
Then I went into my set. Which was great, by the way.
So yeah, the people in question stopped talking for a moment for the rest of my set. They kept their talking to murmurs until I got off the stage.
The guest host at that time did his job and made a very clever joke which went something like "I feel kinda bad about being a white guy taking the mic from The Nigerian at this time but this is the power structure that we agreed upon." Hilarious.
The next comedian went up and then the yacht chaches started LOUDLY chit chatting away AGAIN!
This guy wasn't nearly as strong in the face of such blatant disrespect. He made a valiant effort to go through his act but these yacht a$$holes started shoving their iPad in everyone's face with complete disregard for the performance. The comedian became dispirited and walked off in the middle of a joke. As he had every right to at that point.
The next host, some white guy with a beard, then hit the stage and made an awkward joke about how I don't drink enough (free) beer and how I stole the (free) beer that I was drinking. Hmmm… Light on the funny. Heavy on racist.
After that, he went out of his way to excuse the behavior of the yacht douchebags. Talking about how he's been doing comedy for 8 years (really!?), how great we have it doing comedy in Chicago and how we should be thankful to have people to tell jokes to. I thought his point was bullshyt but I didn't say anything because I'm a respectful audience member.
Then it was time for some other white guy to hit the stage. If I recall correctly this idiot was from Ohio. This ass clown went on for 3 or 4 minutes about how these crashed yacht a$$holes had the right to disrupt the performers citing that we should have sympathy for their loss. The fukk? Since when was that hip hop?
Anyway, so after that guy went up the same bearded comedian made ANOTHER appeal to the comedians to play nice with respect to these yacht chaches.
At some point these yacht people left and the mic drew to a close. Outside, where the comics were gathering I made a joke. It went something like this:
"Guys, I really hate to take it there but I will. White comedians have spent DECADES cracking jokes about Black people talking during the movies. Yet y'all make nothing but excuses for drunk white a$$holes that are literally destroying the whole presentation. What gives white people!?"
Now, some of the comedians laughed. Others made clever quips in response. Yet there was one, there's always at least one, that got all bent out of shape. It was the racist bearded comedian. Dude was losing his MIND at the fact that I pointed out that yes, the people disrupting the show were in fact white and the comics giving excuses for their behavior were white too.
Then I got hit with some hackneyed racist talking points:
"Why do you have to mention that they were white? What does this have to do with race?"
To which I responded, "Well, I am making a joke about white people."
"You think Black people haven't interrupted me before!?"
To which I replied "I'm talking about what happened just now. Not some hypothetical parallel reverse-racist situation that went down in white memory land."
"Are you saying that I'm defending those people because I'm white and they were white!?"
I shrugged.
Then he started to lose his mind. Angrily shouting "AM I A RACIST!?"at me several times, trying to bait me. I know this because I've had this conversation with countless racists.
I know that racists will take being called a racist directly as an out to a discussion. In their mind it negates the validity of the discussion, as racists, even while committing racist acts, will almost NEVER sincerely acknowledge that they are in fact racists. So instead of giving him the satisfaction of an out, I just let him squirm in the noose he made for himself.
(HINT: If you ever find yourself angrily yelling "AM I A RACIST!?" to a Black person in the middle of the street then theres a strong chance that you might be a fukking racist)
Instead I just kept looking at everyone and pointing at him while he was screaming at me. In the mists of this yelling some of the other comics, who were also white, made some astute observations about the racist comedian's behavior such as "Well, you're literally standing on a step and yelling down at The Nigerian" and "Yes, the people disrupting the show were definitely white and the comics excusing it were white, too."
Dude got so angrily racist he literally tried to "put me in my place" by telling me to "go home." Dude's eyes were filled with a racist rage at this point. His face was beet red. I expected him to rip his shirt and reveal a swastika tattoo on his chest.
Then I mention to him, "Bro, you're all red-faced and losing your mind over these jokes."
To which he replies "I don't know when you're joking, The Nigerian!"
"That's that's not my problem, bro!" I said with a shrug.
After which he made a comment about me being "the real racist" and left in a huff. Typical racist behavior.
What gets me is how racist people always expect to be in on the joke. It's as if they think they can't have jokes made at their expense designed to make them feel awful. They get to tell their stupid tee-hee-her racist jokes nonstop but as soon as the joke is on them they get all bent outta shape. The entitlement of these racists is outrageous. In fact, it's irredeemably offensive.
EDIT: The racist comedian goes by the name Kevin White:
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