Yup. Just like I said, I am super tempted to cheat on my boyfriend with this guy I went to school with. He was super in to me and always tried to talk to me but I wasnt interested in dating at the time and I wasnt allowed to anyway. Fast forward a few years later, I'm sitting in my living room... www.lipstickalley.com disclaimer: during those few months my pill pusher ass doctor i went to my doctor for possible seasonal depressional and wanted to get reffered to cbt therapy. she ended up giving me 25 mg prescription of lexapro that i never needed within 3 months i was showing signs of mania and didnt realize until another 3 months once someone else noticed and i got sent to a different doctor smh becareful with these med prescriptions because some doctors are just looking to push meds onto people anway back to the story... prescribed me anti depressants that i didnt need at all, it ended up making me manic as hell. ive since changed doctors and stopped my prescibed meds and the layani from the past thread and this thread are like 2 totally different people. some of my responses & actions during that time were weird asf lmao. also, im not a pornstar i was just being manic and weird im just a dancer so yeah... anyway.
I did end up sleeping with him but i didnt cheat I told my boyfriend I wasnt happy and wanted to see other people and he obv would be able to as well and I wouldnt be angry. I had sex with the rapper but it was awkward (for me) I feel like thats only because I lowkey felt guilty. So its not really cheating, I was completely honest but still felt bad.
Im still really physically attracted to the other dude and I think about him alot, its definitely only a physical attraction because we would never work out on paper we have different personalities. We went on a few dates and the vibe was off, I feel like my personality was a turn off for him (Im definitely way too mature and looking to have a more personal deep dive conversation where he just wanted to watch SHA EK fighting his gf and drill videos and talk about BS surprise surprise ) I still have a huge crush on him and I hate it. I dont want to. Idk how much I can go into detail about the sex without being in the xes alley but he was well endowed which was like a breath of fresh air after dealing with the ED of my ex. I hate the fact that he is my type physically because if it werent for that I wouldnt be thinking about him as much as I do.
My ex knows everything and still wanted to be with me, he chased me for a few months even after i told him what i did. It was hard because we really do have a special connection, hes handsome, caring, hes the perfect guy so I ended up getting back together with him because I genuinely did miss him, talking to him, spending time with him but our sex life is so terrible. Every time he initiates sex im just not into it because his size compared to the other dude is not it and sex is just so so bad"
first time going over there...
ive been telling him for months what I like and how to do things, Ive tried to be patient, ive been with him for years trying to teach him how to please me... I cant bring myself to break up with him for that reason because it sounds so shallow to break up with a guy over sex and their penis size (his penis isnt even small its average) but im not being sexually satisfied at all. I feel like I am the problem because he isnt that bad but for some reason it just doesnt satisfy me.
I feel like i have to choose between having a relationship thats perfect in every other way besides sex, or having good sex and dealing with duds. Plus im 25 going on 26 I feel like I need to take relationships more seriously and ''settle down'' so to speak.
Now that im settling into a more domestic relationship with him (he proposed, buying a house, etc) I stopped dancing/camming for him and our future and got a normal career in my field and tbh I just feel sad.