I M A True Loser
I've pretty much always known that I was a loser. Right now, I am 36 years old and a virgin and unemployed. The last time I had any friends was in Elementary school. I also live in my parents basement so I am the stereotypical loser with no friends. I was working as an independent contractor for a newspaper and earning a decent income. I had to quit because they reduced my pay and I was no longer earning enough to support my vehicle expenses working for them.
I have never had any "real" job where I have to work for or directly with people and I don't expect to ever be able to. I am a high school dropout and very, very stupid. I wouldn't be able to take care of myself without my mother being around but she is in extreme denial about how stupid I really am. I am extremely overweight (but working on losing it) and very anti-social.
Just today, my family had a big family get together and it really saddened me to hear about how successful and how much my nephews and other relatives were or were going to be or how well they enjoyed life. Whenever I get sad being around them, I like to drink. All I had was wine, so I drank 2 bottles myself. Luckily I made it back downstairs before I threw up and went to sleep. Luckily, I didn't make to big a fool out of myself. I suppose people who so enjoy life and are so successful need losers like me to make them feel even better about themselves.
I absolutely hate large parties and crowds and I so envy my nephew for being so outgoing and so capable of living life to the fullest. As much as I would love to, I just can't. I rarely leave my parents basement. I am so fearful of people and fearful of rejection. I used to, and probably still do, feel that people will only be my friends if I can buy them stuff. I used to feel the only time I was happy was when I bought myself things, but it would only last a few days.
I have never dated or had a girl as a friend. At my age and for me, sex is really irrelevant. I would gladly accept just to have somebody love me. I would just love to be able to hold a woman close to me. I no longer care if I ever have sex in this lifetime.
I have basically no personality and it seems that I always say inappropriate things or stupid things around people. It is very hard for people to be my friend, because I always drive them away by doing or saying stupid things. I have never accepted that anyone would want to be my friend, perhaps because if I were them, I wouldn't want to be my friend.