If you are over 35, why are you single?

[Karb]

I'm not close to 35, but I totally see myself being single at that age. The thought used to scare me, but I don't mind it at all the more I think about it

I look at my married friends, and even though they are happy and have good families, there are still a lot of things that they can't do because they constantly have to put family first.

I figured, why not get the best out of my current status

I don't want to look back and think about all the things I could've achieved.

I don't have to worry about kids and having to adjust my life to accommodate someone else. I don't think I'm ready for that.

I've been engaged before and everything fell through the last minute. The whole experience shifted my perspective. Dodged a bullet for sure

 

[JoseLuisGotcha]

im old and fit this description it's a mix of several things

1. my biggest fear is having a child with someone and not being with them forever...i could never let some other dude/guy be a father figure to my kid and i was a step child who had a great step dad but i just couldnt do it.
2. I just don't feel comfortable in life yet im doing good but putting work into a relationship takes the focus on what im doing (i know opportunities pass you by when you wait for the perfect conditions) but i've been laid up with a woman that loved me and all i could think about is how to improve me business more and i should be at my comp putting in work
3. Im selfish
4. Virtually all my friends who have settled either hate it, are miserable or cheat...so many of these "happy couples" have the most turmoil
5. I fukked up....I fukked up a lot and played or didnt committ to great women in my past so it's probably some karma in there....no one foreseen social media to be what it is....so now im washed up in the social media age where it's just a hook up culture and dating doesn't exist.....like it wasn't corny before to go on dates and get flowers etc. now if you show up with flowers and try planning a thoughtful date you're thirsty, clingy, weirdo...so at the end i have no one to be mad at but myself for not wifing when i shoulda
6. I have no regrets tho....i know eventually i'll be Gucci with a family though

 

[intruder]

In my 40's...been married for more than 15 years, which is why my friends always talk to me about this. But I got married because he talked me into it..soo really wanting to get married and it not happening is odd to me. Most people ask for what they want..if yes, proceed. If no, find someone who will say yes. My hubby said this was a good idea and i rolled with him. He was mostly right

How old was he? 20s? And how long did you two date before getting married? Would you have stayed with him if he didn't marry you? Like would you have stayed with him for 5,7,10 years of you didn't feel he would ever commit to a marriage?

 

[intruder]

That sounded like what you said sir. And now...its a sacrifice?? You don't think it is a sacrifice for the woman as well? Humph...

Yeah but women look forward to getting married, tho. You can't deny that.

With men it's more like "oh well, might as well get married"

I'm going to bet you'll come across far more women who are sad that they're not married in their 30s or 40s than you do men.

 

[JoseLuisGotcha]

the 35 and older single guy's creed...

Sometimes I think I'm from another world
When I'm trynna tell a woman just exactly where I stand that
I want a girl, when I want a girl
And when I don't want a girl, I want a girl who
understands that?
And that's some hard shyt to explain
To a woman that's in love with you, it's a pitiful thing
Until I had to figure
That I don't wanna play around, but I don't wanna settle down
And that's a man's dilemma,
'cause every man remembers
How his daddy and his uncles did it
'Cause more than likely that's the way they're gonna do it
I know it sound fukked up and most wont admit it
But yo, I gotta face it 'cause I know I'm living through it
'Cause when the party stops and nikkaz get old
And the chain and the cars and the houses get sold,
and that Other side of the bed gets cold / you don't wanna be alone

 

[Double Burger With Cheese]

im old and fit this description it's a mix of several things

1. my biggest fear is having a child with someone and not being with them forever...i could never let some other dude/guy be a father figure to my kid and i was a step child who had a great step dad but i just couldnt do it.
2. I just don't feel comfortable in life yet im doing good but putting work into a relationship takes the focus on what im doing (i know opportunities pass you by when you wait for the perfect conditions) but i've been laid up with a woman that loved me and all i could think about is how to improve me business more and i should be at my comp putting in work
3. Im selfish
4. Virtually all my friends who have settled either hate it, are miserable or cheat...so many of these "happy couples" have the most turmoil
5. I fukked up....I fukked up a lot and played or didnt committ to great women in my past so it's probably some karma in there....no one foreseen social media to be what it is....so now im washed up in the social media age where it's just a hook up culture and dating doesn't exist.....like it wasn't corny before to go on dates and get flowers etc. now if you show up with flowers and try planning a thoughtful date you're thirsty, clingy, weirdo...so at the end i have no one to be mad at but myself for not wifing when i shoulda
6. I have no regrets tho....i know eventually i'll be Gucci with a family though

3,4,5, and 6 are so on point. I'm not yet 35, but close to it and those last 4 reasons why I feel I may never get married.

3. I realized that I'm probably too selfish to settle with someone for life. I don't see the point in "working through shyt" Why not just quit if it ain't working? Well that's not what a relationship is. It will be ups and downs. I always just ended shyt on the downs, cause I basically don't got time for that shyt. That's cause I care about me first and foremost, not us. That's cause I'm selfish. I'm super selfless in other areas in my life, and I will give you the world if you my girl. But I will quit on your ass in an instant if I'm not happy. I'm talking quickly too.

4. Man every single one of my fam or friends my age advise me that this ain't what you want. My cousin killing it right now. Making like 100k, beautiful and super cool wife. I told him one day that I was low key trying to get where he was at with the beautiful cool wife and all. He was like nikka was like I love my wife but... I seen a few of my partners get married and it's like the life got sucked out of them (no homo) I won't say they not happy, but they not the same, in a bad way. And a lot of them low key vicariously live through me. My nikka will come over the crib and be like man, you got it good. I'll be like, we just sitting here chilling But them nikkas just miss having your own shyt and not having to answer to anyone.

5. I feel like I missed my boat too by just being a young ignorant nikka that wasn't ready. I had some bad genuinely good girls that was so down for a nikka and I treated them like shyt, so now I feel like I'm getting what's owed to me. It's like I cannot find a them type bytches no more. It feel like every nikka with a bad ass, cool wife lock them hoes down early. Once you reach a certain point the prime picking are gone and it's way harder to find that "one"

6. Yep, no regrets if it don't happen. I'm good with or without a family. You will always wonder what if, but I won't be losing no sleep. I would really love to pass some of this knowledge down to a son or daughter, but I damn sure ain't gonna force it.

 

[JoseLuisGotcha]

3,4,5, and 6 are so on point. I'm not yet 35, but close to it and those last 4 reasons why I feel I may never get married.

3. I realized that I'm probably too selfish to settle with someone for life. I don't see the point in "working through shyt" Why not just quit if it ain't working? Well that's not what a relationship is. It will be ups and downs. I always just ended shyt on the downs, cause I basically don't got time for that shyt. That's cause I care about me first and foremost, not us. That's cause I'm selfish. I'm super selfless in other areas in my life, and I will give you the world if you my girl. But I will quit on your ass in an instant if I'm not happy. I'm talking quickly too.

4. Man every single one of my fam or friends my age advise me that this ain't what you want. My cousin killing it right now. Making like 100k, beautiful and super cool wife. I told him one day that I was low key trying to get where he was at with the beautiful cool wife and all. He was like nikka was like I love my wife but... I seen a few of my partners get married and it's like the life got sucked out of them (no homo) I won't say they not happy, but they not the same, in a bad way. And a lot of them low key vicariously live through me. My nikka will come over the crib and be like man, you got it good. I'll be like, we just sitting here chilling But them nikkas just miss having your own shyt and not having to answer to anyone.

5. I feel like I missed my boat too by just being a young ignorant nikka that wasn't ready. I had some bad genuinely good girls that was so down for a nikka and I treated them like shyt, so now I feel like I'm getting what's owed to me. It's like I cannot find a them type bytches no more. It feel like every nikka with a bad ass, cool wife lock them hoes down early. Once you reach a certain point the prime picking are gone and it's way harder to find that "one"

6. Yep, no regrets if it don't happen. I'm good with or without a family. You will always wonder what if, but I won't be losing no sleep. I would really love to pass some of this knowledge down to a son or daughter, but I damn sure ain't gonna force it.

i felt every word....

 

[cocoabutter27]

im old and fit this description it's a mix of several things

1. my biggest fear is having a child with someone and not being with them forever...i could never let some other dude/guy be a father figure to my kid and i was a step child who had a great step dad but i just couldnt do it.
2. I just don't feel comfortable in life yet im doing good but putting work into a relationship takes the focus on what im doing (i know opportunities pass you by when you wait for the perfect conditions) but i've been laid up with a woman that loved me and all i could think about is how to improve me business more and i should be at my comp putting in work
3. Im selfish
4. Virtually all my friends who have settled either hate it, are miserable or cheat...so many of these "happy couples" have the most turmoil
5. I fukked up....I fukked up a lot and played or didnt committ to great women in my past so it's probably some karma in there....no one foreseen social media to be what it is....so now im washed up in the social media age where it's just a hook up culture and dating doesn't exist.....like it wasn't corny before to go on dates and get flowers etc. now if you show up with flowers and try planning a thoughtful date you're thirsty, clingy, weirdo...so at the end i have no one to be mad at but myself for not wifing when i shoulda
6. I have no regrets tho....i know eventually i'll be Gucci with a family though

I think selfishness is huge. People think marriage is 50/50. It's not. One day can be 80/20, another can be 60/40. If you can't handle getting what you want every day then marriage is definitely a struggle.

 

[cocoabutter27]

How old was he? 20s? And how long did you two date before getting married? Would you have stayed with him if he didn't marry you? Like would you have stayed with him for 5,7,10 years of you didn't feel he would ever commit to a marriage?

We were both in our 20's. Dated for 2 years exactly before he proposed. No, I wouldn't have stayed. I was convinced there was probably a man in every state for me lol. I would have just dated folks. I didn't desire to have kids either, so having different long term relationships for the rest of my life was gonna be fine with me. However, I found that I love being married and being a mother. Just happens like that sometimes.

 

[cocoabutter27]

I'm not close to 35, but I totally see myself being single at that age. The thought used to scare me, but I don't mind it at all the more I think about it

I look at my married friends, and even though they are happy and have good families, there are still a lot of things that they can't do because they constantly have to put family first.

I figured, why not get the best out of my current status

I don't want to look back and think about all the things I could've achieved.

I don't have to worry about kids and having to adjust my life to accommodate someone else. I don't think I'm ready for that.

I've been engaged before and everything fell through the last minute. The whole experience shifted my perspective. Dodged a bullet for sure

At least you know this...it isn't for everyone.

 

[Booker T Garvey]

Be old when your kids are growing up brehs...

or be a grandparent in your 30's and 40's like that's some normal shyt

a lot of people had kids when I was in high school, and ALL of those kids turned out to be fukk ups. ALL of em.

 

[LoMax30]

5. I feel like I missed my boat too by just being a young ignorant nikka that wasn't ready. I had some bad genuinely good girls that was so down for a nikka and I treated them like shyt, so now I feel like I'm getting what's owed to me. It's like I cannot find a them type bytches no more. It feel like every nikka with a bad ass, cool wife lock them hoes down early. Once you reach a certain point the prime picking are gone and it's way harder to find that "one"

This

 

[intruder]

We were both in our 20's. Dated for 2 years exactly before he proposed. No, I wouldn't have stayed. I was convinced there was probably a man in every state for me lol. I would have just dated folks. I didn't desire to have kids either, so having different long term relationships for the rest of my life was gonna be fine with me. However, I found that I love being married and being a mother. Just happens like that sometimes.

it's very rare that men get married early in their early twenties. There are a few possibilities.

Option 1 is that he really really loved you and couldn't see himself moving on with life without you so he decided to marry you. Why bother to go back out to the dating scene if you already found what you want?

Option 2 he was raised that way in the sense that his father and mother taught him that he wouldn't find happiness until he found a wife. This type is what i call the "ring in the back pocket" type. He knows he wants to get married. It's just a matter of WHO. He approaches almost every relationship as if this is it. I have a friend of mine who is like that. He's what some call a serial monogamist. I dont know this for a fact but it seems like he's at least moved in with every woman he ever dated. Like seriously he meets you today and within 4-6 months he's ready to move in and a little over a year from now he alreay got the ring and just planning on how to propose. Come to think of it i know another dude who's like that too but we arent close like that. But yeah every chick he goes on a date with is a candidate to be his wife.

Option 3 He wanted to start a family and found a good match in you as he he felt that you would be a great partner and someone he loves to start said family with. That was my father's approach IMO.

But all these rules go out the window for latinos, tho. It's in their culture to get married early. Like really by 16,17 they have probably met the person they are gonna marry.

 

[Motife43]

Got a friend who is going on 38...she told me the other day 'being a strong independent woman is getting old'



Got a homie from college...37....makes 6 figures a year BEFORE bonuses, home - 2 cars and travels out of the USA at least 2-3 times a year. He's running through young and old ladies at a blinding pace in the last month he's brought 6 different over for dinner with me and my wife

nikka bout to have your wife saying "stop bringing all these women in my home"

 

[cocoabutter27]

it's very rare that men get married early in their early twenties. There are a few possibilities.

Option 1 is that he really really loved you and couldn't see himself moving on with life without you so he decided to marry you. Why bother to go back out to the dating scene if you already found what you want?

Option 2 he was raised that way in the sense that his father and mother taught him that he wouldn't find happiness until he found a wife. This type is what i call the "ring in the back pocket" type. He knows he wants to get married. It's just a matter of WHO. He approaches almost every relationship as if this is it. I have a friend of mine who is like that. He's what some call a serial monogamist. I dont know this for a fact but it seems like he's at least moved in with every woman he ever dated. Like seriously he meets you today and within 4-6 months he's ready to move in and a little over a year from now he alreay got the ring and just planning on how to propose. Come to think of it i know another dude who's like that too but we arent close like that. But yeah every chick he goes on a date with is a candidate to be his wife.

Option 3 He wanted to start a family and found a good match in you as he he felt that you would be a great partner and someone he loves to start said family with. That was my father's approach IMO.

But all these rules go out the window for latinos, tho. It's in their culture to get married early. Like really by 16,17 they have probably met the person they are gonna marry.

It was all of the options lol. But he was 26 when we got married, so he had a little time to himself.

Eta: regarding option 2, men and women who want to get married date with the intention of doing so. They aren't playing around with it. My husband had a personal goal of being a husband and father.