I'm gonna do a local standup using nothing but stolen jokes from the Coli

[Pool_Shark]

You have to go over the Courtdog mattress. That needs to be your closer

 

[newworldafro]

Havoc? Comedy material?

*Approaches stage...as applause goes down*....

Hey folks, yall know I was out of town the other day, and went out to grab a bite to eat....but then realized I left my wallet at the hotel which was a good 3 miles away. I was like ....I guess I'll have to go mope on back to the hotel.....but then folks.....this is when you know humans are truly wiley creatures *smiles*..... I had the notion that I would ... umm step on a poor little cricket and use that as .... ummm... how shall we say currency... right... *laugh*...... so instead of going back to the hotel like a mature adult and getting the wallet, I sat down at the table, let the waitress order my drinnks and food ...and when the food was on the table I reached in my pocket, grab the poor insect corpse, dropped it oh so surreptitiously in my food mixed it up and .... yeah ..... *audience giggling*...... continued around the cricket buried in breans and rice and paprika.... *audience on hyena level*. So I prepare for my Oscar moment folks...I dip the fork right about where I buried the cricket, until I see the thorax and yell out so other people nearby can hear me say "DAMNIT, this is disgusting". looking real salty in the face. Folks look over and know something is wrong... I wait a few seconds, and see the waitress in the area, calling her over and tell her there is a cricket in my food and I need to see the manager immediately, cause I'm about ready to report this mess. The manager comes over sees my face and see my disgust and says he will not only give me another plate, but its on the house ... with dessert.............. ..... *crowd goes wild*...... folks this was the lowest form of adulthood......but hey I left my wallet.....


^^^ Havoc got material....its just how you present.....there is comedy gold up here....hell I might just do that routine...make a few bucks.... (throws reality in the bushes)

 

[kash10003]

havoc is basically a broke larry david

 

[Willy Waffle]

nikkka with all the ridicluous shyt that been on here you can't come up with something.

from nikkkas simping fat white bytches in tlr
nikkkas living high school fantasies talking bout they can beat kobe and bron 1 on 1 in the colisieum
from stan ass rapper talkin bout they would take a bullet for there rappers in the booth
weirdo ass pervs talkin bout tranny porn is the goat in the jbo
to these so call scholars in the higher learning saying mlk was a whiteman disguised as a black man

nikkka this shyt place is literally a 24/7 comic view with johnny knoxville types mothafukkkas

 

[ugksam]

you want to do stand up but you dont want to write material? i wanna do stand up and i write my own shyt, i sometimes will take my bits and jokes and work them into posts here but usually i dont cause i dont want to go on stage and have people think "hey i read this online"

also most of the stuff you read on here would prolly not work as a stand up act

 

[A Friend of The People]

you want to do stand up but you dont want to write material? i wanna do stand up and i write my own shyt, i sometimes will take my bits and jokes and work them into posts here but usually i dont cause i dont want to go on stage and have people think "hey i read this online"

also most of the stuff you read on here would prolly not work as a stand up act

Once you have the concept and the punchline of a joke in theory simply rewriting it with comedic pauses and emphasis is not as difficult as it may seem breh.

The type of humor here would actually be perfect for a standup if incorporated and delivered properly

 

[marcuz]

i ghost write for corey holcombs holla at me if you need a bit

 

[ugksam]

Once you have the concept and the punchline of a joke in theory simply rewriting it with comedic pauses and emphasis is not as difficult as it may seem breh.

The type of humor here would actually be perfect for a standup if incorporated and delivered properly

do you have some examples of threads you would use?

 

[MBwithadream]

Of course re-written with strategic comedic timing, but all topics and funny punchlines taken mostly word for word from here

Already have about 5 minutes of material, help me out y'all whats some of the funniest ideas/observations/ shyt you've seen here?

If it blows up I'll send you free tickets

I wanted to be a comedian, too.

 

[A Friend of The People]

do you have some examples of threads you would use?

Not any threads off top my head but I could probably use the whole JBO forum as an example....there's atleast a few jokes in there

 

[MBwithadream]

you want to do stand up but you dont want to write material? i wanna do stand up and i write my own shyt, i sometimes will take my bits and jokes and work them into posts here but usually i dont cause i dont want to go on stage and have people think "hey i read this online"

also most of the stuff you read on here would prolly not work as a stand up act

Any thing can work, but you got to have stage presense, style, & importantly the look of professional.

 

[MBwithadream]

*Approaches stage...as applause goes down*....

Hey folks, yall know I was out of town the other day, and went out to grab a bite to eat....but then realized I left my wallet at the hotel which was a good 3 miles away. I was like ....I guess I'll have to go mope on back to the hotel.....but then folks.....this is when you know humans are truly wiley creatures *smiles*..... I had the notion that I would ... umm step on a poor little cricket and use that as .... ummm... how shall we say currency... right... *laugh*...... so instead of going back to the hotel like a mature adult and getting the wallet, I sat down at the table, let the waitress order my drinnks and food ...and when the food was on the table I reached in my pocket, grab the poor insect corpse, dropped it oh so surreptitiously in my food mixed it up and .... yeah ..... *audience giggling*...... continued around the cricket buried in breans and rice and paprika.... *audience on hyena level*. So I prepare for my Oscar moment folks...I dip the fork right about where the I buried the cricket, until I see the thorax and yell out so other people nearby can hear me say "DAMNIT, this is disgusting". looking real salty in the face. Folks look over and know something is wrong... I wait a few seconds, and see the waitress in the area, calling her over and tell her there is a cricket in my food and I need to see the manager immediately, cause I'm about ready to report this mess. The manager comes over sees my face and see my disgust and says he will not only give me another plate, but its on the house ... with dessert.............. ..... *crowd goes wild*...... folks this was the lowest form of adulthood......but hey I left my wallet.....


^^^ Havoc got material....its just how you present.....there is comedy gold up here....hell I might just do that routine...make a few bucks.... (throws reality in the bushes)

That sounds wack. Are you tryin to overcross?

 

[ugksam]

Any thing can work, but you got to have stage presense, style, & importantly the look of professional.

anything? really? just go up and have confidence and style and say anything? naw pretty sure that wont work.

 

[Black]

Havoc threads and buckeye threads all u need & General Mills

 

[Jesus Is Lord]

I have material for days