Men on Women DV
Since this was the OP, I'll start with it, and yes it's really common to the point of almost normality. Just a quick scan of men in my family who I've known have had an incident they laid hands on a woman:
Myself, a grandfather, an uncle, both fathers, a brother
And in between relationships formed thru the years, I've met countless men who were friends, associates, coworkers, who had at least one incident they put hands on a woman...
I've become of the belief that there are more men who have an incident like this, than men who have NEVER laid hands on a woman. It disturbs me and I don't know why it's this way, but for the brothers who never got violent with a woman, yall are in the minority...
When I look at women I've dated and been friends with, most of them (more than 50%) report having had at least one violent episode with a man putting hands on them...
Now I want to say this, I do believe the ratio of men who just beat women regularly is much lower than guys who've had a time or few hitting a woman. I dont believe most guys are woman beaters, and no, I dont believe because you hit a woman once or a couple times makes you a woman beater, this is stereotypical and ignores a myriad of factors that should be taken into account...
Dudes who hit on women for the fukk of it certainly exist but these aren't the majority of men...
The biggest problem with men who find ourselves in domestic violence, is a lack of emotional maturity, we tend to not know when we reach a breaking point, we don't know how to resolve conflict well, and we don't know how to end these relationships that incite violence...
I have no issue speaking from personal experience. I've harmed two women I've dated. The first, I was in my early 20s, dated her for 10-11 months, and had three violent incidents. She was older than me, had previous violent relationships, was violent herself...
To my recollection the first incident she was really flexing on me like she could beat me up, mushed/pushed me a few times, so I snatched her into a bear hug and didn't let her go for a few minutes while talking shyt to her. Second incident, arguing about something that included her cheating, she tried walking away from me and laying down with her kids, I grabbed her, we started wrestling and I tackled and pinned her to the floor...
Third incident argument about something, she pulled over and told me to get out her car, reached over and opened my door and started trying to push me out, so I punched her a couple times and snatched her hair...
The second woman I harmed was the mother of my two oldest daughters, we were together 4.5 years and had three incidents: first, she snapped on me about something, pressed me like she was gonna whip on me but didn't touch me, I tackled her and pinned her to the floor...
Second incident she followed me room to room when I was trying to dead a situation, did the hand claps and name calling, told her to leave me alone and she ran down on me, I grabbed her and swung her into the wall, denting the wall and pinning her to the floor again...
Third incident, followed me room to room, threw shyt at me, punched, slapped, scratched me, sprayed me with Raid, so I grabbed her in a rear chokehold, lowered her to the floor, held her there...
This third incident occurred March 2020, I'm currently on probation for this and in a men's domestic violence class until November 29...
Six times I've physically hurt two women I've dated. I'll gladly get into similarities and responsibilities of those women below, but as a man, and as men, I think we have the responsibility for understanding that we can't devolve into that. First of all, most women can't beat up most men, for that alone understanding we can physically harm them more has to be a deterrent. Second of all, a weak man can't control his emotions, and nothing is weaker than a man who can't walk away from a woman provoking him to violence, ESPECIALLY these being women we LOVE...
I was a weak man in all of these scenarios. I'm not one of these cats who thinks sometimes a chick needs her ass beat, never was, but there are brothers and even plenty of women who ascribe to this. I dont judge them, but if you're a man who feels like you have to beat on a woman sometimes, that means you're controlling and that's an issue...
Male on female domestic violence is common. It isnt moral but it's one of these "facts of life" things, more than 50% of the women you know have been assaulted by a man, and more than 50% of the men you know have assaulted a woman they dated before. Whether you know it or not, because the crime of domestic violence is underreported on both ends and most men, aren't going to openly tell you, yeah I beat up my bytch before, unless you're in jail circles or on the block---->most dudes not sitting in jail...
It’s not rare at all, wtf.
