Adebisi_Said
Truth is Power
Crispy will give us all of the answers when Fatherless America comes out.
Is Fatherlessness A Black Women's Problem, or A Black Males' Problem?
- Thread starter bcrusaderw
- Start date
Adebisi_Said
Truth is Power
Using crispy to refer to a black personEven if he is the GOAT c00n.
"Yes indeed"
PlainSight
Anon
It's a dual problem - from before the very conception, people have a poor understanding of relationship dynamics and go into things blind. They have a child together before they really analyze whether their pairing is going to work out long term. This doesn't always lead to "fatherlessness" - my father has been separated from my mother since I was 1, yet he is still a prominent figure in my life and my mother never prevented me from seeing him. However, in many cases, the relationships are so poorly managed that loved ones suddenly become bitter enemies and the children inevitably become collateral damage.
To me, it's not as simple as women just choosing "deadbeats" - not that it doesn't happen, but it's an overblown argument IMO and used to paint the entire thing. It's simply poorly managed relationships that are usually lust-driven. I understand that sexual attraction is more important now, and at least is not neglected, but in a lot of cases, it becomes the be-all and end-all. It cannot carry a relationship, and it most certainly isn't a factor when it comes to raising children.
I think existing parents should emphasize this to their children by not just telling them about safe sex and shyt, but in educating them about relationship dynamics and how important it is for the couple to be in sync and able to manage their inevitable differences, mechanics of power within the relationship, and the cycles between friction and comfort. This is very rarely done, which is why children are often left at the mercy of failed relations between their parents.
To me, it's not as simple as women just choosing "deadbeats" - not that it doesn't happen, but it's an overblown argument IMO and used to paint the entire thing. It's simply poorly managed relationships that are usually lust-driven. I understand that sexual attraction is more important now, and at least is not neglected, but in a lot of cases, it becomes the be-all and end-all. It cannot carry a relationship, and it most certainly isn't a factor when it comes to raising children.
I think existing parents should emphasize this to their children by not just telling them about safe sex and shyt, but in educating them about relationship dynamics and how important it is for the couple to be in sync and able to manage their inevitable differences, mechanics of power within the relationship, and the cycles between friction and comfort. This is very rarely done, which is why children are often left at the mercy of failed relations between their parents.
Blackout
just your usual nerdy brotha
Yes
It seems that way.... That is a problem among certain Black males, you know, the ones you and other African American women are attracted too.... Black men like myself wouldn't abandon our children/women but lo and behold African American women aren't into guys like me.... and that is due to them being extremely shallow!
The type you're physically attracted too....
Both, I know plenty of black women who lay up with black men, knowing they have children from other women they don't take care of.
I do put most of the blame on the men though, stop having children and abandoning them. Condoms are a lot cheaper than birth control.
I do put most of the blame on the men though, stop having children and abandoning them. Condoms are a lot cheaper than birth control.
Ehhh I can't put most of the blame on men, especially when you know how most men are gonna act if it comes down to it, given the option to disappear and have someone else take responsibility they are going to do that... I think women would do the same thing if it was a option really. If it was random between men and women who carried a baby. You'd see women disappear just as much as men.
Anyway Women have too much power when it comes to sex to let any old dude lay up with them. I mean its up to you all to choose who you let smash. So choose wisely...
On a much smaller scale, That would be like me putting most of the blame on walmart for not having more lanes open when clearly should...but I know what to expect when going in there. I'ma go in hoping its different most times, but I can't blame walmart for making me late or holding me up when I know how they operate and there are other choices out there I can go with.
Men are supposed to be leaders, why wouldn't most of the blame be put on them?
Especially when theit options for birth control only cost around 3.99 at Walgreens while women have to pay 50-100 dollars a month plus yearly doctor appts for any type of birth control (unless they're using female condoms and how often do you find those on shelves).
Men are supposed to be leaders, why wouldn't most of the blame be put on them?
Especially when theit options for birth control only cost around 3.99 at Walgreens while women have to pay 50-100 dollars a month plus yearly doctor appts for any type of birth control (unless they're using female condoms and how often do you find those on shelves).
Men are suppose to lead and protect, but clearly all these "men" aint built for that life...
I'm just saying when you know you got something of value that you know people want, you got to be more selective of who you let deal with it, especially when you have to deal with the fallout of the situation alone potentially. No different that letting random people in your house and then getting mad when someone robs you of all your hard work.
Yeah men should take care of there kids, and people shouldn't steal..... It just doesn't work like that. So you as a woman and me as a home owner gotta be careful with who we choose to let in. Sure you can get got at any given time, but the smarter you are about the situation the better.
Because you're a weirdo.
Men cant lead shyt when p*ssy is involved apparentlyMen are supposed to be leaders, why wouldn't most of the blame be put on them?
Especially when theit options for birth control only cost around 3.99 at Walgreens while women have to pay 50-100 dollars a month plus yearly doctor appts for any type of birth control (unless they're using female condoms and how often do you find those on shelves).
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and that makes me worse than the guys that are currently abandoning their kids?............. ok...
agnosticlady
AL loves da kids : )
That was my point. I've seen husbands abandon their family over nothing, but that is very very rare. What I see happening is people entering weak unstable relationships, getting pregnant, breaking up, and then the child is born out of wedlock. It is happening way too much. I live in a black suburbia and I come across too many young black ladies in this situation. What kills me is when they have a second and third child without getting married. Then they go on a men ain't shyt, I don't need a man mantra, but YOU chose to let him run up in you knowing damn well he aint shyt. That I can not defend or condone. We have to hold our sisters to higher standard so that they can do better.
Men are supposed to be leaders, why wouldn't most of the blame be put on them?
Especially when theit options for birth control only cost around 3.99 at Walgreens while women have to pay 50-100 dollars a month plus yearly doctor appts for any type of birth control (unless they're using female condoms and how often do you find those on shelves).
Key word there is "supposed".
Expect every Black man to be a leader, brehettes.
Expect Black men who demonstrate no leadership qualities prior to knocking you up to magically transform into seasoned leaders of households afterward, brehettes.
Chase after nikkas who are proven followers (chasing trends, etc.) and be surprised when they are not leaders, brehettes.
If you're after a nikka that's a carbon copy of every other nikka out here, you don't have a leader on your hands. Yet, you expect him to lead when the time comes?
Leaders aren't followers. Followers aren't leaders. Vast majority of these nikkas yall get wet over are followers (same tats, same cuts, same wardrobes, same cars, same shoes, etc. as the next nikka).
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