Is it wrong to cheat if your wife stops giving you some?

Elle Driver

Elle Driver

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At the beginning of mean streets
wickedsm said:
It's wrong to cheat

But I believe it's worse to refuse sexual intimacy. It's abusive to arbitrarily change the relationship norms and then refuse to discuss or repair it.

Sadly I think this is only a temporary fix and won't help at all in the long run.

Sure he's getting a nut here and there but that doesn't fix the fact that he loves this woman and has committed to a life with her and clearly she doesn't value him, his feelings, his wants and needs and his commitment to her.

Ideally if he's done all the trying that he can and she refuses to meet him halfway, he needs to divorce.

It will be better for him emotionally which will make him a better father long term.
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I think cheating and refusing sex is on the same level. Don't think ones worse than the other.
 
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MarloStanTrill

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Colicat said:
"Good morning, Shirley and Steve, I have a serious problem. I have been married for 4 years now, and we have a 3-year old son. Everything has been going well: we both make good money, take trips often, she lets me hang out with the boys with no problems, and vice versa.

I spoil my wife all of the time. She gets whatever she wants. I take care of our son, cook, clean, while she goes out with her friends, sometimes every weekend.
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Bold and in 7 Font so you can see what you did wrong

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SunZoo

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Thr problem isn't cheating IMO, it's human beings still trying to force themselves to be monogamous when it's just not realistic.

Ideally in the future, people will understand that libido comes and goes and the idea that just because you love/are pair bonded with a person doesn't mean you are cut off from experiencing everybody else on earth sexually. I don't condone the lying and "cheating" but it really stems from the fact that monogamy for most people is something they force themselves to do. How else do you react to this situation knowing that it's very likely that if you truthfully communicate your needs to your partner that your whole life could be ruined? None of that moral clause shyt negates your biology.

Men don't feel safe being honest, that's not women's fault but just imagine if it wasn't taboo to acknowledge that you loving/pair boding with a person doesn't negate all physical attraction or desire.
 
SheWantTheD

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I say yes but many people step out of their relationships when their not getting any.
 
NinoBrown

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No, it isn't. The wife is obligated to hold up her end of the bargain (pun intended). Men need sex just as much as a plant needs water, without it, our essence withers and dies away.


Wives need to know that if he isn't getting it at home, he will get it somewhere else. One of my boys is a CPA, does right by his wife, but her sex drive is non-existant after children (he has 3 pre-teens).

So he has a full on mistress at work and the wife and her know about each other...
They are all cool with the situation...5 years now...

Rare, but it happens. For me, it happened in a few of my ltrs and I just went elsewhere and it ended in disaster, but that was all on them....
 
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Personally, I don't believe him. Whenever somebody presents a problem they are NEVER going to tell you about what they've done to fukk up the dynamic.

Women don't just stop wanting to have sex with our partners. Hormones can play a role, (I.e. BC KILLS SEX DRIVE).

More than likely there is a MAJOR disconnect. It could be his performance and if he is the type of man who doesn't take constructive criticism well and he sucks in bed, then it's tiresome for a woman to have a man huff and puff on top of her while barely wet, he nuts and she just have to wait it out frustrated until he falls asleep so she can run to the next room to masturbate. Rinse and repeat.

It could also be because he isn't emotionally connected to her. Sometimes men don't listen. They do what they think we should want while ignoring what we say we need. You can give her what you think makes her happy all day long, but what if she wants to actually spend the weekends with him. Men can be masters at manipulatively giving. "Well I give her time to hang with her girlfriends on the weekend" is translation for "I just wanna hang with my boys and get rid of her." They give not to make their partners happy but to fulfill other agendas.

However none of this excuses her gravest mistake: not communicating.
Don't care if it's embarrassing, don't care if it hurts, don't care if u don't feel like it. Talk to the one your with.
 
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MadameMoreaux

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StickStickly said:
I don't think it's a case of "playing with men". Men forget that women have a different reproductive system than them. It's been proven over and over that sex drive can significantly decrease after the birth of a child. It's not from the exhaustion of having a child or thinking "I have my kid now I'm done". Most women aren't thinking of that, they're aren't thinking about sex at all because their hormonal system has changed. Think about it: your entire system is rearranged after childbirth, from your hormones to your uterus and vagina, to the way your brains works in switching to a maternal mindset subconsciously. None of these things are a choice and often people can't put their finger on what's wrong. The wife not wanting sex now is as natural to her as the man wanting sex. This is why the single childless woman is hornier- her body hasn't gone through the same trauma. some women's bodies just change after pregnancy and childbirth. The problem is it breaks their social agreement. Whether that means he should have sex outside the marriage is debatable, but she's not trying to hold his hostage in an evil, manipulative manner. She just doesn't want it anymore.
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This hits the nail on the head. I'll admit, there are plenty of times when I engage sex with my husband not because I want it, but because it's my obligation as his wife. I realize that men are very sensitive to sex and not having it can profoundly affect them psychologically. I've told myself that once a week is mandatory. Twice is preferable, but when you have children it gets very difficult. There's a section in the Quran that speaks on this and encourages women to nurture their husbands and be kind to them. Sex is a man's weakness.
 
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