Job Interview Horror Stories

[Collateral]

This was couple years back when I had no job experience besides McDonalds Applied to this mall security job at a "upscale" mall. Rich ass people shop there, all types of ball players, rappers, etc go there to shop.

I get there like 30 minutes late because the mall is big as shyt and I couldn't find the damn security office . I was nervous the whole time too, I wasn't prepared at all. So I get there or whatever, I meet one of the guards there, some beige manlet nikka. Brolic as fukk. Cool dude, we chop it up for a little bit because there was someone being interviewed when I got there. I tell the bull that I was nervous as shyt and he was like just relax you got this.

I get inside the office where the supervisor was at and my nikka my heart almost came up out of my mouth. Dude was big as shyt. Sitting at the desk looking like this nikka.

I was already nervous as is and this big ass nikka and his manlet security guard were just grilling me with hardball questions like

"Why security"

"This is a large mall. We have all kinds of celebrities that frequent here. Do you think you will be able to protect everyone as well as our assets?"

The whole time I was studdering and had hella long gaps in sentences because I didn't know what to say.

I guess they had enough and ended with "We'll call you". I never heard back from them, surprise surprise

 

[JAY?]

What field? You can have 5 years of experience in flipping fries, don't mean you deserve more than $10.00 per hour

In construction
Low voltage
My first job in the field with no experience I started at $16

 

[Bunchy Carter]

This was literally my first interview out of college. It's all going well. Meet a bunch of managers

Last manager says, this is great, you're a great fit, salary would be $30,000, in Brooklyn mind you.

I spent the whole fukking day there.

They called me a week later, didn't even pick up the phone.

You trippin bruh, 30k in New York, you would be living like a king.

 

[J.E.T.S]

The interview has never been an issue for me, except for the unanticipated evaluation questions...

It's the damn background check that use to have me sweating. Misdemeanors galore! Open cases n' shyt. They'd call me in for that second interview for the official app, drug, and background... I use to be sweating, face shining, eyes red, lips quivering...

 

[TL15]

A young breh stayed getting finessed in these San Diego streets when I was fresh outta college

I went on an interview from a company off craigslist (I know but cause craigs has also helped a breh eat)

job listing said something like "Route Delivery Driver" and "salary plus commission" so I was llike I'm going for it

I call in

"so and so meat company"

"Umm...excuse me sir I'm calling about the delivery driver position"

"great show up tomorrow at 8 AM and we can do the interview... If you like the position you can do a ride along"

I get off the phone like

Spoiler: "interview"

I show up early to the location and I notice there's middle aged dudes, dropout looking dudes, and a bunch of trucks...all with some meat company magnet on the side. I'm thinking "" but I go in and interview

The manager is screaming "it's not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog" and some other motivational BS

He calls me in and says "You here for the interview?"

Mind you I'm in slacks and a t-shirt and tie and holding my "portfolio"

I say "yea "

He says "well here we don't really interview...if you can drive a truck and sell... you got the job... do a ride along with Reggie (the only black guy) to see if you can do this... it pays $10 an hour OR commission"

Spoiler: Ride along

So I climb in this breh's truck and he says "hey... ditch the tie"

so we start driving and I'm asking him questions. First off...this truck is musty AF and homie is like "you wanna spark one "

I tell him "naw I'm good" on some Training Day shyt thinking he's testing me and I immediately think "damn what if I fycked up by saying no "


No joke homie says "more for me" and pulls out a fat blunt and is smoking it while driving

I ask him about the job and the "salary" and he hits the meanest right in my face... "salary? " you make what you sell

So I ask him about the "route" and he hits the on me and says "it ain't no route...you go wherever you can sell this shyt"

so now I'm about this whole gig and I know homie ain't gonna just take me back to the office.

This nygga is driving around to every shopping center, every small business, mom and pop restaurant trying to sell fukking meat out of the cooler of his truck

talkinbout "we got these Omaha steaks, flash frozen, high quality"

craziest part is that there is no "set" price. As long as you sell it above whatever the retail is, you keep the profit. He starts the price at like $200 for two packs of steaks and burgers and then drops it all the way down to $75 for both packs . He says "shyt all I made was $15 for an hour of haggling "

I go in to a few of the stores with the breh...one time I'm his "younger brother" when he is at a barbershop , next time he's the owner and I'm his trainee , just pure foolishness.

I keep telling this dude "yo...take me back" and he's on some "nah... maybe a little later... I gotta get this bread... I'll run you back in the afternoon..."

Funniest story about the ride along is when we went into a beauty shop and homie was trying to sell meat to the owner and customers and used the line "if you were selling these steaks in here...maybe you'd be able to get better clientele"

We went into a gated community of mobile homes and he was hustling door to door talking bout it was a "goldmine" because there were so many people there... he was bargaining with these old ass white people on a fixed income on some " We ended up getting chased out by security because he called some lady a bytch after she said "no solicitors "

I finally told breh I would buy a fyckin pack of steaks off him if he took me back to my car... as soon as I got out that truck I went to my car and zoomed out

 

[Doobie Doo]

Worst one I messed up on purpose was with a Tech company. I remember the interview cuz it was a half day interview from 10AM-2PM and I remember being extra pissed because I was fighting a sinus infection with a 101 degree fever and thought it was ridiculous to take up that much time for a 1st interview. Was in a full suit, in the middle of spring 80 degree weather with a 101 fever, I was covered in sweat the whole time. It was a team interview with a group of 8 people. First two hours they walk us around the whole building, now physical activity on top of my suit, 80 degree weather and fever.

Once they explain the job, cold calling and lots of it, I thought I wanted to do it but then they started talking about team atmosphere and how we are expected to hang after work. Participate in after work activities and that is dependent on our employment. "We have people we let go who made their quotas but didn't participate." It was a wrap I didn't give a fukk.

So the last hiring manager is supposed to be the "COOL" one. The others grill but he's supposed to be the easy going one you can "Be yourself" with. You already knows its a ploy to see you with your guard down. I know I don't want this job so I play along. He ask me what I do outside of work, I told him the truth. At the time I was doing standup heavy so I told him comedian. He asked me to do a joke. I proceeded to do two minutes of my filthy act hoping it would disgust him, it worked. "So I broke up with my girlfriend, I let her borrow my car and she blew a speaker in my whip. He was a motivational speaker." Dude was at the same time. And I just kept doing all this dirty jokes I wrote. shyt was epic. I lost a job but gained a fan.

 

[J.E.T.S]

Worst one I messed up on purpose was with a Tech company. I remember the interview cuz it was a half day interview from 10AM-2PM and I remember being extra pissed because I was fighting a sinus infection with a 101 degree fever and thought it was ridiculous to take up that much time for a 1st interview. Was in a full suit, in the middle of spring 80 degree weather with a 101 fever, I was covered in sweat the whole time. It was a team interview with a group of 8 people. First two hours they walk us around the whole building, now physical activity on top of my suit, 80 degree weather and fever.

Once they explain the job, cold calling and lots of it, I thought I wanted to do it but then they started talking about team atmosphere and how we are expected to hang after work. Participate in after work activities and that is dependent on our employment. "We have people we let go who made their quotas but didn't participate." It was a wrap I didn't give a fukk.

So the last hiring manager is supposed to be the "COOL" one. The others grill but he's supposed to be the easy going one you can "Be yourself" with. You already knows its a ploy to see you with your guard down. I know I don't want this job so I play along. He ask me what I do outside of work, I told him the truth. At the time I was doing standup heavy so I told him comedian. He asked me to do a joke. I proceeded to do two minutes of my filthy act hoping it would disgust him, it worked. "So I broke up with my girlfriend, I let her borrow my car and she blew a speaker in my whip. He was a motivational speaker." Dude was at the same time. And I just kept doing all this dirty jokes I wrote. shyt was epic. I lost a job but gained a fan.

Lmfaoooooo!!

 

[The M.I.C.]

Basically the same flow as OP but it was a face to face interview and when I got caught, I started sweating profusely.. I got so pissed off on the fact that dude caught me and that I was sweating buckets that I asked the dude to step outside for a fade off reflex.

Breh threw up the and had security escort me off the premises. These nikkas actually followed me in my car to make sure I left the grounds completely.

 

[2CT]

A young breh stayed getting finessed in these San Diego streets when I was fresh outta college

I went on an interview from a company off craigslist (I know but cause craigs has also helped a breh eat)

job listing said something like "Route Delivery Driver" and "salary plus commission" so I was llike I'm going for it

I call in

"so and so meat company"

"Umm...excuse me sir I'm calling about the delivery driver position"

"great show up tomorrow at 8 AM and we can do the interview... If you like the position you can do a ride along"

I get off the phone like

Spoiler: "interview"

I show up early to the location and I notice there's middle aged dudes, dropout looking dudes, and a bunch of trucks...all with some meat company magnet on the side. I'm thinking "" but I go in and interview

The manager is screaming "it's not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog" and some other motivational BS

He calls me in and says "You here for the interview?"

Mind you I'm in slacks and a t-shirt and tie and holding my "portfolio"

I say "yea "

He says "well here we don't really interview...if you can drive a truck and sell... you got the job... do a ride along with Reggie (the only black guy) to see if you can do this... it pays $10 an hour OR commission"

Spoiler: Ride along

So I climb in this breh's truck and he says "hey... ditch the tie"

so we start driving and I'm asking him questions. First off...this truck is musty AF and homie is like "you wanna spark one "

I tell him "naw I'm good" on some Training Day shyt thinking he's testing me and I immediately think "damn what if I fycked up by saying no "


No joke homie says "more for me" and pulls out a fat blunt and is smoking it while driving

I ask him about the job and the "salary" and he hits the meanest right in my face... "salary? " you make what you sell

So I ask him about the "route" and he hits the on me and says "it ain't no route...you go wherever you can sell this shyt"

so now I'm about this whole gig and I know homie ain't gonna just take me back to the office.

This nygga is driving around to every shopping center, every small business, mom and pop restaurant trying to sell fukking meat out of the cooler of his truck

talkinbout "we got these Omaha steaks, flash frozen, high quality"

craziest part is that there is no "set" price. As long as you sell it above whatever the retail is, you keep the profit. He starts the price at like $200 for two packs of steaks and burgers and then drops it all the way down to $75 for both packs . He says "shyt all I made was $15 for an hour of haggling "

I go in to a few of the stores with the breh...one time I'm his "younger brother" when he is at a barbershop , next time he's the owner and I'm his trainee , just pure foolishness.

I keep telling this dude "yo...take me back" and he's on some "nah... maybe a little later... I gotta get this bread... I'll run you back in the afternoon..."

Funniest story about the ride along is when we went into a beauty shop and homie was trying to sell meat to the owner and customers and used the line "if you were selling these steaks in here...maybe you'd be able to get better clientele"

We went into a gated community of mobile homes and he was hustling door to door talking bout it was a "goldmine" because there were so many people there... he was bargaining with these old ass white people on a fixed income on some " We ended up getting chased out by security because he called some lady a bytch after she said "no solicitors "

I finally told breh I would buy a fyckin pack of steaks off him if he took me back to my car... as soon as I got out that truck I went to my car and zoomed out

this would make a dope ass movie

 

[2CT]

Basically the same flow as OP but it was a face to face interview and when I got caught, I started sweating profusely.. I got so pissed off on the fact that dude caught me and that I was sweating buckets that I asked the dude to step outside for a fade off reflex.

Breh threw up the and had security escort me off the premises. These nikkas actually followed me in my car to make sure I left the grounds completely.

 

[TL15]

this would make a dope ass movie

Trust me bruh it was not dope...maybe a funny ass comedy but that was one of the longest most boring days of my life...

 

[patscorpio]

Subs for later

 

[SadimirPutin]

this thread is definitely going into the rafters

these shyts are fukking hilarious

 

[MillionMills]

A young breh stayed getting finessed in these San Diego streets when I was fresh outta college

I went on an interview from a company off craigslist (I know but cause craigs has also helped a breh eat)

job listing said something like "Route Delivery Driver" and "salary plus commission" so I was llike I'm going for it

I call in

"so and so meat company"

"Umm...excuse me sir I'm calling about the delivery driver position"

"great show up tomorrow at 8 AM and we can do the interview... If you like the position you can do a ride along"

I get off the phone like

Spoiler: "interview"

I show up early to the location and I notice there's middle aged dudes, dropout looking dudes, and a bunch of trucks...all with some meat company magnet on the side. I'm thinking "" but I go in and interview

The manager is screaming "it's not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog" and some other motivational BS

He calls me in and says "You here for the interview?"

Mind you I'm in slacks and a t-shirt and tie and holding my "portfolio"

I say "yea "

He says "well here we don't really interview...if you can drive a truck and sell... you got the job... do a ride along with Reggie (the only black guy) to see if you can do this... it pays $10 an hour OR commission"

Spoiler: Ride along

So I climb in this breh's truck and he says "hey... ditch the tie"

so we start driving and I'm asking him questions. First off...this truck is musty AF and homie is like "you wanna spark one "

I tell him "naw I'm good" on some Training Day shyt thinking he's testing me and I immediately think "damn what if I fycked up by saying no "


No joke homie says "more for me" and pulls out a fat blunt and is smoking it while driving

I ask him about the job and the "salary" and he hits the meanest right in my face... "salary? " you make what you sell

So I ask him about the "route" and he hits the on me and says "it ain't no route...you go wherever you can sell this shyt"

so now I'm about this whole gig and I know homie ain't gonna just take me back to the office.

This nygga is driving around to every shopping center, every small business, mom and pop restaurant trying to sell fukking meat out of the cooler of his truck

talkinbout "we got these Omaha steaks, flash frozen, high quality"

craziest part is that there is no "set" price. As long as you sell it above whatever the retail is, you keep the profit. He starts the price at like $200 for two packs of steaks and burgers and then drops it all the way down to $75 for both packs . He says "shyt all I made was $15 for an hour of haggling "

I go in to a few of the stores with the breh...one time I'm his "younger brother" when he is at a barbershop , next time he's the owner and I'm his trainee , just pure foolishness.

I keep telling this dude "yo...take me back" and he's on some "nah... maybe a little later... I gotta get this bread... I'll run you back in the afternoon..."

Funniest story about the ride along is when we went into a beauty shop and homie was trying to sell meat to the owner and customers and used the line "if you were selling these steaks in here...maybe you'd be able to get better clientele"

We went into a gated community of mobile homes and he was hustling door to door talking bout it was a "goldmine" because there were so many people there... he was bargaining with these old ass white people on a fixed income on some " We ended up getting chased out by security because he called some lady a bytch after she said "no solicitors "

I finally told breh I would buy a fyckin pack of steaks off him if he took me back to my car... as soon as I got out that truck I went to my car and zoomed out

Top 10 post of 2017

 

[The5thLetter]

@The5thLetter i know you got some stories about looking all angry and refusing to smile at the employer

absolutely not all my interviews go exceptionally well

however 2 ppl that applied to my dept cried in the interview. weird