Just got home from the Crazy house, drug detox, then hospital. (updated homeless for a night)
- Thread starter Cole Cash
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Stay strong Cole. Dealing with mental illness is tough
innocentdevil
:whoo:
fukk a 50.
Since we're all keeping in real in here, I almost fell victim to such a travesty in my youth.
I was lucky enough to catch myself by simply not fukking with them anymore but SWIM might allegedly bump them on occasion
its like being surrounded and nuzzled by a hundred cuddly soft chow puppies.Has anyone done Oxy.... whats it like
and makes you keep a hard-on FOREVER, like you literally can not nut. She gon' have to be a trooper
its like being surrounded and nuzzled by a hundred cuddly soft chow puppies.
and makes you keep a hard-on FOREVER, like you literally can not nut. She gon' have to be a trooper
breh hook a nikka upI don't surround myself with the white mans poison. Begin a constructive hobby instead of fueling the fire that burns the community frOm the feet up.
Non Sequitur
Creep.
fukk a 50.
Since we're all keeping in real in here, I almost fell victim to such a travesty in my youth.
I was lucky enough to catch myself by simply not fukking with them anymore but SWIM might allegedly bump them on occasion
I'll pay tripleI don't surround myself with the white mans poison. Begin a constructive hobby instead of fueling the fire that burns the community frOm the feet up.
i'm off some NorCal Norcos AND kratom right now..
Cole Cash
They took a hammer and sickle to my back
i would like to ask you guys respectfully not to turn this thread into a "im off this'' or whatever thread. you can do that anytime, but dont derail please.
Sorry for the delay but i literally slept in a homeless shelter saturday night and slept a long time.
In the drug detox, the fun and games stopped. i thought it would be a medicated detox, fukk no. its cold turkey and they treat you like a child. It was wack. the first day i got there i laid on the bench and fell asleep, i was still off that ativan when i got there. i woke up and some snow bunny was sitting on the bench,
i got registered and discovered there was nothing to do, they had a wack ass small tvroom with like 5 movies (nikkas watching rudy 50 times a day fukk that cac make a movie about jerome bettis fakkits) anyhow, the workers were cool but stern, i mean people kept complaining but the fact is, were addicts, if we werent, we wouldnt need to be controlled. I slept good the first night, also i aint gonna lie, as soon as i realized what had happened and how i had given up so much and burned through thousands of dollars and neglected to be a good family man and lost my family at that, i cried on that snow bunnys shoulder forgetting all about and 
i was legit emotional. how can you not be? she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me to stay strong. she was coming off that heroin. the first night though was solid, i thought it was only a 24 hour hold.
The next day some cool real nikkas showed up, as well as some straight liars. but the craziest shyt to show up was this kid walks in, i wont say anything about him because i legit could cause a problem for his career if i mention his name on here or school, but when i spoke to him i asked him how old he was he said 20. i asked him why he was here and he said sniffing oxy. he indicated he was a runningback division 1 for a school. he looked thin as hell, not super thin but not runningback big. i thought he might be full of shyt, i quizzed him, it all made out (when i finally got out and googled him on my phone, found out he is a legit prep star and is in ncaa 13 and 14 etc).
Looking at his school photo on the site he lost mad weight, good lord. it was noticable. I asked him if he wanted to go pro and he told me he just didnt care about football anymore. it was sad.
The next day i was awoken by this ugly ass burnt out 56 year old crack head who was yelling and all that shyt. i was mad as fukk i finally fell asleep and this broad was uuuugh. i slept like 3 hours and that was it. Also, the snow bunny was sent to sobering and out of detox before me, so no more . the next day these dudes in there who were clearly ex cons etc were flexin, frontin and being dumb. it came to a point where during some of their obvious lies i began singing
" life is like a hurricane here in duck berg" and "we rewrite history! ducktales woooo ooo!"
lmao. since i had no internet or nothing, or my mp3 player i kept reciting kool g rap and roc marciano lyrics in my head. i also thought of old coli and sohh threads that made me laugh. i have my art books (my degree is in art) to draw in but i hadnt had inspiration in literally 4 years so i was very rusty.
Eventually i was transferred to sobering which was a bit better. they had a bigger tv and area. the only problem is, there was this white dude in the room i was in. keep in mind, in detox its 20 to a bay, in sobering its 6 to a room. this white dude earlier indicated he was "OG COCO COUNTY" which is a white gang in prison who are basically peckerwoods, or woods. i shyt you not, when he said that, he was in a bed next to mine, i made it clear i wasnt having that shyt and if he had a problem with black people say so now and he can have the room to himself, he indicated it was all good and he just went with his race cuz he had too, i was good with that he gave me no problems.
I spent about 2 days here, then i got discharged. i then..ironically..ended up homeless for a night....
Sorry for the delay but i literally slept in a homeless shelter saturday night and slept a long time.
In the drug detox, the fun and games stopped. i thought it would be a medicated detox, fukk no. its cold turkey and they treat you like a child. It was wack. the first day i got there i laid on the bench and fell asleep, i was still off that ativan when i got there. i woke up and some snow bunny was sitting on the bench,
i got registered and discovered there was nothing to do, they had a wack ass small tvroom with like 5 movies (nikkas watching rudy 50 times a day fukk that cac make a movie about jerome bettis fakkits) anyhow, the workers were cool but stern, i mean people kept complaining but the fact is, were addicts, if we werent, we wouldnt need to be controlled. I slept good the first night, also i aint gonna lie, as soon as i realized what had happened and how i had given up so much and burned through thousands of dollars and neglected to be a good family man and lost my family at that, i cried on that snow bunnys shoulder forgetting all about
and i was legit emotional. how can you not be? she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me to stay strong. she was coming off that heroin. the first night though was solid, i thought it was only a 24 hour hold.The next day some cool real nikkas showed up, as well as some straight liars. but the craziest shyt to show up was this kid walks in, i wont say anything about him because i legit could cause a problem for his career if i mention his name on here or school, but when i spoke to him i asked him how old he was he said 20. i asked him why he was here and he said sniffing oxy. he indicated he was a runningback division 1 for a school. he looked thin as hell, not super thin but not runningback big. i thought he might be full of shyt, i quizzed him, it all made out (when i finally got out and googled him on my phone, found out he is a legit prep star and is in ncaa 13 and 14 etc).
Looking at his school photo on the site he lost mad weight, good lord. it was noticable. I asked him if he wanted to go pro and he told me he just didnt care about football anymore. it was sad.
The next day i was awoken by this ugly ass burnt out 56 year old crack head who was yelling and all that shyt. i was mad as fukk i finally fell asleep and this broad was uuuugh. i slept like 3 hours and that was it. Also, the snow bunny was sent to sobering and out of detox before me, so no more
. the next day these dudes in there who were clearly ex cons etc were flexin, frontin and being dumb. it came to a point where during some of their obvious lies i began singing" life is like a hurricane here in duck berg" and "we rewrite history! ducktales woooo ooo!"
lmao. since i had no internet or nothing, or my mp3 player i kept reciting kool g rap and roc marciano lyrics in my head. i also thought of old coli and sohh threads that made me laugh. i have my art books (my degree is in art) to draw in but i hadnt had inspiration in literally 4 years so i was very rusty.
Eventually i was transferred to sobering which was a bit better. they had a bigger tv and area. the only problem is, there was this white dude in the room i was in. keep in mind, in detox its 20 to a bay, in sobering its 6 to a room. this white dude earlier indicated he was "OG COCO COUNTY" which is a white gang in prison who are basically peckerwoods, or woods. i shyt you not, when he said that, he was in a bed next to mine, i made it clear i wasnt having that shyt and if he had a problem with black people say so now and he can have the room to himself, he indicated it was all good and he just went with his race cuz he had too, i was good with that he gave me no problems.
I spent about 2 days here, then i got discharged. i then..ironically..ended up homeless for a night....
FreshFromATL
Self Made
Cole Cash
They took a hammer and sickle to my back
When I was discharged from detox i had no real plan, only to get out into the world, i was there for five days. when i left a friend was nice enough to get me a free room in a nice hotel for the night. i stayed the night there, then made my way to my aunts house. its funny, i used to love sohh way back when because i loved the coliseum, but in recent years, i stopped caring about the nba, mlb etc and my interest in everything just stopped, i watched the rockets pacers blowout like it was a playoffs series lol. anyhow i made my way to my aunts, i had the same clothes on for literally a week so i washed them. a friend gave me a couple of shirts also.
then the despair set in, i couldnt stay at my aunts, not even for a night. i called evreryone, nobody would take me. i sure as hell cant stay with the mother of my child (we are definately on the outs for real all because of this among other things but this was one of the core reasons that lead to ALL the others).
So as a last resort, i had to go to a homeless shelter. 85 people, a gym, little mat, little area. i sat down. addicts everywhere. their whole goal was drugs. everyone had everything, heroin, norco, percs, meth, they had it all. not only was i not tempted i was disgusted. this was me but with my moms and familys money i stayed afloat. (i was evicted 3 times in 4 years).
Next to me though, this man walks in in a business suit, shined shoes, groomed as fukk. he takes a space next to mine. ill get to him in a second. i was getting something to eat when i see this latin girl, looked like a whore but she was wearing a halter top and capris. she looked cold. keep in mind i dont have much i said fukk it and gave her one of my sweaters (im thin right now i get cold easy) she thanked me. the sad part was her "dude" was this somewhat healthy brolic nikka who thanked me.
got damn, how you gonna have your bytches cold? i was ashamed.
anyhow, this dude who was next to me, turned out to be some former lead at oracle, i even googled him and it was real, dude really blew through millions, according to his linked in and some articles even dating back to 1994 he was at oracle for a LONG time, but alcoholism basically fukked him. sad. He talked with me for a bit as he viewed me as being educated and worth his time. he was 55, 5 kids, divorce (alimony is off the hook) they all living good but far away. hes got basically no one at this point cuz he drank his way out of their trust. it was nuts.
i woke up at this point i slept maybe 3 hours. I woke up and they kicked us all out by 5am. I walked out on the street and realized. I was fukking homeless. seriously.
i was homeless.
i walked with the dude who was at oracle for a while, i was exhausted, i walked about 2 miles to the only thing open, a mcdonalds, i had at least a few dollars to buy some stuff. at this point, i said fukk it, i called my mother and confessed that over the last 4 years i was a lying peice of shyt and a selfish b*stard. my mom was brought to tears. i thanked dude and he gave me his cell number. i gave him 15 dollars so he could get a pack of cigs and some food. dude showed me his emails, hes getting job offers from defense contractors etc, hes just in a fukked situation right now. he dropped gem after gem though. he was a good dude.
i cant come home for reasons i dont wana discuss but she came, picked me up, put me in a hotel for 3 days, let me use her laptop.
today i enter an aftercare program with housing so i can rebuild. i feel happy about that. anyhow guys, i have to go for a bit i will post when i can.
but i can say this. up until the end i was in denial. i wasnt addicted for years but i became addicted when i TURNED to it and didint simply respect it as a nessecity. it killed all my desires. killed my loves.
now that i am sober 8 days i can honestly say. i missed out on so much for 4 years. i will even admit it, the day my son was born i wasnt even really that excited, the drugs prevented it. when i saw my son monday i was so happy i missed him so much.
i will say this, some cant do it on their own, most cant. i got help because i was ready to die. if you have questions ask. ill tell you what i can when i can.
when i was in the homeless shelter, i only kept this on repeat on my ipod.
i looked around and realized what i had become. in 4 years ago now i had my own car, apartment, loving woman, trust.
now i have nothing. literally almost nothing. i am 31 with nothing, but i have what i didint have, and thats hope.
then the despair set in, i couldnt stay at my aunts, not even for a night. i called evreryone, nobody would take me. i sure as hell cant stay with the mother of my child (we are definately on the outs for real all because of this among other things but this was one of the core reasons that lead to ALL the others).
So as a last resort, i had to go to a homeless shelter. 85 people, a gym, little mat, little area. i sat down. addicts everywhere. their whole goal was drugs. everyone had everything, heroin, norco, percs, meth, they had it all. not only was i not tempted i was disgusted. this was me but with my moms and familys money i stayed afloat. (i was evicted 3 times in 4 years).
Next to me though, this man walks in in a business suit, shined shoes, groomed as fukk. he takes a space next to mine. ill get to him in a second. i was getting something to eat when i see this latin girl, looked like a whore but she was wearing a halter top and capris. she looked cold. keep in mind i dont have much i said fukk it and gave her one of my sweaters (im thin right now i get cold easy) she thanked me. the sad part was her "dude" was this somewhat healthy brolic nikka who thanked me.
got damn, how you gonna have your bytches cold? i was ashamed.
anyhow, this dude who was next to me, turned out to be some former lead at oracle, i even googled him and it was real, dude really blew through millions, according to his linked in and some articles even dating back to 1994 he was at oracle for a LONG time, but alcoholism basically fukked him. sad. He talked with me for a bit as he viewed me as being educated and worth his time. he was 55, 5 kids, divorce (alimony is off the hook) they all living good but far away. hes got basically no one at this point cuz he drank his way out of their trust. it was nuts.
i woke up at this point i slept maybe 3 hours. I woke up and they kicked us all out by 5am. I walked out on the street and realized. I was fukking homeless. seriously.
i was homeless.
i walked with the dude who was at oracle for a while, i was exhausted, i walked about 2 miles to the only thing open, a mcdonalds, i had at least a few dollars to buy some stuff. at this point, i said fukk it, i called my mother and confessed that over the last 4 years i was a lying peice of shyt and a selfish b*stard. my mom was brought to tears. i thanked dude and he gave me his cell number. i gave him 15 dollars so he could get a pack of cigs and some food. dude showed me his emails, hes getting job offers from defense contractors etc, hes just in a fukked situation right now. he dropped gem after gem though. he was a good dude.
i cant come home for reasons i dont wana discuss but she came, picked me up, put me in a hotel for 3 days, let me use her laptop.
today i enter an aftercare program with housing so i can rebuild. i feel happy about that. anyhow guys, i have to go for a bit i will post when i can.
but i can say this. up until the end i was in denial. i wasnt addicted for years but i became addicted when i TURNED to it and didint simply respect it as a nessecity. it killed all my desires. killed my loves.
now that i am sober 8 days i can honestly say. i missed out on so much for 4 years. i will even admit it, the day my son was born i wasnt even really that excited, the drugs prevented it. when i saw my son monday i was so happy i missed him so much.
i will say this, some cant do it on their own, most cant. i got help because i was ready to die. if you have questions ask. ill tell you what i can when i can.
when i was in the homeless shelter, i only kept this on repeat on my ipod.
i looked around and realized what i had become. in 4 years ago now i had my own car, apartment, loving woman, trust.
now i have nothing. literally almost nothing. i am 31 with nothing, but i have what i didint have, and thats hope.
Last edited:
posterchild336
Superstar
change your playlist on your ipod that song is not really good for a spirit..its somewhat depressing, I read your story, your are good to be this honest..its a good first step, acceptance then admittance, seems like you really want to change..good luck to recovery...