Absolutely - if you're on this side of the dirt, you still have a chance to do better.
Today, there isn't a soul that has known me over the past 15 years-NOW that would believe the stories I can tell you, even if you posted my username next to my photo ID. That's why, I don't put anything past anyone - you never know who has been in certain events in life.
I was more around a certain element a little different from your normal jackboys, but it was more heavier lifting - like, the amounts had to be over a certain threshold, and the dealers had to have a certain status, because the teams were a lot older then me and my partner (we were the kids) and they were WELL established (grown men with suburban homes, luxury cars, etc) - but at night, plans and blueprints like a movie.
I got in off the strength of my partner, who grew up in the world, where I was a athlete who was freshly kicked out of college and now broke - so I changed my tune (nobody ever wants the future NFL player to do wrong, until he "fails')
Some of the stuff I was apart of was terrible, and I never even went as far as you did in your story (personally I mean) - but I wouldn't even talk about it or write about it outside of this message board.
As far as finding God - I was raised in the church, as a lot of people, but there were "a ha" moments I had that took me back to doing the right thing - I don't believe in religion, but spirituality and connecting with yourself and your purpose, I truly believe - so that's what I meant by finding God.
Even when you talked about the hits being out on you, that's mainly what I was scared of, and I found out that there were hits on my partner coming from inside of jail to the outside, because he was more known then me (mind you, we was 19-20)...
It was tough when I got back into school (they would pull up in Ferraris and Range's), but that changed when I got back on my game, seperated myself and made a name for myself in sports, which transitioned to business, etc.
BTW you're a good storyteller bra - I can recognize it when I see it. You def should and can tell your story in some way.
Same here, with most people around me now being in disbelief if they knew my past. I'm only two years removed, but I live in a different state with no ties to that culture here...
Bro, I want to tell my story one day. Not sure of the medium, I've given alot of thought to juvenile advocacy and stuff along those lines, but nothing firm. I'm really just living in the moment and enjoying life. But I definitely want to tell my story, I have believed for years now that part of my calling is to give myself back to young cats who are on that same road...
I didn't grow up in the church, but my mom periodically bounced us between churches while she was trying to find herself. And I didn't like what I saw, she was booted from a church she worked as a secretary, and I saw a lot of holy people living double and triple lives. So we never had a church home, but this bouncing between churches was all from like 8-14. By the time I was 14 we never really went...
I was raised in the suburbs though, in a dysfunctional family, not by my biologicals, and long story short, I was attracted to dealing and started at 15. I modeled myself after this guy from the neighborhood, who was probably only 4 or 5 years older than me. My mom used to tutor him and he was flashy, ton of girls, well known and liked. He was who I wanted to be, because I didn't have my own identity bouncing around house to house, then state to state, and just a lot of fukking dysfunction around the house...
I started selling weed at 15, crack and lean and gang banging at 16, and ended up in prison at 17 on a 5-year deal for burglary, did 3.5. And what compels me to want to work with at risk juveniles so much, is because what I didn't realize then, was how when you get hooked to that mentality at such a young age, how tough it is to let it go and grow from it...
I jumped in at 15 and got progressively more immersed in it, went to prison and saw a TON of young dudes like me, and got out ready to ball or die. Prison changed nothing for me but making me a hardened and more determined criminal, being tried and convicted as an adult, and housed with adults, and influenced by hardened criminals from 17. I was already intoxicated with the lifestyle, what does that add to it?
I got out at age 20 9/28/09, I spent my last 7 months on a modified module designed to reform gang members, and I remember around July that year telling cats I would be back. No stutter. I really believed it, I didn't think I'd be alive to 23 (told my mom and upset her), and I had to emotion with coming back to prison. I was sure when I came back it would be for many years---->this is one of the mind state I mentioned earlier, that is chilling to recall. That was me, ball or die...
I'll be 30 this summer, never been back to prison, had about four or five close calls with going back (in jail or investigated for shyt), had a ton more experiences in the field like the situation I initially shared that could have taken me back or sent me up. Have a list of guys in my era/age group who I ran with at some point or other who are in one or the other, and I'm here to talk about it...
I don't think that's an accident, so yeah we have the same view on spirituality...
It all boils down to how long it took me to shake a personality and mentality I developed at 15 and kept full throttle until almost 28. I have a real grudge when I hear juveniles being charged as adults, no matter what they do, because that only exacerbates the problem in those young dudes. And as teenagers we think that shyt is normal, which in certain groups it is, but on balance, it isn't normal for teenagers to be deep into that shyt...
sounds like you lost respect for dude because he didnt come after you
stories, like why nikka? None of this shyt is really something to be proud of. Glorifying shyt they no nothing about. They don't know paranoia of somebody bodying you or your people for some shyt you done. Now you moving on edge ready to blast off a hint of some suspect shyt. Don't know the anger and hurt of seeing your so-called homeboy signed statement in your paperwork that got you sent up the road.