Elle Seven
Superstar
Let me clarify - the process itself is simple (i.e. not too complicated), but the practices are not easy (i.e. they will require real effort and willpower).
I do not have Asperger's but I can definitely relate to the effects of bullying. I caught flak all the way up to high school and didn't really find my stride until my college years. I know foundations for low self-esteem can be laid during those young years as well.
That being said, once you high maturity, a true period in your life when you are aware, it then becomes a choice. At some point, one can look in the mirror and make the conscious choice to, at the very least, start questioning the validity of these negative thoughts. This requires him to be his OWN authority on himself.
For instance, if you are 14, and many people call you ugly, fine, I can see why you might believe it. It is not even because it is true but becausr teenagers are really insecure anyway. They will tear down each other and listen to the negative stuff from their peers. Please, understand though, it doesn't qualify either as the truth though.
So, when you are nearly 30 and still hanging on to the notion you had 16 years ago - although you've had an opportunity to live and grow by then - you have to seriously start asking yourself is what you think true.
For instance, I said I thought Kent was cute, and you said he was used to hearing he was ugly by other ladies. So, who is right? Is he cute or is he ugly? Who gets to decide? He could look at the ladies who called him ugly and decide they are becausr maybe these are the type of women he desires to be with. He could decide my opinion is invalid because I am not the type of lady he desires. There is a lot of subjectivity governing his thought process and he using that as the baseline for his truth. That is where he is hurting himself though.
He could decide for himself he is handsome and roll with that, cause that is all that matters in the end. I've said it on here many times that what is truly attractive about his man is his energy. So if this young man has truly supplanted himself with the notion he is a loser, then his entire life will line up to support and attract this for him....
As far as self-fulfilling prophecy, the problem we make as humans is looking outside ourselves for validation, after a certain point, that is. When kids do it, it makes sense because it is literally part of your development. But as an adult, you have to validate yourself. It is literally like a gear which has been turning one way you must now take control of to turn the opposite way.
The world isn't telling this man, for instance, he is ugly because he is. The world will tell you that you are ugly if you feel that way on the inside. Like I said before, you can't fake confidence and self-love. How can I truly convince a person who has a solid sense of self he is a loser? That is giving other people waaaay too much power and influence over your life.
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